<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>If I loved you less (I might be able to talk about it more) by rosetterer</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29756358">If I loved you less (I might be able to talk about it more)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetterer/pseuds/rosetterer'>rosetterer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All is fair in love and war [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>&lt;- It's partly compliant but there's no tag for that, 1930s, 1940s, A love Story, Alternate Universe - World War II, Anal Sex, Awesome Howling Commandos, Brooklyn, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Coney Island, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, Falling In Love, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gabe Jones is a Good Bro, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hydra (Marvel), Irish Sarah Rogers, Letters, Loss, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Meant To Be, Minor Injuries, Missions, Not Captain America: The First Avenger Compliant, Other, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Poverty, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Rescue Missions, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Story I, Time Skips, War, World War II, and she speaks some gaeilge because I said so, glimpses of life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:15:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>56,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29756358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetterer/pseuds/rosetterer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve sighs heavily. He knows the agents are only doing their job, and even though he doesn’t understand what he has to do with any of this, he decides that maybe there is no need to hide it anymore.</p><p>It has been a long time since he’s said his name out loud.</p><p>’’His name...’’ Steve looks up at the agent, making sure that he’s listening because he never, ever wants to do any of this ever again. ’’Was James Buchanan Barnes. He’s dead.’’<br/>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Sometimes the world has to turn into something worse before it can get better. While everything around them changes, Steve and Bucky try their best to stay the same.</p><p>Steve and Bucky’s story from 1929 to 1945.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All is fair in love and war [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pay attention to the dates, especially the years. There are a lot of time skips in this fic, especially towards the end :)</p><p>Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>P r o l o g u e</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>F u t u r e</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>J u l y  7 t h, 2 0 1 1</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>’’Would you state your name for me, please?’’</p><p>’’Steven Rogers.’’</p><p>The agent sitting across from him nods as if to say that the answer is correct. Steve has been contained to the interrogation room for at least two hours and he is truly starting to get tired of it. Do they even have the right to keep him here if he doesn’t want to stay?</p><p>’’Now, we’ve gone through what happened before your plane crashed,’’ the agent, a young man, says to him, biting on the pen he’s holding. ’’We found your belongings and have a few questions about them.’’</p><p><em>Belongings?</em> ’’And what might those questions be?’’</p><p>The man takes out a clear bag that has a familiar wooden box in it. He holds it up in front of Steve.</p><p>’’Do you know what this is?’’</p><p>’’Yes,’’ Steve replies quickly, keeping his eyes on the wooden box. For the first time today, he feels his throat tightening up.</p><p>’’Want to elaborate on that or…?’’</p><p>
  <em>What the hell is there to elaborate?</em>
</p><p>’’No.’’</p><p>The agent nods again and places the bagged-up wooden box on the table. He grabs a pair of gloves from somewhere under the table and puts them on with such a struggle that if Steve hadn't just woken up in the future the day before, he would have laughed.</p><p>Once the gloves are finally on, the agent takes the wooden box out of the bag and places it gently back on the table. Steve can feel his heart skipping a beat when the box is opened.</p><p>’’We went through everything that was inside,’’ the agent tells him, and the sadness inside of Steve transforms into anger. How dare they touch what belongs to him? How dare they read the words that were meant to stay between him and… ’’And I’m sorry about that. We weren’t sure if you were ever going to wake up.’’</p><p>Steve nods at him but says nothing.</p><p>’’Some of the letters and drawings have gotten a little wet at some point but other than that, everything is still in pretty good condition. The bag the box had been in protected everything inside of it for all these years,'' the agent continues, offering him a small smile but when Steve doesn't give him one back, his face returns to neutral. ''This B that you were sending the letters to and who also sent letters back to you, who was she?''</p><p>
  <em>They didn’t know?</em>
</p><p>’’<em>His</em> name should be written on the envelopes,’’ Steve tells him. ’’And there should be a photograph of <em>him</em> in there.’’</p><p>The agent frowns as he looks down at the box as if the inanimate object had offended him in some way. ’’The envelopes took most of the damage, and there’s was no picture.’’</p><p>Steve finds himself almost asking for permission when he reaches out toward the box, only to remember that it belongs to him. He takes a hold of the box and turns it around so that he can see inside of it.</p><p>Carefully, he moves the sketches and the letters out of the way, making sure not to look at them for too long, and slips his fingernail beneath the bottom of the box before popping it off.</p><p>The agent’s eyes go round in surprise and his cheeks turn a little red, which makes Steve feel a little better. He must feel embarrassed for his entire team for not taking a better look at the box despite allegedly being the best intelligence agency in America if not in the rest of the world.</p><p>Under the secret layer of the box is a photograph of <em>him</em> and Steve almost doesn’t bear to look at it, but before the agent can do as much as reach toward it, Steve grabs it in his hand and protectively holds it close to his body.</p><p>Now it’s his turn to feel embarrassed.</p><p>’’I don’t want you to touch it,’’ Steve mumbles, his voice coming out small and shaky.</p><p>The agent doesn’t seem sure what to make of his actions but nods once again.</p><p>’’I won’t,’’ he promises. ’’But I’d like to see it.’’</p><p>Steve places the photograph on the table and pushes it toward the curious agent, who only takes a quick look before turning back to him.</p><p>’’Who is he?’’</p><p><em>Has the guy never opened a history book before?</em> Steve has been in the future, or <em>the now </em>as the others call it, for only a day and he’s already looked through all the history books he’d managed to find in the nearby library.</p><p>The agent takes Steve’s silence as an answer.</p><p>’’We’ll find out even if you don’t tell us.’’</p><p>’’Just like you found the photo without my help?’’ Steve snarks back.</p><p>’’They want these letters and drawings in the museum,’’ the agent continues, brushing off Steve’s comment. ’’But I’ve been informed that it’s up to you what you want to do with them, so now is your time to choose. Do you want to donate these to a museum of your choice or do you want to auction them off? Do you want to give or sell these to a newspaper or a magazine? Or do you just want to burn all of them so that no one ever finds out?’’</p><p>’’I’m not going to be selling or giving them to anyone, not even a museum,’’ Steve tells him, feeling a little angry again. ’’If they want to make some kind of shrine, they are more than welcome to take my uniform and weapons, but the shield stays with me. I would like to take the letters and everything else and take them with me wherever it is that I’m going to be staying at from now on.’’</p><p>The agent gathers all the letters and drawings and even the photograph that Steve had told him not to touch and puts them back in the box. He closes it gently and pushes it toward Steve. He doesn’t look happy with the answer he got.</p><p>’’Your choice,’’ he tells him.</p><p>Steve places his hand on top of the box and pulls it even closer to him. He hates thinking about how many strangers have touched it and read through the letters. At least they hadn’t seen the photograph.</p><p>’’You’re free to go,’’ the agent says, tapping his pen against the stack of papers in front of him. He turns off whatever the device is that he’d used to record their conversation. ’’Can I ask you something off-record?’’</p><p>
  <em>No. You’ve already asked enough.</em>
</p><p>’’Go ahead.’’</p><p>The young man smiles at him, seeming much more relaxed now that they aren’t being recorded.</p><p>’’The man you sent those letters to… The one in the picture,’’ he starts, sounding more nervous again. ’’You really loved him, didn’t you?’’</p><p>The question gets a small smile to appear on Steve’s face. He nods.</p><p>’’I did.’’</p><p>The agent nods back, gathering his papers and tucking them away under his arm. He turns to look at Steve one more time, a pleading look in his eyes.</p><p>’’We’re going to figure out his name one way or another,’’ he says. ’’We’re just trying to put everything together. Can you please tell me what his name is? It would make our job much easier.’’</p><p>Steve sighs heavily. He knows the agents are only doing their job and even though he doesn’t understand what <em>he</em> has to do with any of this, he decides that maybe there is no need to hide it anymore.</p><p>It has been a long time since he’s said his name out loud.</p><p>’’His name...’’ Steve looks up at the agent, making sure that he’s listening because he never, ever wants to do any of this ever again. ’’Was James Buchanan Barnes. He’s dead.’’</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>P a r t  I.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A p p l e s</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>J u l y  3 r d, 1 9 2 9</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven apples.</p><p>Now that the clouds had moved away and slowly disappeared entirely, the sun was shining straight into Steve's eyes as he sat there on the grass. He placed his hand on his forehead, shielding himself from the sun rays, and looked up into the tree in front of him. Somewhere at the top of the apple tree sat Bucky as he tried to find the next perfect apple.</p><p>Steve had wanted to climb the tree too because he’d always been the best at picking the best apples but he’d been sick for the entire past week and was only now starting to feel back to normal and his Ma had told him to take it easy.</p><p>Also, Bucky hadn’t let him. For the same reasons.</p><p>Now, if Steve had still been a little child, he would have whined at both his Ma and Bucky for not being allowed to do anything fun but he wasn’t a little child anymore.</p><p>Tomorrow, he was going to turn <em>eleven</em>.</p><p>Another apple fell on the ground in front of him and Steve placed it neatly next to the others he’d just counted. Steve looked up into the tree again and smiled when he saw Bucky making his way down.</p><p>’’I think we’ve got enough,’’ Steve said when Bucky jumped down the rest of the way.</p><p>Bucky wiped his dirty hands against his pants. ’’Yeah? How many?’’</p><p>’’Eight.’’</p><p>’’Yeah, that’s good,’’ Bucky answered and wiped away the small amount of sweat that had gathered on his forehead.</p><p>The sunrays flickered behind the apple tree, making shadows of all shapes and sizes dance along Bucky’s pale skin as the boy smiled proudly at the line of apples on the ground.</p><p>
  <em>Steve loved his smile.</em>
</p><p>’’We'll have to ask your Ma to make a pie,'' Bucky said and untucked his shirt from his pants. He folded it toward himself so that it made a good place to carry the apples.</p><p>Steve watched as Bucky put the apples into his make-shift bag one by one.</p><p>’’Do you think your mom and dad are going to let you stay with us for one more night?’’</p><p>’’Mom’s still sick,’’ Bucky reminded him. ’’And I won’t be able to go back home until she’s healthy again. I’d just be in the way.’’</p><p>’’But Becca’s there,’’ Steve answered, confused.</p><p>’’She knows how to take care of mom,’’ Bucky replied. ’’Our house is closer to the school, and my parents could only afford to send one of us to school, and since that one is Becca, it only made sense that she would stay at home. She takes care of the house too when dad is at work.’’</p><p>’’How come they chose Becca?’’ Steve asked with a frown. ’’Back when I was in school most of the kids there were boys.’’</p><p>’’Becca’s older than me,’’ Bucky told him. ’’And smarter. That’s why she gets to go.’’</p><p>’’Well, it’s a good thing my bed is big enough for the both of us,’’ Steve said shyly, trying to change the subject as Bucky always sounded so sad when he talked about school.</p><p>’’That’s right,’’ Bucky said with a smile. He twisted his shirt in a way that ensured no apples would fall as they made their way back home. He held his hand out to Steve. ’’Come on, we’ve got to get back. Your Ma’s probably waiting.’’</p><p>Steve placed his hand in Bucky’s and allowed himself to be pulled up on his feet. He smiled back at his friend, at first focusing only on him until he saw a little bit of movement from the corner of his eye. The front door of the cottage on the side of the yard began to open.</p><p>’’Bucky,’’ Steve said quietly. ’’I think we need to run.’’</p><p>Bucky gave him a confused frown before his eyes widened in realization.</p><p>Steve’s eyes flickered back and forth between the boy in front of him and the angry old man now standing in front of his cottage with a broken rake in his hand.</p><p>’’It’s Mr. Richardson!’’ Steve confirmed Bucky’s fear.</p><p>Bucky didn’t even bother to look back at the old man and instead placed his hand on Steve’s back and pushed him forward.</p><p>’’Go, go, go!’’ he yelled, and they both began to sprint across the yard, Bucky’s hand not once leaving Steve’s back in case the younger boy got tired.</p><p>’’Damn you, Barnes!’’ Mr. Richardson screamed with his raspy old voice as he ran after them. ’’Damn you, you little bastard!’’</p><p>Once they got the rose bushes that grew on the other side of the yard, Bucky pushed aside the sharp branches, revealing the little pathway they'd created about two years ago that made it very easy to get to Mr. Richardson's yard. Steve crawled through the pathway first while Bucky stood there, just watching as Mr. Richardson slowly ran toward them, his face red from exhaustion and fury.</p><p>When Steve had finally made it to the other side, Bucky followed after him, keeping a tight hold on the apples moving around inside of his shirt. They both knew that Mr. Richardson was way too old and big to fit through the pathway and that it would take him a long time to go all the way around the yard to get to the gate that led to the street that both Steve and Bucky were now on, but they still kept running.</p><p>Everyone in town feared Mr. Richardson.</p><p>Steve could feel his lungs beginning to struggle with taking in enough air but he kept running. At least his lungs weren’t hurting the way they had been when he’d been sick and that was the only thing he cared about. He was not in a mood to spend another week in bed.</p><p>’’To the alley!’’ Bucky announced and they made a sharp turn to the right.</p><p>The alley was behind an old pub and nobody ever went there except drunk people during the night and Steve and Bucky during the day whenever they needed to hide from someone. Both of their mothers had told them many times not to go on that alley but it was the fastest way home so they still used it despite the warnings.</p><p>’’You,’’ Steve gasped out as they leaned against the brick wall of the pub. ’’You got the apples?’’</p><p>’’Yeah.’’</p><p>’’Didn’t drop any?’’</p><p>’’Nah, they’re all here,’’ Bucky replied, sounding out of breath as well. He shot Steve a worried look. ’’You okay?’’</p><p>’’Yeah,’’ Steve said with a nod and a smile. ’’You?’’</p><p>’’Yeah.’’</p><p>They stayed silent for a while as they caught their breaths. It had been a long while since they’d had the possibility to mess with Mr. Richardson and they’d both forgotten how fun and exciting it could be.</p><p>Steve was the first one to speak up again. ’’H- How come Mr. Richardson always yells at you and uh… not me?’’</p><p>Bucky chuckled at his question and shrugged. ’’The man doesn’t like me at all. He probably thinks that I’ve dragged you into all this trouble or something.’’</p><p>Steve didn’t like that answer at all. Sure, Bucky knew how to be reckless but most of the time it was Steve who came up with the reckless ideas in the first place. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault that he was brave enough to go along with it all.</p><p>’’Well, I think,’’ Steve gulped down another breath. ’’I think Mr. Richardson is a bastard.’’</p><p>A huff escaped from Bucky's mouth and for a quick moment, Steve thought he was going to get slapped on the back of his head for saying such a word. If Ma had heard him, she wouldn't have hurt him but he most certainly would not have heard the end of it.</p><p>Instead, Bucky burst out laughing, and it didn’t take long for Steve to join him.</p><p>’’Bastard,’’ Bucky gasped out and nodded, looking down at Steve and seeming almost proud of him. ’’You’re right, he is a bastard.’’</p><p>’’The biggest bastard in the world!’’ Steve exclaimed and kicked an empty can across the alley. ’’Mr. Bastard!’’</p><p>Bucky laughed again and ran after the rolling can, while still holding onto his shirt. He kicked the can in a way that made it bounce against the wall and land against the broken back gate of the alley.</p><p>’’Come on,’’ Bucky told him, once they’d both calmed down. ’’Let’s go home.’’</p><p>They climbed clumsily over the broken gate and went through yet another secret pathway through another rose bush before they got to a small hill from where they could already see Steve’s house as well as the path that led to Bucky’s house.</p><p>’’I’d really love some ice cream right now,’’ Bucky said then, wiping some sweat away from his forehead again.</p><p>’’I’m sure Ma could make something cooling for us if we asked nicely,’’ Steve suggested. ’’This lady next door, her family is Italian and she taught Ma how to make Italian ice.’’</p><p>’’After she figures out we stole apples from Mr. Bastard and we want her to make a pie out of them, we’ll be lucky if she even lets us eat the apple pie,’’ Bucky replied.</p><p>’’I guess...’’</p><p>Ma was a kind person, everyone loved her but she also had a side to her that Steve was sure only he’d ever seen. She never yelled at him, she didn’t have to. All it took was one look and Steve knew not to do whatever it was that he’d done ever again.</p><p>Except stealing apples. That he loved doing way too much to stop and he was sure his Ma knew that too.</p><p>They climbed over the fence that surrounded the Rogers’ yard and slowly made their way toward the red house, both of them feeling more and more nervous with each step they took. They took their time as they were in no rush to find out what Ma’s reaction was going to be to the stolen apples.</p><p>’’There you are!’’ Ma’s voice shouted from behind them, making them both jump and turn around. Ma made her way over to them. ’’I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Dinner’s been done for an hour already.’’</p><p>’’I’m sorry, Ma.’’</p><p>’’I’m sorry, Mrs. Rogers.’’</p><p>Ma sighed and placed her hands on her narrow hips. She looked down at Bucky's bulging shirt.</p><p>’’James...’’ Ma started slowly. ’’What have you got there?’’</p><p>Bucky looked up at Ma. ’’Apples, Mrs. Rogers.’’</p><p>''Apples,'' Ma repeated. She let out another, deeper sigh. ''Were you two harassing Mr. Richardson again? Boys, haven’t I told you-’’</p><p>’’We only took eight!’’ Steve replied, trying to make the situation seem somehow better than it was. ’’Mr. B- Richardson never picks his apples. He just lets them rot and fall to the ground, Ma!’’</p><p>’’Maybe he wants other animals to enjoy them,’’ Ma told him sternly but already sounding less mad.</p><p>’’But we never take all the apples,’’ Bucky said to her.</p><p>’’Never!’’ Steve agreed.</p><p>Yet another sigh escaped Ma’s mouth. ’’Alright then. This is the last time you’ll go to Mr. Richardson’s yard this summer, is that clear? I’m going to bake an apple pie and you two can share an apple for supper. First thing tomorrow morning, you’re going to take a slice of pie to Mr. Richardson and apologize to him.’’</p><p>Steve gulped nervously and his eyes flickered over to Bucky as he didn’t know what to say.</p><p>Bucky nodded and smiled carefully. ’’Alright, Mrs. Rogers.’’</p><p> </p><p>Since the day had been the hottest one yet this summer and it didn’t seem to be cooling down even at night time, Steve and Bucky had been allowed to take the mattress of the bed out on the porch and sleep there. At first, Ma hadn’t been at all happy with the idea as the porch was broken and even a little dirty but when she’d gone upstairs where Steve usually slept and felt how toasty it was up there, she’d immediately agreed with the boys’ idea to sleep outside.</p><p>’’Bucky?’’</p><p>’’Hmh?’’</p><p>’’Are you sleeping?’’</p><p>’’Obviously not,’’ Bucky answered quietly.</p><p>’’Didn’t Ma promise to give us an apple to share for supper?’’ Steve asked, rolling over onto his side. ’’Oh, I can smell the apple pie. It’s not fair we didn’t get to eat it today.’’</p><p>Bucky chuckled. ’’The apple pie was still hot and had to cool down. It’ll taste even better tomorrow morning since we’ve had to wait for it a little while.’’</p><p>’’Sounds like something Ma would say...’’ Steve mumbled back, disappointed in the reply.</p><p>The front door opened loudly, startling Steve. His Ma looked down at them with an expression that Steve had become familiar with throughout his life. She was worried.</p><p>''Are you boys sure you want to sleep out here?'' she asked, looking around the dark neighborhood. ''It might get cold during the night and there are most likely a lot of bugs here.''</p><p>’’We’re sure, Ma,’’ Steve answered for the both of them.</p><p>’’The living room floor is about just as cool,’’ Ma continued. ’’You could sleep there.’’</p><p>Bucky glanced at Steve. ’’Maybe we sho-’’</p><p>’’No, we’re going to stay here,’’ Steve replied stubbornly.</p><p>Ma turned to Bucky. ’’Only if you’re sure...’’</p><p>Bucky didn’t say anything but gave her a small nod before wrapping himself in the thin blanket. Ma looked at him for a little moment longer before taking an apple out of her apron pocket.</p><p>’’I almost forgot to give you this,’’ she said, now smiling. ’’Once you two are done with it, throw the core out in the yard. You don’t want to leave it anywhere near you because the ants will find it and wouldn’t that be a way to wake up?’’</p><p>Steve chuckled softly at his Ma and caught the apple when she threw it to him. Ma knelt down next to him and pressed a quick kiss on his forehead. Steve was glad that Bucky wasn't looking because it was a little embarrassing. He was almost<em> eleven</em> after all.</p><p>’’Sleep well, little one,’’ Ma whispered to him and reached out to ruffle Bucky’s hair. ’’You too, James. Sleep well.’’</p><p>''Good night,'' Steve told her when Bucky only let out a small sound of acknowledgment.</p><p>’’Good night, dear,’’ Ma replied and looked around one more time, as if she was trying to figure out if it was safe out there, before going back inside the house.</p><p>’’Bucky!’’ Steve whispered immediately when the front door closed again. ’’You wanna eat your side of the apple first?’’</p><p>''Nah,'' Bucky replied, his speech coming out a little slurred. ''You can have the whole thing.''</p><p>Steve sat up a little bit, looking at the other boy with a frown. ’’Aren’t you hungry?’’</p><p>’’I’m tired,’’ Bucky replied, shifting slightly.</p><p>’’Okay,’’ Steve whispered back to him and took a small bite of the apple. ’’If you’re sure.’’</p><p>Bucky didn’t reply.</p><p>Steve sighed and laid down on his side as well, back facing Bucky. He took a lazy bite out of his apple. He’d been hoping that he and Bucky would stay up at least until midnight, just talking and laughing, as they had always wanted to do that. Inside the house that had always been impossible because of Ma and her good hearing.</p><p>’’Good night, Bucky,’’ Steve whispered, mostly to himself.</p><p>Bucky only let out a soft huff.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>J u l y  4 t h, 1 9 2 9</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The familiar sound of Ma walking around the kitchen, preparing breakfast was what Steve woke up to. He still felt tired, so it didn’t immediately register to him that it was already morning so he snuggled against his pillow again and wrapped the blanket over his shoulders even though he didn’t feel cold at all.</p><p>When the scent of the apple pie hit his nostrils, Steve’s eyes snapped open. He sat up, suddenly feeling very much awake, and rushed inside the house after battling with the blanket that had gotten wrapped around his feet during the night.</p><p>He ran straight into the kitchen, where his Ma was cooking, softly singing along to a song on the radio.</p><p>’’Ma!’’ Steve yelled, getting her attention immediately. ’’I’m eleven!’’</p><p>’’Yes, you are,’’ Ma replied and smiled brightly, seeming just as excited as Steve was. She wrapped her arms around her son when he ran to her. ’’Lá breithe sona duit, Steven.’’</p><p>Steve looked up at his Ma, still smiling but there was a curious look in his eyes.</p><p>His Ma smiled softly and brushed her fingers through his messy hair. ’’Happy birthday, Steven.’’</p><p>’’Thank you,’’ Steve replied when he understood what Ma had said to him and squeezed her tightly one more time before letting go. ’’What are we having for breakfast?’’</p><p>’’Pancakes, of course! And apple pie for dessert. Go ahead, sit down,’’ his Ma ushered him onto his seat at the head of the table. ’’I’ll go get James.’’</p><p>’’Yes, Ma,’’ Steve replied with a nod and took in all the goodness set out in front of him on the table. The pancakes smelled amazing and looked golden as they were neatly stacked on top of each other on a decorated plate. There was also a small jar of syrup that Steve knew his Ma had been saving up for his birthday breakfast. The apple pie was the furthest away from him, set right by the window, probably as it was meant to be eaten last.</p><p>Steve’s mouth watered.</p><p>’’Here we go!’’ Ma exclaimed as she closed the front door again. In front of her walked Bucky with his hair all messed up and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. ’’Sit down, sit down.’’</p><p>Bucky sat down on his seat next to Steve and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes.</p><p>’’So, how did you two sleep?’’ Ma asked as he placed a pancake each on Steve and Bucky’s plates. ’’Did it get too cold?’’</p><p>’’No, I slept well,’’ Steve replied, watching as Ma poured a little bit of syrup on his pancake. Way more than he would get on any normal day that they made pancakes. ’’How about you, Bucky?’’</p><p>''I wish I was still sleeping,'' Bucky looked up at Ma. ''No offense, Mrs. Rogers.''</p><p>’’I’m sorry that I came to wake you up, darling,’’ Ma apologized. ’’But it is already nine in the morning. You wouldn’t still be sleeping if you were going to school, would you?’’</p><p>’’No, Mrs. Rogers.’’</p><p>''How many times have I told you to just call me Sarah?'' Ma told Bucky with a soft laugh. ''I've known you ever since you were a baby. When I really think about it, I've known you for longer than I've known Steven.’’</p><p>Steve looked up at her in confusion and licked away the little bit of syrup that had stuck to the corner of his mouth. Ma was right, even though the whole thing sounded odd. Bucky was older than he was. Sometimes he forgot about that.</p><p>’’Okay… Sarah,’’ Bucky said, sounding almost shy. He took a bite of his pancake.</p><p>’’Now,’’ Ma began. ’’I know that today is your birthday, Steven but I still haven’t forgotten or changed my mind about you two going over to Mr. Richardson’s today to apologize.’’</p><p>Steve groaned in annoyance and Bucky didn’t look pleased either.</p><p>''But,'' his Ma continued. ''Since it is your birthday and I… Well, everyone in town knows that Mr. Richardson can be, well, intimidating, I would be okay with you just writing your apology on a piece of paper and leaving that on Mr. Richardson's door along with the apple pie. But you have to knock on his door! Otherwise, the ants will eat the pie and when he finds it, he'll think that you two are serving him ant pie instead of apple pie.''</p><p>Steve chuckled quietly. ’’Yes, Ma. We’ll do that.’’</p><p>Ma turned to Bucky, ’’James?’’</p><p>Bucky nodded, swallowing a big bite of his pancake. ’’Mmh. But Steve’s gonna have to write the note. I don’t have good handwriting.’’</p><p>Steve groaned, ’’Ugh. Fine.’’</p><p>Ma smiled at them and placed a pancake on her plate, drizzling some of the syrup on top of it.</p><p>’’So,’’ she began. ’’What are you boys going to do today?’’</p><p>Steve and Bucky looked at each other, small smirks appearing on their faces.</p><p>’’It’s a secret,’’ Steve told his Ma.</p><p>’’Ah, I see,’’ Ma said and gave him a knowing smile.</p><p>Today they were going to do something they’d never done before.</p><p> </p><p>’’I don’t wanna knock!’’ Steve whispered to Bucky. ’’I wrote the note and cut the apple pie. You knock!’’</p><p>Bucky rolled his eyes at him but finally agreed, ’’Fine.’’</p><p>The apple pie and the note had already been placed on the last step, far away from the door so that it wouldn’t go flying when Mr. Bastard opened the door. Bucky stayed as far away from the door as he could while still being able to reach it, made his hand into a fist, and knocked twice.</p><p>He immediately stumbled away from the steps and followed Steve, who'd already begun running to the rose bushes. They moved the branches out of the way and hid in their little pathway.</p><p>They waited.</p><p>’’What if he’s not home?’’ Steve asked. ’’Are we going to have to wait here all day?’’</p><p>’’Your Ma said that we have to wait here until he opens the door,’’ Bucky whispered back. ’’Ant pie, remember?’’</p><p>Steve nodded, biting his lower lip between his teeth. He didn’t know why he was so nervous even though they were already far away from the old man’s cottage.</p><p>’’I think he’s looking out of the window,’’ Bucky said and moved the branches slightly so that they were even more hidden than before.</p><p>’’You know, I don’t like lying to Ma but it’s not like she’s going to go and ask Mr. Bastard if we brought him the apple pie,’’ Steve replied, his voice shaking slightly. ’’I think we should just go.’’</p><p>Bucky ignored him, ’’Look, the door’s opening!’’</p><p>Steve’s breath hitched at Bucky’s words and he turned to look toward the cottage. The old man looked around, left and right, back and forth, before his eyes focused on the piece of apple pie. He stared at it for an uncomfortable amount of time before kneeling down with a little bit of a struggle and picking it up. He looked around one more time, got back up with even more of a struggle, and went back inside the house.</p><p>’’Well,’’ Bucky sighed, seeming disappointed. ’’That wasn’t as exciting as I thought it was going to be.’’</p><p>’’Who cares?’’ Steve replied, just glad that it was over. ’’Let’s go home!’’</p><p> </p><p>Steve and Bucky rushed into the house, ready to get on with their secret project. They were just missing one thing and they were sure that Ma would have it somewhere in the house.</p><p>’’Ma?’’ Steve asked, kicking off his shoes because he knew they were dirty. He turned to Bucky. ’’Wait here.’’</p><p>He made his way into the kitchen, which was where Ma spent most of her day when she wasn’t working, but right now, she wasn’t there. The door to her bedroom was closed as well, which was strange.</p><p>Steve took a few, quiet steps toward the door and knocked, knowing better than to just barge in.</p><p>’’Ma?’’</p><p>’’I’ll be right there with you, Steven,’’ Steve heard his Ma’s muffled voice say from the other side of the door. She was talking to someone.</p><p>Soon enough the bedroom door opened and Ma walked out, smiling per usual. Steve looked past her into the bedroom, trying his best to figure out who it was that Ma had been speaking to.</p><p>’’Becca stopped by,’’ Ma said, answering Steve’s unasked question.</p><p>At the mention of Becca’s name, Steve could hear Bucky taking his shoes off and rushing into the house as well. It had been more than a week since he’d seen his sister last.</p><p>Becca walked out of the bedroom and stood right next to Ma. Steve had never known Becca too well and the last time he’d seen her had been several months ago. She’d grown a lot taller in that time and her hair now almost reached her waist.</p><p>’’Becca!’’ Bucky exclaimed happily, his eyes wide in surprise. Becca smiled at him. ’’What are you doing here?’’</p><p>’’I came to look for you,’’ she replied, smirking a little. ’’To tell you that Ma’s feeling a lot better already. We still have to clean the house and take care of a few other things but you can come home tomorrow morning.''</p><p>’’Really?’’ Bucky gasped out, voice coming out small.</p><p>’’Mmh. So make sure to pack today,’’ Becca reminded him, ruffling his hair the way Steve’s Ma often did. ’’Mom’s really been missing you.’’</p><p>’’And you haven’t?’’ Bucky replied with a smirk of his own.</p><p>Despite the two-year age difference between the siblings, Steve often thought the two looked like twins. It was almost weird how similar they were but maybe that was just a normal sibling thing. Steve wouldn't know.</p><p>''Obviously not,'' Becca chuckled at him before turning to look at Ma. ''Thank you for your time, Mrs. Rogers. I really need to get going. Now that mom's been feeling better, there hasn't been a lot of leisure time at our house.''</p><p>Ma let out a small, understanding laugh and ran her fingers through the young girl's long hair, ''It's no problem, Becca. Tell your mother I said hi and that I will come to visit her next week at some point. Oh, and just like I've told your brother, call me Sarah.''</p><p>Becca nodded and ruffled Bucky’s hair one more time. ’’I’ll see you tomorrow.’’</p><p>’’Yeah,’’ Bucky whispered and watched as his sister made her way out of the house.</p><p>’’Now,’’ Ma said and placed her hands on her waist. ’’What was it that you needed me for, Steven?’’</p><p>’’Uhh...’’ Steve tried to think of what it was he’d wanted to ask her. ’’I uhh-’’</p><p>’’We need a hammer,’’ Bucky said, giving his friend an odd look. ’’For the secret.’’</p><p>’’A hammer,’’ Ma said, deep in thought. ’’If we have one, it must be in the old barn. That’s where Steven’s pa used to keep all the tools he had.’’</p><p>’’Thank you,’’ Bucky said and walked back toward the front door.</p><p>’’Steven, aren’t you going to go with him?’’ Ma asked when Steve kept standing in front of her.</p><p>Steve finally snapped out of it. ’’Yeah, yeah, of course.’’</p><p>His Ma gave him a knowing smile and brushed her fingers through his hair the same whey she’d done to Becca just a moment ago.</p><p>Steve ran after Bucky who’d already made his way out of the front door.</p><p> </p><p>It was already dark when the secret was finished. Ma had even brought them a flashlight and permitted them to work for one extra half an hour. Steve handed Bucky the final nail, they'd found them all in front of an old convenience store, and Bucky hammered it into place.</p><p>’’What do you think?’’ Bucky asked, stepping away from their creation.</p><p>’’Looks good.’’</p><p>’’Good?’’ Bucky asked and laughed. ’’I think it looks great.’’</p><p>’’It does.’’</p><p>There were several blanks of wood laid out against an old tree in a shape that to Steve resembled half a teepee. On one side of it, they had pinned an old towel as a door and some moss and leaves and mud on top to make a roof.</p><p>’’For someone who’s been waiting for this day for weeks, you don’t sound very excited,’’ Bucky told Steve, sounding a little upset himself. ’’Don’t you like it?’’</p><p>Steve looked over at Bucky and sighed, ’’I do like it, I really do.’’</p><p>’’Then what is it?’’ Bucky asked. He pointed the flashlight at Steve who was visibly upset, and frowned, immediately understanding what was going on, ’’I’m still going to be here until the next morning, Stevie, and come on, I only live minutes away. We're just going to go back to the way everything was before.''</p><p>’’Yeah,’’ Steve answered quietly, knowing that he was being ridiculous. ’’I’m sorry.’’</p><p>’’It’s okay,’’ Bucky told him, smiling again. ’’I’m going to miss you too.’’</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>J u l y  5 t h, 1 9 2 9</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The mattress he and Bucky had been sleeping on had now been stripped of its sheets and it was lying bare on the living room floor as that was where they’d had to sleep after Ma hadn’t let them spend another night outside.</p><p>’’Steven, it’s still so early,’’ Ma said, standing by the bedroom door. Steve was looking out of the kitchen window, watching as Bucky and Becca made their way down the path into the forest. ’’Come sleep in my bed for just a couple of more hours, please.’’</p><p>Steve sighed when he no longer could see even a glimpse of Bucky and turned to look at his Ma, who looked exhausted. She was going to have to go to work today.</p><p>’’Okay, Ma,’’ Steve replied and climbed out of the chair.</p><p>Ma looked relieved and turned to go back into the bedroom. She slipped under the covers and rested her head on the pillow, sighing in relief and content. Steve crawled next to her.</p><p>’’Are you okay?’’ Ma asked then, facing Steve.</p><p>’’Yeah, Ma,’’ Steve whispered back.</p><p>’’Good,’’ Ma replied with a smile and closed her eyes.</p><p>Steve reached out toward her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face, ’’Ma?’’</p><p>’’Mmh?’’</p><p>’’Did you ever wish you had another child? A girl, maybe...’’</p><p>His Ma’s eyes snapped back open and confusion was clear on her face.</p><p>’’Steven...’’ she began. ’’Why would you ask something like that?’’</p><p>Steve only shrugged.</p><p>’’Who knows what would’ve happened if your pa was still alive,’’ Ma said with a shrug of her own. ’’But to me, you were always more than enough… A stór.’’</p><p>’’What does that mean?’’ Steve asked, starting to feel a little tired himself.</p><p>’’It’s something you call someone you love,’’ Ma explained, her eyes closing again.</p><p>Steve scooted closer to his Ma, resting his head on her pillow.</p><p>’’How do you know you love someone, Ma?’’</p><p>Ma let out a tired chuckle and threw the blanket over him.</p><p>’’Go to sleep, Steven.’’</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>P a r t  I I. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>S t a n d  u p</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>N o v e m b e r  1 s t, 1 9 3 2</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>’’It’s going to be my turn soon,’’ Ma said when she noticed Steve getting a little restless on the seat next to her. ’’I’ll try to make it quick, okay?’’</p><p>Steve nodded, taking in another deep breath. He’d been sick for the past three weeks, which wasn’t anything unusual when the weather started turning a little colder in the evenings. His lungs just didn't like that kind of weather.</p><p>The door of the office opened and a disappointed-looking woman walked out, her head bowed down as she rushed away. The man who Ma had come to see kept the door open and his eyes met with hers.</p><p>’’Mrs. Rogers?’’ he asked.</p><p>’’That’s me,’’ Ma replied, taking her purse from Steve’s lap. She looked at her son, ’’I won’t be long, I promise. Then we’ll go and find Bucky and go the store, okay?’’</p><p>’’Okay.’’</p><p>Ma walked into the office and the man closed the door after her. Something about the man was off and Steve decided right then and there that he didn’t like him at all. Thankfully, he knew his Ma was the best at handling difficult people.</p><p> </p><p>The first fifteen minutes went by and stuffy air in the apartment building wasn’t helping the way Steve was feeling. He knew all he needed was some fresh air and rest to feel like himself again but if he’d leave now, with his luck his Ma would right then get out of the meeting and freak out as her son had disappeared.</p><p>So Steve decided to stay and suffer.</p><p>’’I’m begging you!’’ A shout that could only belong to his Ma came from the other side of the door, making Steve jump. ’’My husband has been dead for years and I don’t have any other family but my son. He gets sick easily so I can’t just make him work and you damn well know that! You can’t tell me that your hospital couldn’t use a nurse. I’ve seen how understaffed all the hospitals around here are and I-’’</p><p>''Mrs. Rogers,'' the man's voice interrupted her. ''You're right. I do know all this and I'm sorry that I can't help you. We need doctors, not nurses.''</p><p>’’So what do you want me to do? Become penniless and starve to death?’’ Ma asked. ’’This hospital has cared for my son many times and I’ve paid for that care. I’ve supported this hospital when we’ve barely had any money and even worked on some nights without pay because you’ve needed help. I've seen the way things have changed around here in the past year or two. Things aren't the way they used to and it's clear that you need all the help you can get.''</p><p>’’If Mrs. Rogers hasn’t noticed, nothing is the same anymore,’’ the man replied with a voice so calm and dismissive that it made Steve’s blood boil.</p><p>’’And I don't know if you've noticed but everyone else has, that a lot of the nurses working in this hospital who have never even worked as a nurse before, just happen to be your daughters and your lovers,'' Ma said to the man, now a little quieter. Steve got up from his seat and pressed his ear against the door. ''And I do not think that is fair. All I'm asking is a job so that one person in my family can get paid. If I've done my calculations correctly, your family has five people who are working. I'm not looking to make as much money as you and your family do, Mr. Lawrence. I've been poor all my life, I can make do with very little.''</p><p>There was a small moment of silence.</p><p>’’So, how about that job?’’</p><p> </p><p>’’Was everything you said in there true?’’ Steve couldn’t help but ask as they walked down the street. He’d always known that his Ma was a strong person but he’d never heard her speak to anyone the way she’d spoken to Mr. Lawrence.</p><p>’’Every single word,’’ Ma replied but then sighed. ’’I didn’t want to bring it up but I had to get that job, Steven, you know that. As much as men like to joke about us women gossiping, they have no idea what all of us have on them. If they did know, they wouldn’t be laughing.’’</p><p>Steve chuckled. Other women from their town often came over to their house on Saturday evenings, mostly to talk about everything that had been going on in their lives. They often stayed until midnight and every once in a while Steve managed to hear bits and pieces of gossip but never enough to satisfy his curiosity.</p><p>’’I’m going to have to go take care of one more thing,’’ his Ma said when they got to the end of the street. ’’James should be here any moment now, so just wait for him right here, okay?’’</p><p>’’Okay, Ma,’’ Steve replied.</p><p>’’Here,’’ Ma took something out of her purse and placed them in Steve’s hand. Coins. ’’Once James gets here, you two can go to that store right over there. You know what to get. I’ll be back in about a half an hour.’’</p><p>Steve nodded at her and pocketed the money. He knew better than to ask where she was going. She had that look on her face that told Steve everything he needed to know. She wasn’t going to say anything even if he asked.</p><p>Steve watched his Ma walk away and stretched out his legs. All-day he'd been sitting and his body felt like it. To be fair, his Ma had told him that she would have a lot of business to take care of and that if he were to come with her, there would be a lot of waiting around.</p><p>But it had all been worth it because now he’d get to see Bucky.</p><p>A bus drove past Steve and stopped right at the corner of the street. First, an elderly woman got off, taking her time and after her the person that Steve had been waiting for.</p><p>Bucky noticed him immediately, a big smile spreading on his face as he waved to Steve. Steve waved back, probably smiling just as big as Bucky was, and started making his way toward him.</p><p>Bucky crossed the road, jogging the rest of the way to Steve.</p><p>’’Hey, B-’’ Steve began but found his face being buried against Bucky’s jacket. His friend’s arms were wrapped so tightly around him that it certainly didn’t help with Steve’s breathing but he didn’t have the heart to say anything.</p><p>Instead, he wrapped his arms around Bucky too.</p><p>’’Are you okay, Buck?’’ he mumbled against Bucky’s jacket.</p><p>Bucky didn’t answer immediately and just held on for a little longer before unraveling himself from Steve’s arms. He put on a smile.</p><p>’’Yeah, just,’’ Bucky started and ran his hand against Steve’s jacket to smooth it out. ’’It’s just been a long day. And I’m so glad to see you, it’s been a while.’’</p><p>’’It has,’’ Steve replied, eyeing his friend up and down as if that would help with figuring out what was going on. ’’It’s good to see you, Buck. How has it been at work?’’</p><p>’’There are a lot of old men working there,’’ Bucky answered. ’’So not amazing but it pays okay.’’</p><p>Steve hummed in reply. That hadn’t been the answer he’d been expecting. Bucky had always been the kind of guy that found everything exciting and was able to make the most horrible situation somewhat tolerable if not good.</p><p>’’So what are your plans for today?’’ Bucky asked. ’’And where’s your mom?’’</p><p>’’Ma had to take care of something,’’ Steve replied and shook his jacket a little to make the coins hit against each other. ’’She gave me money to get some things from the store.’’</p><p>''To the store, it is then,'' Bucky said and turned around, now standing right next to Steve. They began walking toward the small store that was mostly hidden by trees that looked like they were going to fall over any moment now. ''Do you know what you need to get?''</p><p>Steve nodded, ’’Just some flour and potatoes. Sugar too if they have it.’’</p><p>’’You should save up the money your mom gave you,’’ Bucky said. ’’I just got paid today and I got some extra because of this project that I helped with, so I can pay for whatever it is that you guys need.’’</p><p>Steve looked at Bucky, a little shocked, ’’I… It’s okay, you don’t have to do that, Buck. We can make it on our own.’’</p><p>’’I know that,’’ Bucky replied. ’’But the things is… You don’t have to. My dad is still working and mom’s doing whatever she can to earn a little extra money so we’re in a pretty good situation right now. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t help my best friend out?’’</p><p>’’But-’’</p><p>''Nope, not listening,'' Bucky told him. ''I'm going to buy those things for you guys and that is final. Just think of it as a present or something. Come on, Stevie, let me do this.''</p><p>’’Fine,’’ Steve finally whispered. ’’Only if you’re sure.’’</p><p>''Mmh, I'm sure,'' Bucky said, smiling again. ''I heard that that sickness of yours only got worse after I left a couple of weeks ago but you seem to be doing better now. You don't look as pale as you did then.''</p><p>''Oh, it got worse,'' Steve chuckled as they arrived in front of the store. ''I'm doing better though, yeah, it's just that whenever I go into a building that has that kind of… you know, stuffy air that I struggle a little bit but other than that I'm fine.''</p><p>’’Well, in that case, you’re not going to come with me in there,’’ Bucky said, nodding toward the small store building next to them. ’’The guy who runs this place is pretty old and let’s just say that the air quality or the cleanliness isn’t exactly something he cares a whole bunch about.’’</p><p>’’So you just want me to wait outside?’’</p><p>’’Yep,’’ Bucky said happily and opened the door into the store. ’’And button up your jacket, it’s getting kinda cold here again.’’</p><p>’’Yes, mother,’’ Steve mocked, making Bucky laugh as he disappeared inside the store.</p><p>He looked around a little and noticed that the building actually had windows but they were covered in things like mud and… whatever the other stuff was. It made Steve shudder and step a little further away from it.</p><p>A couple of guys who looked to be around the same age as Steve arrived in the front yard of the store on their bicycles, both of them smoking cigarettes as they chatted about something and laughed.</p><p>They hopped off their bikes and left them on the left side of the store. One of the young men, the one who was a little taller than the other, took his cigarette in his hand and threw it on the ground.</p><p>He eyed Steve with a curious look in his eyes.</p><p>’’Good day,’’ Steve told them, the voice of his Ma in his head telling him to be polite even though the last thing he wanted right now was to talk to a stranger.</p><p>’’Good day to you too,’’ the taller one said and whistled at his buddy. ’’Look who we’ve got here. I’ve never seen you around before.’’</p><p>’’I’m not from here,’’ Steve answered, his eyes flickering back and forth between the two young men. There was something wrong here and he didn’t like the feeling at all.</p><p>’’Not from around here, I see,’’ the taller one continued and walked around him. He got closer to Steve. ’’What’s your name?’’</p><p>’’I don’t really see how that’s any of your business,’’ Steve spat at him, taking a step backward.</p><p>’’Is that so?’’ the shorter guy laughed and joined his friend in surrounding Steve. ’’You got any money?’’</p><p>’’No,’’ Steve replied immediately. He could feel himself beginning to breathe a little faster. He didn’t like where this was going.</p><p>’’No?’’ The taller man asked. ’’Then why are you going to the store?’’</p><p>’’I’m not.'' Right at this moment, Steve wished he was as good with his words as Ma or Bucky were.</p><p>’’You’re not! Did you hear that?’’ the taller man laughed and took hold of Steve's jacket before slamming him against the door. ’’Then what the hell are you doing here, just standing around? You think we’re that stupid, do you? Huh?!’’</p><p>’’No, I don’t,’’ Steve gasped out, his hands making their way to the man’s chest. He would have tried pushing him away but he knew it was no use. He wasn’t strong enough. ’’Let me go.’’</p><p>’’Check his pockets,’’ the taller man ordered and his friend got to work. He rummaged through Steve’s pockets until he found the coins his Ma had given him earlier.</p><p>’’Look what we got here,’’ he said, smiling his wide smile.</p><p>’’Not much,'' the taller man scoffed and turned to look back at Steve. ''You got nothing else?''</p><p>’’Obviously not,’’ Steve gasped out. ’’Take the damn money and let me the hell go.’’</p><p>’’Little guy’s got a little spirit now, huh?’’ The guy asked. He watched for a moment as Steve tried to kick him. ’’Come on, that’s just sad. Want me to show you how a real man fights?’’</p><p>’’Go to hell!’’ Steve spat out.</p><p>Steve felt the punch in every single inch of his body but the worst of it could be felt on his cheekbone. He was dropped on the ground in front of the store, his face smashing against the ground. The blood that was now dripping from his nose didn’t make the situation any better.</p><p>With a final kick to the stomach, the two guys left him alone, still laughing.</p><p>Steve coughed as much as his lungs allowed him to and took a few gasping breaths. His face hurt and he was sure that his ribs were going to bruise. He hated that he could already feel his eyes burning with tears because, despite everything, he'd always wanted to think that he wasn't weak but it was in moments like this that he remembered that it didn't matter what he thought because the truth was that <em>weak</em> was exactly what he had always been and what he was most likely always going to be.</p><p>He held onto his side, groaning on the ground in pain. He had no idea how long he'd been lying there when he heard and saw somebody running toward him, calling out his name. Bucky was still in the store, that much he was aware of, so it couldn't have been him.</p><p>''Steven! Steven!'' The voice sounded like it was calling for him from all directions. He tried to lift his head to see a little better but his head felt like it suddenly weighed at least a ton.</p><p>’’Steve, oh my God,’’ the voice said again, now much closer. A hand was placed on his shoulder. ’’Honey?’’</p><p>’’Ma?’’ Steve asked, voice coming out breathy. ’’Ma?’’</p><p>’’Yes, it’s me, baby. Oh, what happened?’’ Ma asked him, cupping his face in her hands.</p><p>’’How are you here… already? I-’’</p><p>’’I looked out of the window and I saw you just laying here,’’ his Ma explained quickly and took a tissue out of her pocket. ’’Tell me what happened. Where’s James?’’</p><p>’’Some guys, I don’t know,’’ Steve moaned. ’’Ma, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-’’</p><p>’’Shh, baby, what?’’ his Ma asked, sounding more confused.</p><p>’’They took the money,’’ Steve whispered, having to force the words out of his mouth. An embarrassing sob escaped him. ’’There was nothing I could do, they were stronger than me and taller than me and all I could do was let them do all that to me. I’m sorry, Ma, I-’’</p><p>’’You shut your mouth, Steven,’’ Ma said then, her voice a little more strict. She took a hold of her son’s arm and helped him to sit up so that they were eye to eye. ’’You listen to me. Forget about the money.’’</p><p>’’But-’’</p><p>’’No, you listen to me,'' she repeated, tightening her hold on his head, forcing him to look at her. ''You're my child so I know you did everything you could in that situation even if it wasn't much. There will always be bullies in this world, Steven, and the best way to take away their power, no matter what they do to you or how bad they beat you, is to always stand up again. No matter what, you always get back up. Do you understand?''</p><p>Steve wiped a tear away with the back of his hand. ’’Yes, Ma.’’</p><p>’’That’s my baby,’’ Ma whispered and hugged Steve close to her. ’’Always get back up. Promise me.’’</p><p>’’I promise.’’</p><p>’’Good, good,’’ his Ma said and looked around. ’’Now you’ve got to focus, Steven. Tell me where James is.’’</p><p>’’He went to the store,’’ Steve gasped out, still finding it a little hard to breathe. It was a little better now though since he was sitting up.</p><p>’’Okay, okay,’’ Ma said, and only now Steve noticed that she’d been crying too. She took the tissue and held it against Steve’s nose. ’’This reminds me of when you were younger. This used to happen almost every day.’’</p><p>Steve chuckled lightly at the memory but regretted it immediately when his ribs reminded him that it was a bad idea to move so suddenly. His Ma kept running her fingers through his hair.</p><p>The door of the store opened and Bucky walked outside, seeming to be in a good mood.</p><p>’’Steve, I got everything you- Steve?’’ Bucky asked, quickly making his way to where Steve and his Ma were sitting on the ground, both looking shaken up. His eyes were as wide as Steve had ever seen them. ’’W- What happened? I was gone for five minutes or ten or something, I-’’</p><p>’’James, it’s okay,’’ Ma said with her calm voice. ’’Help me get him up.’’</p><p>Bucky held on to the small bag the groceries were in and moved over to Steve’s right side. He wrapped his arm gently around him and Steve placed his arm across Bucky’s shoulders even though it hurt like hell.</p><p>Ma did the same but on the other side.</p><p>’’What happened?’’ Bucky couldn’t help but ask again.</p><p>’’Some bastards beat him up to get his money,’’ Ma explained. ’’Do you know when the next bus will be here, James? We’ve got to get him home so he can rest.’’</p><p>’’Uh, it shouldn’t be long now,’’ Bucky replied, in a little bit of a shock himself. ’’Let’s just get him to the intersection, there’s a bench nearby and the bus always stops there.’’</p><p>’’Alright,’’ Ma answered, and they began their slow walk to the bench.</p><p>Each step Steve took was laced with pain.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>N o v e m b e r  2 n d, 1 9 3 2</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Waking up to the sound of a page being turned wasn’t something Steve was used to but when he saw that it was Bucky who was sitting on the edge of the bed, a thick-looking book in his hands, he felt himself relax again.</p><p>’’What are you reading?’’ he asked, his voice coming out quiet.</p><p>Bucky jumped slightly, almost dropping his book in the process. He glared at Steve.</p><p>’’Holy shit, you scared me.’’</p><p>''Language,'' Steve chuckled and took hold of Bucky's wrist, moving his hand out of the way so that he could see the title of the book. ’’The Picture of Dorian Gray? What kind of a book is that? I’ve never heard of it.’’</p><p>’’I don’t know yet, I just started it,’’ Bucky told him with a shrug. ’’I found it abandoned at this library that I went to. They just told me to take it and I wasn’t going to pass on an opportunity to get a free book.’’</p><p>''Of course, you didn't,'' Steve said, smiling up at his friend.</p><p>''I did ask about it though,'' Bucky continued, shutting the book. ''The library lady looked embarrassed and just told me that back when it had been written, a lot of people had been shocked after reading it.’’</p><p>Steve looked at the book curiously. ’’I wonder what’s so wrong about it.’’</p><p>’’No idea,’’ Bucky said, placing the book on the cabinet beside them. ’’I’ll tell you when I find out.’’</p><p>’’Deal,’’ Steve laughed.</p><p>Bucky chuckled a little too before running his finger gently against the bruise that was still forming on Steve’s cheekbone.</p><p>’’That doesn’t look good,’’ Bucky mumbled. ’’They got you good, didn’t they?’’</p><p>Steve shrugged and let out a small sigh, hating the expression on Bucky’s face. ’’Buck...’’</p><p>’’I’m sorry that I wasn’t there,’’ Bucky said quickly before Steve could continue, sounding disappointed in himself. ’’I shouldn’t have left you alone.’’</p><p>’’Bucky, it’s fine,’’ Steve told him, sitting up slightly. Bucky glanced at him. ’’Really. You didn’t tell those guys to attack me, did you? Or to take the money? No, you didn’t. They were jerks, that’s all.’’</p><p>’’If I’d gotten there a little earlier-’’</p><p>’’They probably would have beat you up too,’’ Steve told him, letting out a small sigh. ’’It’s all okay now and we’re home. We’re safe.’’</p><p>The look on Bucky’s face turned from disappointed to sad and Steve felt his heart sink. He placed his hand back on Bucky’s wrist, forcing the young man to look at him again.</p><p>’’She told you, didn’t she?’’ Steve asked him.</p><p>’’About what?’’</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes at him and rested his head back against the pillow. ’’That we’re moving to Brooklyn Heights because of her new job.’’</p><p>Bucky stared back at him for a moment longer before turning away again.</p><p>’’Yeah, she told me.’’</p><p>’’I don’t wanna go,’’ Steve said quickly, wanting to make that clear. ’’Believe me, Buck, I really don’t but… Ma’s job is there. She can’t walk an hour one way every single day. It wouldn’t make sense.’’</p><p>’’When are you leaving?’’ Bucky asked.</p><p>Steve sighed, ’’Buck, don’t do that.’’</p><p>’’What?’’</p><p>’’Don’t shut me out,’’ Steve said. ’’You always do that when you’re upset and I hate it. Do you think I like this situation? Because I <em>don’t</em> and if it was up to me, I wouldn’t go but we have to do this. Ma lost her job and there is no other job for her here.’’</p><p>''She's going to work at the hospital?'' Bucky assumed. Steve nodded. ''The factory I work for a few days a week is only about a twenty-minute walk away from there. We could meet up on those days. Maybe I could even stay overnight at your place now and then. I could even buy you guys a little food or whatever it is that you need. You could also come and stay with us every once in a while for a couple of days. I could buy you bus tickets-''</p><p>’’Bucky, stop.’’</p><p>Bucky quieted down, biting his lip.</p><p>’’We don’t have to figure out the details right now,’’ Steve told him, feeling his throat tighten a little when he noticed Bucky’s eyes shining with unshed tears. ’’We’re not going to be leaving until the end of the month. We have plenty of time to figure all of this out, okay? But no matter what, we’ll find a way to see each other at least every week, I’m sure of it.’’</p><p>Bucky gulped, and glanced at Steve before looking back down again. ’’I don’t want you to leave me.’’</p><p>Steve stared at him for a while and noticed a lone tear falling down Bucky’s cheek. He gave him a small smile and wiped the tear away.</p><p>’’I’m not gonna leave you,’’ Steve promised. ’’I’m always going to be with you, Buck. I swear. No matter what, we’ll always find a way back to each other.’’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You can find the posting schedule for this and my other fics on my Tumblr if you want to go check them out.<br/>https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rosetterer</p>
<p>Even if you're not interested in the schedules, please come chat with me :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Focus on the dates!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>P a r t  I I I. </b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>C y c l o n e</b> </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>J u l y 1 2 t h, 1 9 3 5</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They had arrived at Becca's only about an hour ago. Her apartment was small but charming much like the woman herself and even though Bucky looked like he'd heard the story many times before, Becca told them about how she'd gotten the apartment in the first place and how she'd only managed to buy a proper bed for herself two weeks ago after sleeping on a mattress for such a long amount of time that she'd refused to say it out loud. She'd only held up three fingers. Whether that had meant three weeks, three months, or three years, nobody but her knew and they didn't bother asking.</p><p>This whole trip had come to Steve as a surprise. Since Bucky hadn't been able to take time off during Steve's actual birthday, he'd promised him they'd celebrate it at some point during the month. While Bucky had been stuck at work, working some extra hours, he'd planned a trip for them to Coney Island where his sister lived, all expenses taken care of by him. Steve had refused at first because he didn't want Bucky wasting money on him but when Bucky had shown him the paper he'd gotten from his boss after weeks of begging, showing that he had time off from work for a week, he hadn't been able to say no.</p><p>''My gosh, I've been only talking about myself all this time,'' Becca then said, letting out an awkward little laugh. ''It's just been such a long while since I've seen you two… Anyway, so, how has it been living in an apartment for the past few years, Steve?''</p><p>''It's been alright,'' Steve answered to her, taking a sip of the lemonade Becca had served to them. ''I still find myself missing the house sometimes and I think Ma does too but just doesn't say it. I hope we can go back there one day.''</p><p>''This lemonade tastes like crap,'' Bucky said, placing his glass back down on the table.</p><p>Becca glared at him, ''I only had two lemons and barely any sugar. Of course, it's going to taste like crap.''</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes at the siblings. He thought the lemonade tasted just fine.</p><p>''When I first moved here,'' Becca started, looking away from her brother and back at Steve. ''This place looked plain and most of the things here were broken in one way or another, which was probably why it was so cheap but slowly I managed to make it feel like home. Now I just have to find myself a rich man so that I never have to live in a place like this ever again.''</p><p>''That's your plan for the future?'' Bucky asked, still sipping on his lemonade.</p><p>It was Steve's turn to glare at him, ''Buck...''</p><p>''Obviously not, you idiot,'' Becca replied, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. ''Why would I keep studying if I was just thinking of becoming some kind of a housewife? Don't get me wrong, I'd very much like to get married one day and maybe even make you an uncle despite what a bastard you are sometimes.''</p><p>The look of Bucky's face softened a little, ''Uncle Bucky, ugh. Can you imagine that, Steve?''</p><p>''It doesn't sound so bad, Buck,'' Steve replied with a chuckle.</p><p>Bucky sighed at him and the corners of his mouth lifted into a small half-smile, ''I guess not.''</p><p>''Let's move on from having kids and whatnot,'' Becca said, cringing at the thought. ''You guys came here for the amusement park. Are you going to go there today?''</p><p>''It's already closed,'' Bucky said, glancing at Steve. ''We're going tomorrow.''</p><p>''That's good then.'' Becca smiled. ''Because I have some plans for us tonight.''</p><p>Bucky eyed her, suspicious, ''Do I even want to know?''</p><p>Becca winked at him and got up from her seat around the table. She walked into the kitchen right next to them and grabbed two bottles from the kitchen cabinet. She came back to them with one bottle in each hand and grinned at her guests.</p><p>''What do you say we have some fun?''</p><p> </p><p>Bucky sat on the floor, his head resting against Steve's leg. At the beginning of the night, he'd been sitting on the armrest of the chair that Steve had occupied since they'd arrived but eventually with each drink, he found himself getting closer and closer to the edge before ending up on the floor and causing his sister and best friend to get into a horrible laughing fit that had lasted for at least fifteen minutes.</p><p>''You know,'' Bucky started, waving a half-empty glass in his hand. ''I've been a horrible brother.''</p><p>Becca shot him an offended look as she shifted into a more comfortable position on the couch, ''What are you talking about?''</p><p>''I didn't even ask you where you got those bottles,'' Bucky chuckled, pointing at the said bottles on the living room table. ''You're not even twenty-one and both Stevie and I are nowhere near that age.''</p><p>''Nowhere near, yeah right,'' Becca repeated, laughing. ''I'm almost twenty-one and let's not pretend that you two have never tasted alcohol before.''</p><p><em>'</em>'Well, when you've been working with old men in a factory ever since you were basically a kid...'' Bucky didn't get to finish his sentence as the loud doorbell interrupted him.</p><p>Becca's eyes widened and a smile appeared on her face. ''They're here!''</p><p>Bucky looked up at Steve with a questioning look and Steve shrugged at him, not knowing what was going on around him.</p><p>Becca hurried to the door, fixing her hair while doing so, and took a deep breath before opening the door for whoever it was that was wanting to join their little celebration.</p><p>''Come in, come in,'' she said. ''Just take your shoes off. I cleaned today.''</p><p>''Yeah, right,'' Bucky huffed, making Steve laugh.</p><p>Becca soon joined them in the living room again, three strangers following right behind her.</p><p>''This is Bucky, my brother. He's a little grumpy,'' Becca said to the strangers and then pointed at Steve. ''And this is his friend, Steve Rogers.''</p><p>The only man of the three strangers waved at them awkwardly. Steve waved back, unsure of what else to do.</p><p>''So, this is my best friend, Rikki,'' Becca introduced the blonde woman standing next to her who was already looking a little drunk. Then she pointed at the man and the woman standing a little off to the side, ''And that's Sandra and Rick.''</p><p>''Your brother's cute,'' Steve could hear Rikki whispering into Becca's ear, probably thinking she was being quieter than she actually was.</p><p>''Come on, let's get you all something to drink,'' Becca continued and got the new guests to follow her into the kitchen.</p><p>''Why did she have to invite people over today?'' Bucky asked, downing what was left in his glass.</p><p>''What is it with you today?'' Steve asked. ''Her friends seem like nice people and we've been having a good time so far.''</p><p>''Just...'' Bucky started, placing his empty glass on the table. ''Just not how I thought this night would go, I guess.''</p><p>Steve frowned down at him. ''You had plans for tonight? You said the park was already closed.''</p><p>''Not that kind of plans,'' Bucky replied to him, sounding tired. ''I guess I just hope- thought that we'd have some time to spend together, just the two of us and we could've just… talked. I've been so busy at work, I feel we like haven't truly talked in a long, long time.''</p><p>Steve chuckled at him softly and smiled, ''How about we spend an hour with Becca's friends before excusing ourselves into the bedroom? Then we can talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about.''</p><p>Bucky nodded and smiled up at him, ''Okay. But only an hour!''</p><p>''I should get you drunk more often,'' Steve continued, still chuckling. ''To get you to open up more.''</p><p>Bucky poured himself another drink.</p><p> </p><p>Steve and Bucky supported each other as they made their way into Becca's bedroom where there was a mattress laid out for them. It was a little wider than a normal mattress but from the first glance, despite how drunk they were, they could both tell it was going to be a tight fit.</p><p>''That's what we're supposed to sleep on?'' Bucky asked, staring at the mattress on the floor while Steve kicked the door shut behind them. The talking and the laughter of Becca and her friends could still be heard but it was much quieter.</p><p>Steve sighed in relief. All the noises had been making his head hurt.</p><p>He sat down on the mattress, ''It's better than nothing. At least it's kinda soft.''</p><p>''Yeah?'' Bucky asked, struggling to get rid of the jacket he'd been wearing all evening long. He cursed quietly and finally got himself free. He threw the jacket on the floor and laid down on the mattress. ''Steve?''</p><p>''Mmh?'' Steve hummed, scooting backward so that he could lean against the wall next to them.</p><p>''I think,'' Bucky let out a tired giggle. ''I think we're a little drunk.''</p><p>''You definitely are,'' Steve teased, knowing fully well that his speech was coming out a little slow and slurry as well. ''But I think that's the point of drinking.''</p><p>''You think?'' Bucky asked, grabbing the pillow from the other side of the mattress and shoving it under his head. ''You know… I wasn't planning on getting drunk tonight. Tonight was supposed to be important.''</p><p>''What you mean, Buck?'' Steve asked.</p><p>''We weren't supposed to get drunk,'' Bucky rambled on. ''I was supposed to give Becca some money and send her to the store for us to get something to eat or somethin' like that. While she was gone, I was supposed to tell you something.''</p><p>''Well, we have time now,'' Steve told him, not knowing what else to say.</p><p>Bucky glanced at him, the expression in his eyes so different from anything Steve had ever seen before that it almost scared him.</p><p>''You won't want to be my friend if I tell you...''</p><p>''That's stupid, Buck,'' Steve said with a frown. ''You know you can tell me anything.''</p><p>Bucky shook his head. ''You'll hate me.''</p><p>''Stop that,'' Steve ordered, his voice shaking a little. ''Is it something serious?''</p><p>''No,'' Bucky huffed. He let out an annoyed whine. ''Well, it is but I don't know how to say it. It's really weird, Stevie.''</p><p>''Let me be the judge of that,'' Steve suggested.</p><p>Bucky stared at him long and hard, almost as if he was worried Steve would disappear if he blinked even once. The look on his face didn't change at all and Steve hated it because, for the first time in his life, he couldn't tell what was going on inside of his friend's head. They'd always been so connected and for some reason, right now, he felt like he was looking back at a completely different Bucky than the one he'd known his whole life.</p><p>But that could've been just the alcohol messing with him.</p><p>''I like you,'' Bucky whispered then. ''I really like you. I love you, Steve.''</p><p>Steve chuckled at him, both relieved and nervous. ''Yeah, I mean, I love you too, Bucky-''</p><p>Another whine came out of Bucky's mouth as he dramatically rolled over to his side, his back now facing Steve.</p><p>''Not like that, you punk.''</p><p>Steve wished he had any idea what Bucky was going on about. He didn't know whether Bucky was too drunk to be making any sense or if he was too drunk to understand what his best friend was trying to tell him.</p><p>''Sorry, Buck, I'm really not following-''</p><p>In a split second, the weight on the mattress shifted as Bucky sat up from where he'd been laying down. The scent of whatever alcohol it had been that Becca had practically poured down their throats was strong in Bucky's breath as he leaned in closer and closer toward Steve until his dry lips were tightly pressed against his.</p><p>Before Steve's drunken brain could even register what was happening, it was already over.</p><p>With a look of horror, Bucky stood up from his awkward position on the mattress, pulling away from Steve. He started pacing back and forth in the tight space between where they were meant to be sleeping and Becca's bed, his thoughts running wild.</p><p>Steve brought his hand to his lips, carefully touching them with his fingertips as if to make sure that what had just happened, had really happened and he hadn't just imagined it.</p><p>''Fuckin' stupid,'' he could hear Bucky mumble to himself. ''Stupid, stupid, stupid...''</p><p>Steve watched the man for a moment before speaking up, ''Buck-''</p><p>''This is why I didn't want to tell you,'' Bucky told him, finally stopping his little march around the room. He looked over to Steve. ''I can see it on your face. You think it's disgusting. I'm disgusting!''</p><p>''Shh,'' Steve hushed him in a hurry, suddenly remembering that he and Bucky were not the only ones in the apartment. He got up from his seat on the mattress. ''You've got to stay quiet, Buck.''</p><p>Bucky stared at him again, the look on his face a mixture of disgust and fear. ''That's all you've got to say about this?''</p><p>''I don't know what this is!'' Steve whispered, wishing that he could scream right now because he was in a bit of a panic mode. ''First, you tell me there's something important you have to tell me and I'm imagining all the worst-case scenarios in my head, thinking you're going to tell me you're dying or something. But no, it's just that you love me. And then you go ahead and do… that.''</p><p>''You don't know what I love you means? Or what kissing means?'' Bucky asked him with a bitter laugh, looking away from him again.</p><p>''I do know what those things mean,'' Steve replied to him calmly, ignoring the anger in his friend's voice. ''What I'm trying to understand here is that… You're telling me you love me. More than a friend?''</p><p>''Yes!'' Bucky exclaimed, sitting down on the edge of Becca's bed. ''I don't understand it either, Steve. I don't love my other friends the way I love you. I don't even like them the way that I like you and it's been messing with my head for years now and I can't-''</p><p>''Years?'' Steve gasped out.</p><p>Bucky sighed, ''You don't have to feel the same way about me. And I shouldn't have kissed you like that without asking for your permission first. I'm sorry. I don't know what this is either, Steve and I don't know why I feel this way toward you, a guy, but I do and no matter how many times I try telling myself that that isn't true or how many girls I kiss, no matter how beautiful, it just… doesn't go away. Like it's a part of me… or something. Steve, I-''</p><p>''Shut up,'' Steve said, deciding he'd heard enough. He took a step forward, now standing as close to Bucky as possible. Slowly, he brought his hand to Bucky's cheek, feeling how warm his flushed skin was, and let his hand travel down so that his thumb barely scraped against his lower lip. ''Can I…?''</p><p>Bucky stared up at him with tear-filled eyes that looked so tired. He nodded, unsure of what was to come.</p><p>Steve leaned down, which wasn't something he got to do much when it came to Bucky or really anyone else. He pressed his lips softly against Bucky's and moved slightly, trying to understand what it was that he was feeling.</p><p>It was Bucky who ended the kiss by looking down at his shaking, clammy hands.</p><p>''Look at me,'' Steve whispered, his heart beating fast. Bucky didn't comply so Steve moved his hand even further down, bringing it under Bucky's chin and forcing him to look him in the eye. ''I still don't know what this is but Bucky… There's always been this feeling when I've been with you. I've tried to understand it but I've never been able to. Whether that's love or something else, I think I'm willing to find out, as long as we do it together.''</p><p>A heartbreaking sob escaped Bucky and he brought his shaking hands over his mouth, trying to stifle himself. Steve smiled sadly at him and stroked his fingers through his hair, gently hushing him. Bucky rested his face against Steve's stomach, wrapping his arms around him in a desperate manner.</p><p>He sniffled against Steve's shirt, ''I wouldn't ask you for anything more than that.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>J u l y 1 3 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 5</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The morning after was rough.</p><p>The clothes Steve had been wearing the night before smelled like alcohol so he took out some clean clothes from his bag and put them on after a quick wash up by the sink. He'd never been drunk before, so he hadn't known what to expect in the morning but so far, he was doing well.</p><p>He walked out of the bedroom where Becca was still sleeping.</p><p>The apartment didn't look as neat as it had when they'd arrived the previous day but it didn't look as bad as Steve had expected it to look. Becca's friend, Rick, was asleep on the couch but her two other friends were nowhere to be seen.</p><p>A scent of something slightly sweet filled the room when Steve walked toward the kitchen. A very pale Bucky was standing in front of the oven, waiting.</p><p>''Morning,'' Steve said carefully and smiled a little before joining him. ''What are you doing?''</p><p>Bucky frowned at him. ''Of course, you're in a good mood after getting drunk. Are you not even feeling sick?''</p><p>Steve laughed, ''I feel fine. My head just hurts a little.''</p><p>''Punk,'' Bucky whispered and took a peek in the oven. ''I found some Bisquick and made cookies out of it. I was gonna ask the fella sleeping on the couch if he wanted any but I couldn't remember his name.''</p><p>''Rick,'' Steve said immediately. ''Did you see Becca's other friends leave this morning?''</p><p>Bucky groaned, ''Yeah. One of them tried to hit on me or something. Then she got mad, 'cause I couldn't even remember meeting her last night, let alone her name.''</p><p>''You're the worst,'' Steve laughed, hitting him on the arm. He let his hand rest against it, the memories of last night coming back to him just like that. A moment of silence followed and Steve let go of him. ''Do you uhh… Do you remember what we talked about last night?''</p><p>The look on Bucky's face softened. ''How could I forget?''</p><p>Steve smiled at him shyly, leaning in a little closer and-</p><p>''What's that smell?'' Becca groaned, making her way out of the bedroom. She was only wearing her nightgown and a robe. Her hair was a mess.</p><p>Bucky laughed at the sight of his sister, immediately regretting it when a sharp pain shot through his head.</p><p>''Bucky's making cookies,'' Steve replied to Becca, rubbing his hand up and down Bucky's back as the poor guy struggled with his headache.</p><p>''Ah, he found the Bisquick,'' Becca realized and joined them in the kitchen. ''I'd kill for some coffee right now but I don't have any...''</p><p>''You could run to the store,'' Bucky told her, feeling a little better.</p><p>''Looking like this?'' Becca asked. ''I don't think so. Did my friends leave already? Other than Rick.''</p><p>''Yep,'' Bucky replied and nudged Steve a little. ''Do the cookies look done to you?''</p><p>Steve took a look in the oven. ''Yeah, I think so.''</p><p>''You should wake up your friend,'' Bucky told his sister as he carefully took the cookies out of the oven. ''Breakfast's ready.''</p><p>''What are we going to drink with it?'' Steve asked as Becca hurried back to the living room.</p><p>''There's still some lemonade in the refrigerator,'' Bucky replied, transferring the cookies onto a plate. ''Would you mind grabbing it for me?''</p><p>''I got it,'' Steve replied, smiling and opened the refrigerator. It was mostly empty so it wasn't hard to find the pitcher with the lemonade in it. He held it up for Bucky to see. ''I'm guessing it's this one.''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky laughed. ''There's not a lot in the refrigerator. I think we should stock it up for her before we leave. Can't have her drinking that disgusting lemonade, now can we?''</p><p>''I still think it tastes fine,'' Steve told him with a teasing smirk.</p><p>''Well, you don't have good taste,'' Bucky laughed, following after him as they made their way into the living room.</p><p>''I do sometimes,'' Steve whispered to him as he set the pitcher down on the living room table.</p><p>''We're eating here?'' Becca, who was now sitting in the armchair, asked.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky replied, glancing at Rick, who was still trying to wake himself up after Becca had shaken him awake. He looked the worst out of all of them. ''I just thought it'd be easier for your friend here to not have to get up.''</p><p>''Thanks,'' the man on the couch said quietly.</p><p>''No problem,'' Bucky replied and set the plate of cookies down. ''Ugh, I forgot to get glasses.''</p><p>''I'll get them,'' Steve offered, even though he'd already sat down on the floor.</p><p>''No, you stay. I'll get them,'' Bucky said, already going.</p><p>''I hope the mattress wasn't too uncomfortable,'' Becca said while Bucky rummaged through the kitchen. ''I hope you slept okay.''</p><p>''It was a fine mattress,'' Steve replied. ''Better than the one Bucky always sleeps on when he comes over to our apartment. I don't even know where Ma got it from.''</p><p>''Sometimes it's best not to know.''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve laughed.</p><p>''Here we go,'' Bucky said as he appeared back in the living room. He set down the glasses and took a seat next to Steve on the floor.</p><p>With a groan, Rick finally sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing them back. Bucky couldn't help but notice how his sister was looking at the man. He was going to have to ask about it later.</p><p>Bucky picked up a cookie and took a bite out of it. ''So, Rick… How did you meet my sister?''</p><p>''Oh,'' Rick mumbled, surprised at the question. ''Our colleges aren't that far away from each other and there have been a lot of… gatherings between the students from those schools. Rikki introduced me to her.''</p><p>''Interesting,'' Bucky replied, grabbing another cookie for himself. ''What's your full name?''</p><p>''Bucky!'' Becca whispered at him, warningly.</p><p>Rick only laughed. ''It's alright. I'm Richard Proctor but like you may have noticed, everyone just calls me Rick. What's your name? I doubt any parent would have named their child Bucky.''</p><p>Bucky smirked at him. ''James. James Barnes.''</p><p>''That makes more sense,'' Rick answered, taking a sip of the lemonade and cringing. Bucky shot Steve a look that said: I told you so. ''How does one go from James to Bucky?''</p><p>''When we were little, Steve had an uncle named James,'' Bucky started, knowing how much Steve hated this story, mostly because he'd heard it a thousand times before. ''He decided that there couldn't be two people called James in his life, so he wanted to give me a nickname. He couldn't come up with anything until one day I did something bad and my mother got mad at me and called me by my full name. James Buchanan Barnes. Steve started calling me Buchanan but got tired of it quickly, so he shortened it to Bucky. When we started going to school, there were at least three other Jameses there and I think we all went by different names so that we could be differentiated. Do you remember what those names were, Steve?''</p><p>Steve swallowed down a bite of his cookie. ''One of them was just James. I think he was the oldest. Then there was obviously you, Bucky and there was Jim. I think the youngest one went by JJ because he was a James Junior.''</p><p>''Oh yeah,'' Bucky whispered. ''So there's that story, now back to you, Rick-''</p><p>''Bucky,'' Becca warned him again but Rick waved her off politely.</p><p>''How long have you known my sister?''</p><p>''Couple of years now,'' Rick replied, offering a comforting smile to Becca. ''I helped her fix this apartment actually and uhh… She's been helping out at my father's store whenever she can in between going to school and working. In return, I… Is it okay for me to say this?''</p><p>''I'd rather you didn't,'' Becca told him with a groan.</p><p>''What?'' Bucky asked, now sounding a little worried.</p><p>''School's expensive,'' Becca answered for herself. ''So sometimes he's had to help me pay for it. I'm going to pay it all back one day!''</p><p>Bucky turned to look at Rick again, not sure what to think of him.</p><p>''And I've told her a thousand times she doesn't have to pay me back,'' Rick replied. ''I'm in a good place in my life and I'm very lucky for that because there are a lot of people who aren't. She doesn't owe me anything in return for the money. She's my friend, of course, I'm going to help her out, especially after everything she's helped my father with.''</p><p>His words did make Bucky feel a little better. ''Alright. I guess you're worthy of her time.''</p><p>''Bucky!'' Becca hissed once more, making Rick laugh.</p><p>''You two are ridiculous,'' Steve chuckled, his eyes only focused on the man sitting next to him.</p><p> </p><p>''Are you feeling better?'' Steve asked, walking next to Bucky as they made their way toward the amusement park. He'd been worried about Bucky; he'd genuinely looked pale and almost green for most of the morning until he'd ended up throwing up all of his breakfast.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky answered. ''I don't feel sick anymore but my head hurts a little. It's nothing I can't handle though.''</p><p>Steve nodded. His own headache had disappeared right after breakfast. ''I still don't know if it's a good idea for you to get on a rollercoaster or anything.''</p><p>''Maybe not right now,'' Bucky agreed, laughing a little. ''But later. There's this one that I really want to try out.''</p><p>''Can't wait.''</p><p>''You still got your ticket?'' Bucky asked. He'd only bought them a couple of minutes ago but knew how Steve could be sometimes.</p><p>''Yeah, yeah.'' Steve rolled his eyes and took the ticket out of his pocket.</p><p>''Good,'' Bucky replied. There were all kinds of attractions around them and it was difficult to even try and think about where to start. They'd gotten lucky that today wasn't as warm of a day as the previous one had been. That meant slightly fewer people and shorter waiting time. ''Should we sit down over there and figure out where to start?''</p><p>''Sure.''</p><p>They sat down on a bench where a man and a woman were already sitting, staring into each other's eyes in a disgustingly loving way. The moment that Bucky and Steve sat down next to them, they'd only glanced at them once and left.</p><p>''I guess they wanted to be left alone,'' Bucky chuckled.</p><p>''Yeah, I guess,'' Steve laughed. He turned to look at Bucky. ''Are we gonna… talk about everything that happened yesterday?''</p><p>Bucky turned slightly pale again. ''If that's what you want.''</p><p>''I mean, we agreed to figure this out together,'' Steve continued, his voice coming out small and nervous. ''Right?''</p><p>Bucky nodded. ''Right.''</p><p>''And I still think that's a good idea,'' Steve said, smiling a little. ''But I feel the same way about… whatever this is between us as I do about this park. I have no idea where to start.''</p><p>Bucky chuckled awkwardly but genuinely. ''I know the feeling.''</p><p>''So do you have any ideas?''</p><p>''Well, most of my knowledge comes from films,'' Bucky started, laughing. ''But I did once, a year or so ago, meet this girl and even though I didn't feel anything for her, I decided that I wanted to try with her. It was stupid and all but she did tell me that a good place to start was uh… Going on a date.''</p><p>''A date,'' Steve replied. ''So like going to a restaurant or on a walk or something?''</p><p>''I think it can be anything we want,'' Bucky said.</p><p>''Do you think...'' Steve started and looked around. ''That this could be our first date?''</p><p>''Yeah, why not?'' Bucky shrugged and lowered his voice a little. ''So this is a date.''</p><p>''It's a date,'' Steve whispered back, smiling nervously at Bucky. He focused on those lips of his, remembering the way they'd felt against his the previous night. If only they weren't in public right now…</p><p>''I guess now we just have to figure out what to do here,'' Bucky chuckled, breaking eye contact. ''We have to buy tickets for wherever it is that we want to go.''</p><p>''We have to pay for the rides? I thought it was one and done,'' Steve said to him, shocked, as he played with the ticket in his pocket.</p><p>''We do,'' Bucky laughed. ''But that's okay. Is there somewhere you'd like to go first?''</p><p>''How about...'' Steve said, looking around. He noticed that the poll that was behind them had all kinds of little posters scattered across it. ''That looks kind of interesting.''</p><p>Bucky turned around too, looking at the poster Steve was pointing at. ''The Dragon's Gorge?''</p><p>''Yeah.''</p><p>''Alright,'' Bucky said with a sure voice. ''How about this? I'll go buy us a couple of hotdogs and we'll eat them here. Then we'll go the Dragon's Gorge and after that to my pick?''</p><p>''Sounds good,'' Steve answered. ''But what is your pick exactly?''</p><p>Bucky only smirked at him and got up from his seat.</p><p>''If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise.''</p><p> </p><p>''That was amazing, wasn't it?!'' Steve asked, excited. He'd never seen anything like that before and he already wanted to go again. ''I mean it really felt like we were at the bottom of the sea! And oh my God, that waterfall looked amazing! It was so beautiful I wanted to cry.''</p><p>''I'm glad you didn't,'' Bucky mumbled to the excited man.</p><p>Despite its name, the Dragon's Gorge had been a mild ride, at least in Bucky's opinion. It had been more of a railroad than an actual rollercoaster but he did have to agree with Steve on one thing. It had been beautiful.</p><p>''Which one of the sceneries was your favorite?'' Steve asked.</p><p>''Oh Gosh,'' Bucky thought about his answer for a moment. ''Probably the Grand Canyon. It was breathtaking. Can you imagine what it must look like in reality? I want to go there one day.''</p><p>''Of course, you picked the most boring one,'' Steve teased him. ''But I get what you mean. Now, I've been very patient with you, Buck. I wanna know what that secret pick of yours is.''</p><p>''Well, to find out, all you got to do is turn around.''</p><p>Steve turned around immediately, his eyes first focusing on the name of the ride and then looking up in the sky where the rest of the ride was. He quickly turned back to Bucky, who obviously found the situation hilarious.</p><p>''The Cyclone? Really?'' Steve asked, his eyes wide in surprise. ''You must be insane, James Buchanan Barnes. That doesn't even look safe!''</p><p>''It's fine,'' Bucky swore and took hold of Steve's wrist, pulling him behind him as he started making his way toward the huge rollercoaster. ''There's plenty of people in line and everyone who's gotten on the ride has also gotten off of it. I'll hold your hand the whole time if you want me to.''</p><p>''I'm not a child!'' Steve hissed.<em> But yes, please. He was terrified. </em>''I like adventure as much as you do but… Damn, I wasn't expecting you to be this crazy.''</p><p>''Come on, you wanna do it,'' Bucky told him, dragging him to the back of the line with him. ''And I may have already bought tickets.''</p><p>''Bucky!''</p><p>''You're starting to sound like Becca,'' Bucky laughed quietly.</p><p>''If this is what she feels like all the time when dealing with you...'' Steve shook his head.</p><p>''Oh, come on, you love me,'' Bucky quipped in, his expression immediately turning from happy to panicked. He looked around to make sure no one had heard him before looking back at Steve. ''I mean, I-''</p><p>''It's okay,'' Steve whispered as quietly as he could and gave Bucky a comforting smile. ''No matter what happens, I'm always going to love you in one way or another.''</p><p>''Even after we get on this ride?'' Bucky asked.</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes at him once again. ''We'll see.''</p><p> </p><p>If Steve could speak right now, he would curse at James Buchanan Barnes in all the ways he knew how and make him regret forcing him to get on the ride from hell called the Cyclone.</p><p>Bucky had enjoyed the rollercoaster ride from the beginning to the end, so much so that he hadn't noticed Steve turning paler and paler with each passing moment and eventually looking almost green as his stomach had finally decided that all the drinking from yesterday and the excitement from today had been enough.</p><p>''Are you okay?'' Bucky asked him, sounding apologetic, embarrassed, and amused, all at the same time, as Steve emptied his stomach on the ground behind some small, closed for the day, kiosk.</p><p>Steve coughed and wiped his mouth with a tissue that a worried, elderly woman had handed to him the moment he'd gotten off the ride. He glared at Bucky.</p><p>''What do you think?''</p><p>''Come on, don't be mad, I already said I was sorry,'' Bucky said, smiling sheepishly. ''Although it does make me feel a little better seeing you suffer like this after acting all happy and positive this morning while the rest of us were suffering.''</p><p>Steve ignored him and spat on the ground, wanting to get rid of the disgusting taste in his mouth.</p><p>''I think we've had enough excitement for today,'' Bucky said then, placing his hand on Steve's back. ''What you say we stop by the store, get everything that Becca could ever need and buy you a pack of mints, hm?''</p><p>''And then go back to Becca's?'' Steve asked, sounding pitiful.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky promised, smiling a little wider now. ''Feeling better?''</p><p>Steve nodded and stood up straight for the first time in fifteen minutes. He glared at Bucky one more time. ''Jerk.''</p><p>''Punk.''</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p><em> <b>P a r t  I V.</b> </em> <b></b></p><p>
  <em> <b>S o u l m a t e s</b> </em>
</p>
<hr/><p><em>A u g u s t  1 s t,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It was early in the morning when it began to rain for the first time in a month. Steve sat on the windowsill of his bedroom, a warm cup of coffee in his hands and he waited. After Bucky's promotion at the factory, he'd been working more hours and spending less time at theapartment but a week ago he'd promised Steve that on this day, he would and come and visit, maybe even stay overnight if he wanted him to.</p><p>Steve looked down at the letter Bucky had sent him that was resting in his lap. Every time he read it, he could hear Bucky's voice reading it to him and it was the only thing keeping him sane these days. His Ma worked a lot too and most of the time, when she got home, she was too exhausted to talk about anything and it wasn't like he had many other people to talk to either. He'd never been the best at making friends.</p><p>Steve drank what was left of the coffee and placed the cup on the windowsill. He ran his finger over the sentence that said:</p><p>
  <em>Hold on a little longer. I'll be back soon. I miss you.</em>
</p><p>God, he loved Bucky. There was no doubt about it anymore. Hadn't been for a long time. Even though they were both aware that it wasn't something that they could ever talk about to anyone because just like they hadn't in the beginning, others wouldn't understand it either.</p><p>None of that mattered to Steve. He wouldn't mind if their relationship was never written down on any legal document, as long as he would just get to have Bucky for the rest of his life.</p><p>''I miss you too,'' Steve whispered to the piece of paper and folded it up again. He heard some noises coming from the kitchen which meant that his Ma must have finally woken up.</p><p>He got up from his uncomfortable seat by the window and tucked the letter under his pillow before fetching his coffee cup that he'd almost forgotten about and walked out of his room.</p><p>Ma stood by the window, looking out of it with an odd expression on her face. She was deep in thought.</p><p>''Good morning,'' Steve said to her carefully, making his way into the kitchen.</p><p>His Ma turned to him, a little frightened. ''Oh my… Steven, don't scare me like that.''</p><p>''Sorry,'' Steve replied, smiling apologetically at her. He set his cup down on the counter. ''Are you okay?''</p><p>''Yes, yes,'' Ma said quickly and poured herself a cup of coffee as well. ''I was just lost in my thoughts, I'm sorry. Good morning to you too, dear.''</p><p>''Long day at work yesterday?''</p><p>''Mmh, you could say so.'' his Ma sipped on the hot coffee. ''Although, these days it's always busy there. Did you… Did you tell me yesterday that James was going to come here uhh… today?''</p><p>''Tomorrow,'' Steve corrected, smiling at the mention of the other man. ''Yes. He would like to spend the night too, if that's okay with you, Ma.''</p><p>''Of course, it's okay. I wouldn't mind him spending more time here,'' his Ma replied. ''He's a good man, Steven.''</p><p>''I know that, Ma.''</p><p>His Ma sighed deeply and looked at her son, her usual smile disappearing. ''Speaking of him… There's something that I think we need to talk about, Steven. Why don't we go and sit down?''</p><p>Steve felt his heart skip a beat. If his Ma had figured out what was going on, she wouldn't be acting so calm, would she?</p><p>''Oh, dear,'' his Ma said then, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder. ''Don't look like that. It's not that serious.''</p><p>Steve could only nod.</p><p>''Let's go sit down,'' she repeated, her hand still on Steve's shoulder as they walked into the living room. They sat down on the couch.</p><p>''I- Is everything alright?'' Steve asked, voice coming out all dry and raspy.</p><p>''Yes, of course,'' Ma said immediately, now smiling again. ''It's just about my job, that's all. Everything's alright.''</p><p>''You… You didn't lose it, did you? If they fired you, I'm sure there's a way-''</p><p>''It's nothing like that, Steven,'' Ma promised and hushed him. ''Now let me speak.''</p><p>Steve nodded, once again smiling at her apologetically.</p><p>''There's no simple way to say this,'' Ma started, tapping her fingers against the coffee cup she was holding. ''They are opening a new tuberculosis ward here and they are looking for nurses to work there.''</p><p>''Is the pay better?'' Steve couldn't help but ask.</p><p>Ma frowned. ''Well, I don't know about that but Steven, those people are very sick and they need help. You know what I think about helping people and I feel like it's been a long time since I've truly done that.''</p><p>''But Ma, you work in a hospital-''</p><p>''I know, dear,'' Ma smiled a little. ''But it's not the same. People who are in tuberculosis wards are highly infectious. So far, there haven't been a lot of people willing to take that job. Some, but not a great amount yet and I think that it's something I'd like to do.''</p><p>Steve nodded, listening carefully. ''How- How infectious are we talking about?''</p><p>''Fairly infectious,'' his Ma replied, her voice quieter now. ''I would have to live there, Steven. Well, I don't know if they could force me to but I would want to live there because I can't risk getting you sick.''</p><p>''You already sound like you've made up your mind about this.''</p><p>''I sort of have,'' Ma replied, sounding sad. ''Because we have to do things that we think are right. If you tell me now that you don't want me to go, I won't. You will always be the most important thing in my life.''</p><p>Steve sighed, shaking his head. What was he supposed to say to that? All her life, Ma had worked hard to make money for the two of them while still always being there for Steve and taking care of him. It felt like he didn't have the right to say no.</p><p>''You have the right to say no,'' Ma told him and Steve couldn't help but burst out laughing. She looked at him in confusion. ''What are you laughing about?''</p><p>''No, nothing, just...'' Steve tried to calm himself. ''You just read my mind, that's all.''</p><p>''Oh,'' a small smile played on his Ma's lips. ''I tend to do that, don't I?''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve replied. He placed his hand on top of his Ma's. ''I don't want to stop you from doing what you think is right. I am worried though. What if you get sick?''</p><p>''We'll worry about that if it happens,'' Ma replied to him, taking his hand in hers and squeezing tightly. ''We'll get through anything together, Steven. Okay?''</p><p>''Okay,'' Steve told her, smiling. ''But what will happen to the apartment?''</p><p>''I'll keep paying the rent,'' Ma said. ''I'll send you money every month and I will write to you whenever I can. Now, about James...''</p><p>Steve's eyes snapped up at his Ma. ''W- What about him?''</p><p>''I trust James almost as much as I trust you,'' Ma started. ''I was thinking that he could move in here if he wants to. You could keep each other company and he could pay half of the rent. He could use my bedroom since I'll be leaving all my furniture here and-''</p><p>''I'm going to have to ask him,'' Steve interrupted.</p><p>''Of course.''</p><p>''But I'm going to miss you, Ma. Are you… Are you sure about this?'' Steve asked, feeling his throat tightening up as he held back his tears. He was way too old to be crying about something as silly as this.</p><p>''Little one,'' Ma whispered, placing the coffee cup on the table and placing her now free hand on Steve's cheek. ''I'm sure, but you need to know this… There's no reason to miss me, okay? I will write to you all the time, I promise you and every once in a while, when I'm sure that I'm healthy, I'll come and visit you. This isn't the end of anything, Steven. Just the beginning of something new.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>A u g u s t  2 n d,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>''When did you say your mother was going to be back?'' Bucky asked.</p><p>Steve looked down at Bucky's watch. ''She should be getting off work right about now.''</p><p>''That gives us a little time then...'' Bucky whispered to him with that smirk of his.</p><p>''What did you have in mind?''</p><p>Bucky moved closer. They'd been laying in Steve's bed together, face to face for at least two hours, just talking and sharing a few kisses in between. Mostly, they'd spent the time just looking at each other in that disgustingly sweet way that they'd seen couples do on park benches on warm summer days.</p><p>''Nothing too special,'' Bucky whispered, his lips already brushing against Steve's. ''Just this.''</p><p>Steve found himself being pulled into a kiss that was deeper than any of the ones they'd shared it the last two hours and with a low moan, he went along with it, his hands finding their place in Bucky's hair.</p><p>Bucky gasped for air when Steve pulled away for a quick moment. He pushed Bucky over so that he was now lying on his back and climbed on top of him before bringing him back into the kiss, not even giving him a moment to catch his breath.</p><p>They breathed heavily against each other, hands roaming all over each other's bodies. The bed beneath them let out an unhappy creak but both of them were too caught up in the moment to notice.</p><p>Then, a key turned in the lock and the front door opened.</p><p>''Oh, you've got to be kidding me,'' Bucky groaned and gently pushed Steve off of him, breathing heavily.</p><p>Steve got up from bed, smoothing out his clothes and wiping his lips as if that would take away the slight swelling there. He turned to look at Bucky, who was still just laying there and gave him a look that was telling him to get up and do something.</p><p>''Calm down,'' Bucky told him, getting up from the bed as well.</p><p>''I'm home!'' came Ma's voice from the other side of the door. ''Anybody here?''</p><p>''Tell her that you just woke me up from a nap and that I'll be with you shortly,'' Bucky said to Steve and placed one last kiss on his lips. ''You've got this, darling.''</p><p>Steve nodded and took in a deep breath. It was all okay.</p><p>He walked out of his room and closed the door behind him.</p><p>''There you are,'' his Ma said and glanced at the extra pair of shoes by the front door. ''James is already here?''</p><p>''Yeah, he arrived a couple of hours ago,'' Steve replied, trying to keep his voice normal and calm. ''He fell asleep the moment he got here. Didn't even eat anything. I just woke him up.''</p><p>''He slept in your room?''</p><p>''I didn't have the heart to make him sleep on the mattress,'' Steve lied quickly, just blurting out the first thing that came to mind.</p><p>His Ma seemed to believe him as she immediately smiled. ''That was nice of you. You should've let him sleep though, the poor thing's probably been working all day.''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve mumbled, not sure what else to say. ''How was your day at work?''</p><p>''Good,'' his Ma walked into the kitchen, carrying a bag of groceries that Steve hadn't even noticed. She started putting things away. ''I managed to lure Laura into coming to work at the new ward.''</p><p>''That's great,'' Steve replied, glancing over his shoulder every once in a while.</p><p>''I was thinking of making some soup,'' Ma continued, pacing around the small kitchen. ''Laura gave me some chicken because I loaned her a little money a couple of months back, remember?''</p><p>''I remember,'' Steve said. ''So you're making chicken soup? That's Bucky's favorite.''</p><p>Ma chuckled. ''Yes, I remember. What luck.''</p><p>''Did I hear someone say chicken soup?'' Bucky's voice came from behind Steve and Ma's eyes brightened at the sight of him.</p><p>''Oh my goodness!'' she exclaimed, smiling brightly. She walked over to him, wrapping him up in her arms. She kept her hands on his waist when she pulled away and shook her head in disbelief. ''You've grown up so much. It's been such a long time since I've seen you last.''</p><p>''It has,'' Bucky replied. ''Sorry, I look a little bit of a mess, Sarah. I just woke up.''</p><p>''Yeah, Steve told me,'' she replied to him and ushered the two young men into the living room. ''The soup can wait, I need to hear about everything that's been going on. How are your parents? Oh, and how's Becca doing? I heard she moved again.''</p><p>Steve and Bucky took a seat on the couch.</p><p>''Mom and dad are doing well,'' Bucky replied, and Steve tried his best to pretend that he hadn't already heard everything that Bucky was going to say. ''Becca, she uhh… She did move, all the way to Massachusetts actually. She got into a great school and, well, I guess this is the news our parents were the most excited about… Rick asked her to marry him.''</p><p>''I'm guessing she said yes?'' Ma asked and Bucky nodded. She clasped her hands together. ''Oh, how wonderful!''</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes at his Ma but was glad that the news made her happy.</p><p>''She's quite young though, isn't she?''</p><p>''Two years older than me,'' Bucky said. ''So she's twenty-one.''</p><p>''How have you all grown up so fast?'' Ma asked, looking at the two of them. ''My little one's already eighteen. I feel like it was only yesterday that you two were stealing apples from Mr. Richardson's yard.''</p><p>''Ma,'' Steve whined, embarrassed.</p><p>''What? You did do that. Many, many times,'' Ma laughed at the memory. ''So, James, are you and your parents going to travel to Massachusetts for the wedding?''</p><p>''If possible, yes,'' Bucky replied. ''But the wedding won't be until next summer, so we've not made a lot of plans yet. My mom is in a rush to get her wedding dress shipped to Becca though.''</p><p>''Oh, it's sad that nobody's ever going to get to wear my wedding dress,'' Ma said, smiling. ''It was cheap and very simple looking but I always thought it was beautiful. You wouldn't be interested in wearing a dress on your wedding day, would you, Steven?''</p><p>''Ma!'' Steve exclaimed, shaking his head. ''No! And what wedding day? Ugh-''</p><p>''Calm down, dear,'' Ma said, laughing with Bucky. ''I'm just teasing you. Now, how about we get started on that soup?''</p><p>The moment Ma made her way back into the kitchen, Bucky leaned a little closer to Steve.</p><p>''I think you'd look really pretty in a dress,'' Bucky whispered into his ear, already laughing again.</p><p>''Punk,'' Steve whispered back and smirked at him. Bucky looked at him in confusion. ''Ma! Buck wants to help you make the soup! He's the best at chopping vegetables!''</p><p>''Come here then!'' Ma yelled back.</p><p>''You'll pay for that, jerk,'' Bucky told him, already getting up.</p><p>''We'll see about that, sweetheart.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>A u g u s t  3 r d,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Steve watched Bucky put on his clothes, ready to leave for work again. He hated seeing the other go but knew that it wouldn't be too long until they saw each other again. They'd planned out the rest of the month, writing down all the days that they'd get to spend together.</p><p>''Don't look like that,'' Bucky said, breaking Steve out of his upsetting thoughts. ''After I go to work for today and visit my parents for the rest of the week, we're no longer going to have these long stretches of not seeing each other. We'll be living together! Can you believe it?''</p><p>Steve shook his head, smiling a little. ''No, I can't believe it.''</p><p>Bucky sighed, looking at him worriedly. ''I know that this isn't just a happy occasion. It's going to be weird not having your mom around but she won't be leaving for another two weeks.''</p><p>''I know that,'' Steve said. ''But I'm going to miss her.''</p><p>''Don't let the sadness ruin the time you have with her,'' Bucky reminded him. They'd already talked about this. ''She's a strong lady. She'll be okay, I'm sure of it.''</p><p>''Thank you,'' Steve whispered to him, trying his best to give him a smile before he left for work. ''As difficult as it is going to be living here without her, it does make me feel better knowing that you'll be here with me.''</p><p>''Always,'' Bucky promised and leaned in for a quick kiss. He grabbed his bag from the floor and swung it over his shoulder. ''I have to get going now. I'll see you next week. Wait for me?''</p><p>''Always,'' Steve said right back at him and opened the door for him. The next time Bucky would be coming home, he'd be opening that door with his own key. ''I love you, Buck.''</p><p>''I love you too. Steve.''</p><p> </p><p>In the evening, when Ma came home, Steve was sitting on the floor in front of the door, being ridiculous and feeling sorry for himself. The tired look on Ma's face changed to one of concern when she noticed him.</p><p>''Whatever are you sitting there for, dear boy?'' Ma asked him, kneeling in front of him.</p><p>''Bucky left,'' Steve said, sniffling a little. He couldn't help but laugh at himself. ''I know this is stupid but… I miss him and I'm gonna miss you and everything's just… Everything's changing all of a sudden.''</p><p>Ma smiled at him sadly and brushed her fingers through his hair. ''I know, honey. That's the way the world is sometimes. There comes a time when we all have to learn what that's like. I guess the universe decided it's your turn now.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>A u g u s t  8 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>To. Steve</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I told you I'd write to you before I got back, didn't I? It's probably already Friday when you get this but I'm sure it'll help you last one more night without me next to you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hate to start this letter off with some bad news but my mother is sick and Becca had to travel back to Brooklyn to take care of her until she's better. The doctor will visit us again today so let's hope for good news.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The last time she was this sick was when we were just little. It was years ago, I know that but I still remember those days so well because I got to spend them with you. We stole Mr. Richardson's Mr. Bastard's apples and your ma made the best apple pie out of them. Do you remember, Steve?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was thinking about us today and that was because I saw my father sitting by my mother while she slept. They've been together for so many years and Becca and I know better than anyone that it's not always been perfect between them but at the end of the day they've always been there for each other and they've loved each other no matter what.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's what real love is, and I know we've talked about it many times, wondering what it is that we should call us and I think I finally have an answer. I know that right now you're probably wondering why I'm writing this to you and not just telling you when we meet again but you know that I'm not that good with words, especially when I have to say them out loud so I'll take this opportunity to tell you what I've been thinking about today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Steve, you've always been my best friend and I can't remember life without you. From the moment that I was capable of explaining my feelings toward you, I've loved you. I just never, ever expected to love someone this way or this much. You mean so much to me, Steve and kissing you and hugging you are some of my most favorite things in the entire world. Yesterday, I spoke to this woman that my mom knows. She's lived with her best friend ever since they were twenty years old and I think their relationship is something that everyone knows about but doesn't speak of. I gathered up a lot of courage and I asked her about the ring on her finger. She told me that sometimes a friendship can become more than a friendship. It can turn romantic and then there's no going back. She told me that her ''friend'' was her soulmate and I don't think I've ever heard a more perfect word to describe what it is that we are to each other, Steve.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're soulmates. Don't you think so too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you so much and I'll see you soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>-B.B</b> </em>
</p><p>''Soulmates,'' Steve whispered, his hand running down the letter as he read the words over and over again. Soulmates. That was exactly what they were. He read the entire letter once more before setting it back on the floor.</p><p>He'd been sleeping on the mattress that belonged to Bucky rather than in his bed. It was way more uncomfortable and every morning he woke up feeling cold but it was always worth it. The pillow still had the slightest scent of Bucky and that was the best medicine for sleep that Steve had ever known of.</p><p>He eyed the letter from where he was laying down and laughed at Bucky's messy handwriting. Teachers had always hated his handwriting in school but Steve had always thought it was somehow charming. It was very Bucky, that was for sure.</p><p>''Don't you think it'd be about time for you to get up?'' Ma asked, appearing in the living room, ready for work.</p><p>''Yes, Ma,'' Steve replied, looking up at her. He was glad that her new job didn't begin until next week.</p><p>''You're still reading that letter?'' Ma asked, putting her hair up into a neat bun in front of the mirror.</p><p>''Mmh,'' Steve hummed back. His Ma looked so different when her hair wasn't down.</p><p>Ma took quick steps forward and tried to grab the letter from the floor but Steve was faster than her and grabbed it away from her right before she managed to get a hold of it.</p><p>''Ma!''</p><p>Ma laughed, shaking her head. ''Come on, you've been ogling at that letter for an hour now. Tell me what's going on with James.''</p><p>Steve frowned at her.</p><p>''You boys and your secrets,'' his Ma chuckled to herself, going back over to the mirror and doing finishing touches to her hair. ''Tell me, is he well?''</p><p>''He is,'' Steve told her finally. ''His mother is sick though.''</p><p>''She is? How horrible,'' Ma answered, her voice softening. ''Although I guess it's been a while since the last time… Is Becca with her?''</p><p>''Yeah, she got back to take care of her,'' Steve explained.</p><p>''That's good,'' Ma said and took a long look at herself in the mirror. ''Alright, off to work it is.''</p><p>She made her way to Steve again and knelt down to place a kiss on his forehead.</p><p>''Try to do something today and not just lay there, hm?'' she asked. ''At least make us something to eat, okay?''</p><p>''Yes, Ma.''</p><p>''I'll see you later,'' she told him as she hurried out of the apartment. The door slammed shut behind her and once again, he was alone.</p><p>He looked at the letter again.</p><p>''I love you too, Buck.''</p><p>He folded the letter and put it back in the envelope before gently hugging it against his chest. Since the apartment still felt cold, Steve grabbed the blanket he'd kicked to the edge of the mattress and pulled it over his shoulders.</p><p>Just one more night and day and they would be together again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>A u g u s t  1 3 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The tapping of Steve's finger against the wooden kitchen table was the only sound that could be heard in the apartment. His Ma was sitting opposite of him, looking at her son with a worried frown.</p><p>Another bus had just arrived at the station near their apartment building but <em>he</em> still hadn't come.</p><p>It had already been three days since Bucky should have been back.</p><p>Steve hadn't been able to sleep for the past couple of nights and he could feel it too. His poor body was more tired than usual and the bags under his eyes felt like they weighed a ton. When he'd taken a look in the mirror this morning, he'd almost managed to scare himself with the way he'd looked.</p><p>''Steve,'' his Ma started carefully, placing her hand on top of Steve's.</p><p>Slowly, Steve turned to look at her.</p><p>''Can I make a suggestion?''</p><p>Steve blinked tiredly and nodded.</p><p>''James has always been very good at taking care of himself. I'm sure that he's already sent you a letter explaining everything that is going on and it just hasn't arrived yet. Darling, you know James better than anyone and this isn't like him,'' Ma said. ''I have a feeling that something must have happened with his mother. I know better than to expect you to just sit here and wait for him to come back. So here...''</p><p>His Ma took something out of her little bag that she always took to work with her.</p><p>''I've already been saving up some money for your next birthday,'' she explained, placing some of the money into Steve's hand. ''That's enough for a ticket there and back, right?''</p><p>''Ma, you don't have to-''</p><p>''For once in your life, do as I say, Steven Rogers,'' Ma told him and closed Steve's fist with her hand.</p><p>''I always do, Ma.''</p><p>She smiled. ''I know. You've always been such a good boy. Now go. The next bus is going to leave in ten minutes.''</p><p>Steve got up from his seat, feeling more energetic than he'd felt in the past several days.</p><p>''Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?'' Steve couldn't help but ask as he was already making his way into the living room.</p><p>''I'll be fine,'' he heard his Ma reply as he threw clothes into his bag. ''Take my lunch with you! I'll just make something else for myself to eat at work.''</p><p>Steve closed the bag up, hoping that he had everything he needed. He rushed back into the kitchen and placed a quick kiss on his Ma's cheek before grabbing the brown paper bag with a sandwich in it.</p><p>''Are you sure?'' he asked.</p><p>''Take it, take it,'' Ma told him and practically forced him to put the lunch in his bag. ''Now go or you'll be late.''</p><p>''Thank you, Ma,'' he said, rushing to the front door. He put his shoes on. ''I love you.''</p><p>''I love you too, dear. Be safe.''</p><p>''I will.''</p><p> </p><p>The bus ride back home felt both slow and terrifyingly fast at the same time. Slow, because Steve already wanted to be there, to find out what was going on with Bucky and if everything was alright, and fast because each moment brought him closer to figuring out what was wrong.</p><p>And something was wrong. Steve was sure of it. Bucky wasn't the type to be late from anywhere. Especially his visits to Brooklyn Heights.</p><p>The bus turned to a familiar road. One that they'd ran along many times as kids as it led right back home. The bus went by Mr. Bastard's house and his apple tree. Mr. Bastard had already died two years ago. They went by the rosebushes and the alley and then there it was. The backyard of their old house.</p><p>Steve grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder. It wouldn't be long now. Just a few seconds.</p><p>The bus came to halt right by the Barnes' house and Steve got off it after saying a quick thanks to the driver who didn't seem to be in a great mood. Were bus drivers ever in a good mood?</p><p>Steve crossed the road and walked along the dirt path to the house. The first thing he noticed was that the garden that had once been a beautiful place of relaxation was now nothing but an unkempt mess. It made sense though; if Bucky's mother had been sick for a while now, she wouldn't have had the strength to work on the garden.</p><p>Steve walked up to the front door and knocked on it once. He placed his ear against the door and heard nothing. He knocked again. And again and again and again, until he felt the door move a little.</p><p>It was unlocked and open.</p><p>Steve stared at the door for a while, not knowing what else to do. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened it, revealing nothing but a shell of a home. The entire house was empty with just a couple of pieces of furniture laying about haphazardly.</p><p>''Bucky?'' Steve asked as he stepped in. He walked to the other end of the house where Bucky and Becca's room had always been and still was but it was just as empty as every other part of the house. ''Bucky?!''</p><p>He ran around the place as fast as he could, checking the attic and the basement too, only to find nothing. He rushed out of the house, looking for any sign of where the Barnes family could have gone, and ran to their usual spot in the backyard of his and Ma's house, where he and Bucky had fished every single summer from the moment they'd built their first fishing rod.</p><p>The broken pieces of wood that were stood up against a sturdy tree were still there. That had once been their favorite hiding place when they'd still been small enough to fit in it but that had been years ago.</p><p>Everything was the same as it always had been and yet it wasn't. None of the things that had once been something important and exciting were no longer that. The hiding place was nothing but wood, the bridge they used to sit on as they fished was nothing but a place to cross the creek and the grass they'd used to play on was nothing but just that, grass. Dying grass.</p><p>Steve slumped himself on the ground, his bag falling right next to him. Out of the bag, he took the letter Bucky had written to him only a few days ago and read it again.</p><p>
  <em>From the moment that I was capable of explaining my feelings toward you, I've loved you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've loved you.</em>
</p><p>Steve read it again.</p><p>
  <em>I've loved you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>P a r t V.</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>M a</b> </em>
</p>
<hr/><p><em>O c t o b e r 1 4 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 3 6</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Grief tends to make people grow up fast.</em>
</p><p>That was what Ma had written to Steve in one of the many letters she had sent him after Bucky had disappeared and she had started working at the new ward. If feeling numb and like there was nothing to live for was what it was like to be a grown-up, Steve didn't want it.</p><p>Ever since the day he'd gone back to his old neighborhood looking for Bucky, he'd began going there at the end of every week, just to ask around and try to piece together what exactly had happened but it was as if the Barnes family had just disappeared into thin air. None of the neighbors had seen them moving out. One morning, they'd just been gone. Steve had tried reaching out to Becca, to Rick, even to Rick's father, who he knew still worked in a store near Coney Island, and yet, somehow, he'd managed to come back empty-handed each time.</p><p>It had only been last week when he'd decided to move the mattress out of the living room, that he'd found a bag of money beneath it. The brown paper bag had been filled with bills and even some coins, and on top of it, Bucky had stuck a note that said: For us and the future.</p><p>That hadn't made Steve feel better but at least it had let him know that Bucky hadn't planned to leave him. Something had happened, something sudden but it still didn't make any sense to Steve. If something had truly happened, why hadn't Bucky sent him a letter telling him about it instead of just disappearing?</p><p>There was no use in thinking about it anymore. Not this late at night anyway.</p><p>Steve rolled over to his side, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, even though he already knew he wouldn't find it.</p><p>It had been so long since he'd slept soundly.</p><p>The bed felt empty like he wasn't meant to be sleeping in it alone.</p><p>Steve couldn't help but scoff at his thoughts. Right now, there were a lot of things in life he hadn't meant to be doing alone. They were supposed to go and pick a new wallpaper for the living room, Steve had gone alone and ended up not buying anything. They were supposed to buy a house plant for the kitchen, Steve had ended up forgetting about it. They were supposed to bake a cake for Bucky's next birthday. Steve wasn't sure if he'd ever even see the man again.</p><p>''Stop it, you bastard,'' Steve told himself when he could feel the tears burning in his eyes again, in the same way, that they did every single night. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up in the dark room.</p><p>He put on a comfortable pair of pants and walked out into the living room. He didn't bother with turning the lights on. It was almost midnight and the silver-like reflection of light on the moon brightened up the small apartment just enough.</p><p>The sound of the doorbell made Steve's heart skip a beat. He stared at the door that he hadn't opened to anyone in a long time and hated himself for letting the sound give him hope.</p><p>
  <em>What if he had come back to him?</em>
</p><p>He rushed to the front door and swung it open violently, not caring that the loudness of it might disturb the neighbors.</p><p>Instead of <em>him</em>, there was a young woman staring up at him, wearing a coat around her that only barely hid the nurse uniform she was wearing underneath. She was shivering from the cold and the look in her eyes was nothing but sheer panic.</p><p>''Are you Steven?'' she asked, her voice soft. ''Steven Rogers?''</p><p>''I am,'' Steve whispered back automatically. ''W- What is… What's going on?''</p><p>''I'm sorry to have to tell you this,'' the woman started. ''But your mother is very sick. She didn't want me to tell you but she's gotten a lot worse tonight… She's been coughing up blood, Mr. Rogers. We don't know if… If she'll survive the night.''</p><p>This had to be a nightmare. It just had to be. His Ma was fine, she'd just sent him a letter last week. Her handwriting had been neat and stable and just as it had always been.</p><p>There was no way that she was sick, or dying.</p><p>''Mr. Rogers?''</p><p>''She caught it,'' Steve whispered to himself in realization. ''She has tuberculosis, doesn't she?''</p><p>''She does,'' the nurse said. ''You need to listen to me, okay? I'm not supposed to be here but Sarah's been talking about you non-stop and I couldn't… Oh, God. I couldn't let her die without seeing her son for the last time.''</p><p>''She didn't write to me this week...''</p><p>''She was doing good,'' the nurse replied, a hint of a smile visible on her lips. ''But we don't think she's strong enough to fight it anymore. She's been losing consciousness more frequently today and her fever's been spiking. And all that blood… It's not good, Mr. Rogers. Not good at all.''</p><p>Steve felt like his mind wasn't working. This was really happening and there was no one he could turn to, to figure it out together. It was all on him, he had to be the grown-up. He had to make the right choices.</p><p>''Take me to her,'' he said then. ''Please.''</p><p> </p><p>The hospital was dimly lit and eerily quiet when they stepped in. The nurse walked ahead of him, leading him around the hallways she'd walked many times before, to where they had taken Ma after she'd begun showing signs of the illness over a month ago.</p><p>''Here,'' the nurse whispered, walking even further down the hallway. ''She's in the last room over there. You can go in. I'll stay right here in case either of you need anything.''</p><p>''Thank you.''</p><p>The nurse offered him a comforting smile, one that Steve was sure she'd smiled to many people before him. ''It's going to be okay, Mr. Rogers.''</p><p>Steve wasn't too sure about that.</p><p>Pushing away all the anger he felt for his Ma for not telling him about the situation sooner and all the numbness he'd felt after what had happened with Bucky, he stepped into the room.</p><p>Ma looked small and fragile in the hospital bed where she laid covered in several blankets. She was pale and shivering in her sleep and it took all the power in Steve's body for him to not break down right then and there.</p><p>His Ma's eyes snapped open as if she had felt his presence in the room.</p><p>''Steven,'' she whispered, shaking her head and sounding disappointed. ''Why are you here?''</p><p>''You're dying, Ma,'' he blurted out, taking a step toward her.</p><p>''I told them to tell you… i- if it got bad but-,'' she replied, coughing weakly. ''But not to bring you here.''</p><p>''I'm glad they did, Ma,'' Steve said back.</p><p>''Cover your face, Steven,'' Ma ordered, placing the tissue she'd coughed in next to her on the bed. ''You could catch this.''</p><p>''I know. But I want to be here,'' Steve told her, sitting down on the chair next to her bed and bringing the collar of his shirt over his mouth and nose. ''That's my choice, Ma.''</p><p>His Ma stared at him with her tired eyes before slumping back down against her pillow.</p><p>''This isn't how this was supposed to end,'' she whispered.</p><p>Tears burned in Steve's eyes once again as he held out his hand for his Ma to take. ''I know, Ma. But I'll be here with you.''</p><p>''Are you sure?'' Ma asked, looking down at the hand Steve was offering her.</p><p>''Of course.''</p><p>A sigh of relief left Ma's body when she wrapped her cold hand around Steve's warmer one. She smiled brightly at him and for a split second, she looked almost back to her old self.</p><p>''I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner,'' she said. ''I really thought that I was going to be okay. I never would've thought...''</p><p>''I know that, Ma,'' Steve comforted, feeling oddly calm himself, all the anger inside of him ceasing to exist. ''All is forgiven.''</p><p>''Thank you, baby,'' Ma whispered to him.</p><p>Steve's eyes focused on the little speck of blood in the corner of Ma's mouth. ''Ma, you've got a little-''</p><p>''Don't touch it,'' she told him quickly. ''It's okay. You don't have to do anything else for me but to just sit there so that I can keep looking at you. You know, I was never sure if I even wanted to have children and then you came along... I never thought I would be capable of loving someone in such a way that I loved you from the moment I first saw you.''</p><p>A lone tear fell down Steve's cheek.</p><p>His Ma chuckled.</p><p>''What is it, Ma?'' Steve asked, trying to smile at her despite the overwhelming sadness he felt.</p><p>''Love,'' she laughed, looking deep into Steve's eyes that were just as blue as hers were. ''Do you remember when you were a little boy and you asked me how you knew if you loved someone?''</p><p>Steve chuckled but nodded, holding onto his Ma's hand a little tighter. ''Yeah, I remember.''</p><p>''I pretended to be really tired so that I didn't have to answer,'' Ma told him with a laugh. ''In reality, I just didn't know what to say but I think you deserve an answer.''</p><p>Steve shook his head. ''Ma, you need to rest, okay? Save your strength.''</p><p>''When you love someone, it happens fast and there's nothing you can do about it,'' Ma continued, despite what Steve had just said. ''You feel it in your head, your heart, even your stomach. It engulfs you, and you should let it as long as the one you love is a good person. There's no other feeling like it.''</p><p>''Ma...''</p><p>''Shh,'' she hushed him. ''You have to listen to me now, Steven. The universe doesn't care who you fall in love with. People might but the universe doesn't, it just happens and we can't control it.''</p><p>''I understand,'' Steve whispered back at her.</p><p>''I think you know what being in love feels like,'' Ma told him, smiling knowingly.</p><p>Steve smiled back. ''I do, Ma.''</p><p>Ma nodded, seeming a little tired now. ''You have to find <em>him</em>, Steven.''</p><p>''I know, Ma,'' Steve replied. ''And I will.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>O c t o b e r  2 6 t h, 1 9 3 6</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you everyone for reading! 💛💛</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go :) Sorry that I'm updating this a week later than I was originally supposed to. If you follow me on tumblr, you'll know what happened... Somebody had a little breakdown and had to take a break from everything (that's me) but that somebody is feeling a little better now (also me) so here I am, writing again.</p><p>Please comment, it keeps me going :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>  </b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>P a r t  V I. </b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>R e u n i o n</b> </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>S e p t e m b e r  13 t h, 1 9 4 3</em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The boots Bucky had been given to wear were a little too small and he and the several other men had already been walking for three days. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead as the ache in his head became worse, wrecking his brain more every time his heart gave a beat.</p><p>It was when the big squirrel, that had been following them for the past hour, appeared from the forest again and stopped right in the middle of the road, a grenade in its mouth, that Bucky knew that he was losing it.</p><p>He looked up, the brightness of the sun immediately attacking his tired eyes. He tried to focus on the treetops that he knew weren't supposed to be moving as it wasn't even windy today.</p><p>He heard someone say something but he didn't who that someone had been and if they'd been talking to him. Bucky tried to focus on his heavy steps, counting them quietly under his breath.</p><p>''<em>I think we've got enough,'' Steve said when Bucky jumped down the rest of the way.</em></p><p>
  <em>Bucky wiped his dirty hands against his pants. ''Yeah? How many?''</em>
</p><p>''<em>Eight.''</em></p><p>It was his right leg that gave up on him first and the pain of his left knee hitting the road was unimaginable. He rested his hands on the ground, trying to keep himself from falling but the world was swaying back and forth and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make it stop.</p><p>''Barnes!'' a voice yelled, right as Bucky's body gave up and he fell on his side.</p><p>''He's burning up, sir,'' another voice said.</p><p>Bucky blinked his eyes open as the two men who the voices belonged to, rolled him onto his back. He focused on the bright blue sky and the lone cloud that was shaped like an ice cream cone.</p><p>''Michaels, you're the strongest,'' the first voice continued. ''You carry him. Something's seriously wrong.''</p><p>''Yes, sir!''</p><p> </p><p>''Mr. Barnes? Mr. Barnes?'' a soft, sweet voice called out to him. Bucky groaned as he came to, his body feeling as heavy as ever. His head still ached but in a different way than before and all he wanted to do was to go back to sleep. ''Open your eyes for me, Mr. Barnes.''</p><p>Bucky let out a tired, annoyed sigh before doing as he was told. The blue sky and the ice cream cone-shaped cloud were long gone and replaced with an awfully dull brown color. He turned to look away, only to see a young woman sitting beside him.</p><p>''Becca?'' he found himself asking, voice coming out slurry as he tried to lift his head up to get a better look.</p><p>''Stay down or you're going to pass out again,'' the woman said, smiling, while she gently pushed him back against the bed. ''My name is Elizabeth, Mr. Barnes.''</p><p>Bucky shook his head carefully and blinked a few times to clear his vision. Suddenly the round face of his sister turned into a more oval-shaped one and her long brown hair turned into a more of an auburn color.</p><p>''I'm sorry,'' he whispered to Elizabeth. ''I must be so out of it.''</p><p>''That's alright,'' Elizabeth said to him as she placed a cool rag over his forehead.</p><p>''Was I...'' Bucky started as he looked around the tent, trying to figure out what exactly had happened. ''Was I shot?''</p><p>Elizabeth's eyes widened in surprise and she quickly consoled him, ''No, no. Nothing like that, Mr. Barnes.''</p><p>''Okay, good,'' Bucky replied with a little nod. ''Where am I?''</p><p>''The camp,'' Elizabeth told him. ''They carried you here the rest of the way.''</p><p>''Oh… Well, that's embarrassing,'' Bucky whispered before flashing Elizabeth a small smile. ''At least I didn't have to walk the rest of the way.''</p><p>''Tell me about it.'' Elizabeth gave him a small glare. ''The boots you were wearing were way too small for you. They created a blister on the top of your foot which eventually turned into a wound that got infected. You developed a fever and passed out.''</p><p>''Yeah, I believe you,'' Bucky whispered, his throat feeling dry. Her explanation made sense.</p><p>''Good,'' Elizabeth chuckled softly. ''There are a lot of people here who don't believe me. You men can be so stubborn sometimes.''</p><p>''Tell me about it,'' Bucky replied and smirked up at her.</p><p>''Now,'' Elizabeth began and shot Bucky a curious look. ''Tell me about this Becca you asked about just now. Is she your girlfriend?''</p><p>Bucky scrunched his nose in disgust while fighting to keep his eyes open. All of a sudden, he'd started to feel drowsy again. ''What? No! She's my sister.''</p><p>''I apologize,'' Elizabeth said with a laugh.</p><p>Bucky turned to look back at the brown fabric of the tent on top of him.</p><p>''She's probably married by now...''</p><p>A hand began running through his hair, careful not to move the rag on his forehead.</p><p>''Go to sleep, Mr. Barnes.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>S e p t e m b e r  14 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>''We didn't see anyone there, it was all clear,'' a muffled voice said. ''We came back about an hour ago, nothing special had been going on. We saved something to eat for the injured people so when they start waking up, make sure to distribute all that we got left to them.''</p><p>The voice sounded familiar to Bucky. It was somehow soft and strong at the same time and it sounded like it belonged to someone who knew what they were doing. A leader.</p><p>He listened for more, his tired brain no longer capable of hearing the individual words but only the tone of his voice and finally, realization hit, and his eyes flew open.</p><p>He sat up on the bed, ignoring the pain that he felt when he accidentally moved his injured foot.</p><p>''Steve?''</p><p>''Mr. Barnes!'' Elizabeth, who'd been asleep on the ground next to him, gasped and stood up, placing her hands on Bucky's shoulders and pushing him down. ''You need to be careful.''</p><p>Bucky's eyes were fixated on the little bit of light that was coming through the opening of the tent. The shadows of the two people speaking could be seen on the fabric of the tent.</p><p>''Are you feeling okay, Mr. Barnes?'' Elizabeth asked. ''You must be starving. I'm sure they'll bring you something to eat very soon.''</p><p>''I'm alright,'' Bucky whispered back. The confusion that the fever had caused was mostly gone by now. ''Who… Who is it that's talking outside the tent?''</p><p>Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at him but turned to look at the shadows visible on the side of the tent. She listened for a moment.</p><p>''That's Captain America,'' she then said, smiling that usual smile of hers. ''He comes around here every morning to check up on people who are ill or injured… Why do you ask?''</p><p>Bucky shook his head, laying back down against the flat pillow. ''…No reason.''</p><p>It had been a few years ago when Bucky had seen a Captain America poster for the first time. He'd been so drunk that night that the next morning, he'd had to go back to the alley where he'd seen it, just to make sure that he hadn't seen something that hadn't been real.</p><p>The face shape, the blond hair, those blue eyes. Bucky would have recognized them anywhere.</p><p>After that, he'd started asking around because none of it had made any sense.</p><p>Eventually, one night at the pub he'd often visited, he'd met up with someone who'd become famous for telling the story of the day he'd been there, in the same room, when a small, normal man had been turned into a Super Soldier.</p><p>To the dismay of the man who'd wanted to talk Bucky through all the science it had taken to make the serum in the first place, the first question Bucky had asked him had been the name of the man who'd taken part in the experiment.</p><p>The answer shouldn't have come as a surprise to Bucky.</p><p>Elizabeth placed her hand on Bucky's damp forehead, feeling for his temperature. After a moment, she smiled happily at him.</p><p>''Your fever is pretty much gone,'' she told him. ''Looks like the medicine we gave you last night helped. We might have you give you more later on but for now, you're okay and the wound on your foot is looking a lot better as well. I checked this morning when I changed the bandages.''</p><p>Bucky glanced down at his foot that was peeking from under the blanket.</p><p>''Good,'' he replied, not knowing what else to say.</p><p>''They brought you new boots late last night after you'd fallen asleep,'' Elizabeth continued, pointing at the shoes in the corner of the tent. ''If you'd like to get up and walk around a little, I'd be okay with that.''</p><p>''But?''</p><p>''But you'll only get to wear one boot,'' Elizabeth said with an apologetic smile. ''You have still got a long way to go until that foot of yours is fully healed. Later on today, I'll try to figure out a way for you to wear both boots without making your wound worse. I know you soldiers don't usually have the luxury of resting for several days at a time.''</p><p>''Thank you,'' Bucky said to her. ''For everything, really. You've taken</p><p>good care of me.''</p><p>''It's no problem, Mr. Barnes,'' she replied, smiling again. ''It's my job.''</p><p>''Please, call me James,'' Bucky said to her, smiling back. ''Mr. Barnes sounds so… old.''</p><p>''James...'' Elizabeth repeated after him. ''Yeah, that makes sense. You look like a James.''</p><p>Bucky chuckled at her politely. He had never felt like a James.</p><p>''So, James,'' Elizabeth began, taking out a stack of papers she'd had with her the whole time. ''I would have asked you last night but you were so confused and tired that I thought it'd be best to wait until today. Do you want us to inform of your injury to anyone back h-''</p><p>''No,'' Bucky told her quickly, sitting up again, this time a little slower. ''This is barely an injury.''</p><p>''Well, would you like to write a letter to someone?'' Elizabeth asked, setting down the papers. ''I carry around extra paper and stamps in case anyone needs them.''</p><p>''No, thank you, I-'' Bucky gulped. ''There's no one to send letters to.''</p><p>''Not even your sister?'' Elizabeth asked, sounding almost worried. She shook her head and offered Bucky a small smile. ''I'm sorry, that's none of my business. Just know that if you need paper or… anything, you can ask me.''</p><p>''I'll keep that in mind,'' Bucky replied, desperate to change the subject. ''How about that walk now?''</p><p>''Of course!'' Elizabeth grabbed one of the boots from the corner and knelt down in front of Bucky. ''Do you need help getting in the right position?''</p><p>''I've got it,'' Bucky said with a small groan and swung his legs over the side of the bed with a bit of a struggle. ''I can put it on myself, it's fine.''</p><p>''You'll hurt yourself,'' Elizabeth told him and helped him put the boot on. ''See? That wasn't so bad.''</p><p>''You know how to hurt a man's pride, Elizabeth,'' Bucky joked.</p><p>Elizabeth smirked at him. ''That sounds like a you problem. And you can call me Beth. Nobody calls me Elizabeth, except the doctors at the hospital I used to work at.''</p><p>''Have you uhh...'' Bucky started, not knowing if the question he was about to ask was an appropriate one to ask from someone who was practically a stranger. ''Have you always been a nurse?''</p><p>''Pretty much,'' Elizabeth replied. ''My grandma was a nurse. My mom stayed at home and took care of us, never had a chance to have a job but… she said that she loved being home with us. I just knew that… that wasn't for me, if that makes sense? I always knew that I wanted to help people, in one way or another.''</p><p>''You sound like someone I used to know,'' Bucky chuckled and held out his hand. ''Do you mind?''</p><p>Elizabeth took a hold of his hand and wrapped her other arm around his waist, helping him up. Bucky stood there for a moment, waiting for the dizziness to come but it never did.</p><p>''I think- I think I'm okay,'' he said gladly.</p><p>''I see that,'' Elizabeth said, letting go of his hand but still holding onto him otherwise. ''I think I'll stay by your side though, just to make sure.''</p><p>''Whatever you think is best, Beth,'' Bucky answered.</p><p>He looked down at his foot and immediately knew that he was going to have to use his heel to walk as it was the only place that didn't hurt. He pointed his toes up in the air and took a careful step.</p><p>It was awkward and uncomfortable but it would have to do until he was able to walk normally again.</p><p>Just as they were about to step out, Bucky stopped.</p><p>''Is something wrong?'' Elizabeth asked.</p><p>''Could you...'' God, this was going to sound weird. ''Could you check if St- Captain America is still there?''</p><p>''Of course,'' Elizabeth replied with a smile even though Bucky could see the confusion in her eyes. Once she was sure that Bucky stable, she let go of him and stepped out of the tent. It didn't take long for her to get back. ''No Captain America on sight. Come on now, James. Let's get you some breakfast.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>S e p t e m b e r  20 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The cold of the evening had created a thin layer of mist all over the pond that was located right next to the camp. The neutral grey of the sky and the reflection of it in the water made the world look almost unreal. From far away, the trees surrounding the pond looked deep green but when you got closer, you could see small hints of the upcoming fall appearing on the leaves.</p><p>A flock of birds had passed by the camp early that morning. There was no denying it. If time kept going by as fast it had been ever since America had entered the war, it would soon be winter again.</p><p>His body shivering from the cold, Bucky took a long drag of his cigarette, enjoying the familiar burn in his throat that he hadn't been allowed to feel all week long when Elizabeth had been in charge of getting him better.</p><p>He blew out the smoke and watched as it disappeared into the crisp air. With a chuckle, he threw away what was left of the cigarette and crushed it with his heel against the dry ground.</p><p>The pond was as still as it ever was. The unmoving surface looked how Bucky imagined silence looking like if one could see it. He often found himself missing silence. True silence. He had quickly learned that there was no room for it in the war.</p><p>The shouting and the singing of the drunken soldiers carried out all the way to the pond. Still not feeling like joining the celebration, Bucky slowly made his way back to the camp, the pain in his foot still forcing him to limp.</p><p>The glow coming from inside the tents that had lanterns on revealed another figure walking among the tents as well. Bucky stopped dead in his tracks, eyeing at the other soldier from the shadows.</p><p>When the light of a lantern illuminated the soldier's face, making his skin look almost golden, Bucky couldn't help but stare.</p><p>''Steve...'' Bucky whispered, his breath coming out white, almost alike to cigarette smoke.</p><p>He watched on as the Captain climbed into his tent after brushing all the dirt off of his shoes and the sense of yearning he felt toward the man made him do something that he'd sworn to himself he wouldn't do in any scenario.</p><p>He left his hiding spot and followed after the man, his mind screaming at him the whole time to stop and turn back.</p><p>Bucky kicked his foot against the tent pole, making himself known before he stepped right in, not bothering to wait for permission. He let out a small sigh of relief when he no longer was able to feel the cold wind in his bones and carefully looked up at the man he had followed. The Captain, as the others called him, was sitting in the corner of his bed by a lantern, fixated on the notebook in his lap.</p><p>When Bucky took a careful step forward, the man finally lifted his head and stared back at Bucky with his wide, blue eyes and for a moment, it felt as if nothing had changed. As if it hadn't been seven years. They both looked different but were still the same. At least as much as the war had allowed them to be.</p><p>The silence surrounding them was broken by the sound of the notebook and pen falling on the ground when Steve stood up in shock.</p><p>''Bucky,'' Steve breathed out.</p><p>''Good evening, Captain Rogers,'' Bucky replied, his voice coming out dry.</p><p>''<em>As difficult as it is going to be living here without her, it does make me feel better knowing that you'll be here with me.''</em></p><p>''<em>Always,'' Bucky promised and leaned in for a quick kiss. He grabbed his bag from the floor and swung it over his shoulder. ''I have to get going now. I'll see you next week. Wait for me?''</em></p><p>''<em>Always,'' Steve said right back at him and opened the door for him. The next time Bucky be coming home, he'd be opening that door with his own key. ''I love you.''</em></p><p>''<em>I love you too, Steve.''</em></p><p>''-Barnes? Sergeant Barnes!'' Bucky stumbled back in surprise as he got snapped out of the memory by the loudness of Steve's voice. Back in the day, he hadn't really been able to raise his voice in such a way because of all the issues with his lungs. ''Are you alright?''</p><p>Bucky smiled nervously at him. ''W- What?''</p><p>''Are you alright?'' Steve repeated.</p><p>''I'm fine,'' Bucky answered quickly, an embarrassing blush spreading across his cheeks.</p><p>After Steve spent a few more seconds staring at Bucky, he sat back down on the edge of his bed and eventually gestured for Bucky to join him.</p><p>Bucky moved nervously, walking around the notebook so that he wouldn't accidentally step on it and ruin whatever it was that Steve had been working on. He sat down on the low bed, keeping his eyes on the ground, not able to bring himself to look at the man sitting beside him.</p><p>''I thought that I would never get to see you again,'' Steve started carefully, the fingers in his right hand twitching nervously. ''But here we are.''</p><p>''Here we are,'' Bucky repeated quietly. There was a short pause. ''God, I've missed y-''</p><p>''What the hell happened back then?'' Steve's angry voice interrupted him and forced him to look up from his feet. ''And if you don't answer me honestly right now, Bucky Barnes, I swear to God I will never want to see you again.''</p><p>Bucky took a deep breath, looking away again, all the memories of that day flooding right back to him. He hated that Steve was capable of doing that to him after spending years trying to suppress and forget about them.</p><p>''I'd never lie to you, you know that,'' Bucky whispered to him.</p><p>''Do I?''</p><p>Bucky closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. ''What do you want to know?''</p><p>''We were supposed to move in together!'' Steve whispered, his intense gaze not once leaving Bucky. ''I went to your house to look for you. The house was empty as if no one had ever even lived there. I looked for you everywhere! The bridge, our hiding spot, the alley, Mr. Richardson's house. I asked around for years, trying to get a hint of where you could have gone and why and nobody knew. Where the hell did you and your family go and why didn't you tell me?''</p><p>Bucky cleared his throat. ''When I got back home that day, I found Becca crying in the garden. I tried to get her to tell me what had happened but she couldn't. I went inside the house and found my father sitting next to my mom on their bed. The doctor was sitting out in the kitchen and all he gave me was this look. Mom was sicker than we thought. She was in pain and the doctor had told them right before I'd arrived that it was likely that my mother wouldn't be strong enough to fight the sickness. My dad didn't believe him and promised Becca and me that mom would be okay. That night, when she fell asleep, her heart stopped. She never woke up again.''</p><p>Bucky glanced up at Steve. The anger had eased from his demeanor and the expression on his face had softened but he didn't say a word. Bucky took it as a sign to continue.</p><p>''My dad didn't want to stay in the house anymore and decided that we'd move away. Becca tried to stop him but he yelled at her and she left for Massachusetts that same day. I tried telling my dad that I didn't want to go, that I had to stay here but he didn't listen. He hit me and told me that I was all he got,'' Bucky said, fighting back the tears that were trying to escape his eyes. ''He packed my things and his own things, giving our furniture away to a neighbor who promised not to tell anyone that we'd left. We didn't even have a funeral for mom. We just left.''</p><p>''Where did you go?'' Steve asked, his voice coming out shaky as well.</p><p>''We moved across the country,'' Bucky replied. ''I was… I was in a bad place, Steve. I didn't talk to my dad or anyone for that matter. I didn't eat, I didn't go outside. My dad found a new job fairly quickly. It didn't pay much, barely enough to take care of us and one day, probably two months later, dad didn't come home from work. There had been an accident. They never told me the details other than that there was no way that he had survived.''</p><p>''Why didn't you tell me?'' Steve asked then, a tear falling down his cheek and Bucky had to fight everything in him not to reach out and wipe it away. ''All you had to do was to write me a letter.''</p><p>''I should have told you,'' Bucky replied, now staring deep into Steve's eyes. ''But back then, in my stupid, stupid mind, I thought that no matter what I would do, whether I told you or not, I would end up hurting you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you, Steve.''</p><p>''For all those years after you left, I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened to you,'' Steve spoke up, his voice sounding more stable now as he stared back at him. ''If you were okay… If you'd ever come back to me.''</p><p>''I always thought that one day,'' Bucky stifled a sob, silent tears making their way down his cheeks. ''I always thought that one day I'd be able to come back to you.''</p><p>His shoulders shook with the sobs that forced their way out of his body. Bucky brought his hand to his eyes, trying to wipe away the ridiculous, embarrassing tears from his face.</p><p>Bucky's breath hitched when Steve's hand settled on his cheek and he turned his face toward him.</p><p>''Why didn't you, Bucky?''</p><p>Bucky couldn't stop himself from pushing against Steve's touch, needing to prove to himself that the man was truly here and not just a dream or another fever-induced hallucination. He was so warm.</p><p>''There was no work,'' Bucky started slowly, trying to get himself to calm down. ''I couldn't get a job in any factory or store. Eventually, I ended up in this military camp type of thing. They gave me food to eat and a place to sleep as long as I kept working for them. I wasn't making any money so unless I would've walked across the country, there wasn't a way for me to get back to you.''</p><p>''You could have written to m-''</p><p>''How could I have?!'' Bucky yelled, immediately realizing his mistake and lowering his voice. ''I was embarrassed. I'd already thrown all of our plans out the window. I was sure that you hated me for leaving you. And it's clear that I was right. I shouldn't have come here...''</p><p>Bucky pulled away from Steve's touch and got up on his feet. Steve stood up as well and stepped in front of him, a stern look on his face.</p><p>''You're not going anywhere.''</p><p>''Steve, I-''</p><p>Before Bucky could finish his sentence, he found himself pressed against a muscular chest, strong arms wrapping around his body. Bucky stood there in shock, his arms slowly finding their way around the taller man's waist.</p><p>''I'm so sorry,'' he sobbed against Steve's jacket, burying his face into the fabric. ''I'm so sorry, Stevie, I should've fought back. I should have stayed with you. I wasted so much time-''</p><p>''Shh,'' Steve hushed him, hugging him even tighter as if he was afraid Bucky would disappear. ''Take a deep breath, Buck.''</p><p>Buck. <em>Buck</em>. The nickname only made Bucky cry harder.</p><p>''I always thought that you'd forget about me,'' Bucky sniffled. ''That you'd give up on me.''</p><p>Steve's breath hitched much in the same way Bucky's had done before. He pulled away slightly, cupping Bucky's face in his hands.</p><p>''I promised my Ma that I'd find you,'' Steve whispered, his eyelashes gently touching his cheekbones as he blinked. ''I told myself I would never move on. Not until I found you and made sure you were okay. You always took care of me. It was my turn.''</p><p>''I thought about you every single day,'' Bucky whispered to him, more tears rolling down his cheeks. ''What can I do to make you forgive me? I'm not asking you to love me or to even like me. We don't have to be anything but strangers if that's what you want but I need to know that you've forgiven me.''</p><p>''There's no need for forgiveness nor an apology,'' Steve told him, shaking his head. ''How could I have you here with me and not love you, Bucky Barnes?''</p><p>''Easily,'' Bucky answered, shyly looking up at the man. ''After all I've done-''</p><p>''Easily?'' Steve huffed out a small laugh that was laced with pain. ''How could I ever…? You're everything to me.''</p><p>Bucky looked down at their feet, his hands still clutching onto Steve's jacket, not wanting to let go. It felt odd and vulnerable to have the other man stand taller than him and have him look down at him when before it had always been the other way around.</p><p>Then again, a lot had changed in the past seven years.</p><p>''You're everything to me,'' Bucky said back to him and pushed his face back against Steve's chest. The strong arms wrapped around him again, this time in a more gentle way. ''You're all that I've got left.''</p><p>''Bucky,'' Steve said, pausing all movement. ''I tried reaching out to Becca after you left. What happened to her?''</p><p>''I don't know,'' Bucky replied, ashamed. ''After she went to Massachusetts, I never heard from her again. My dad didn't let me write letters to her or even call her even when I had the chance. I don't know if she ever got married or if she graduated or-''</p><p>''Okay, okay,'' Steve soothed, rubbing his hand up and down Bucky's back. ''I'm sorry all that happened to you, Bucky.''</p><p>''What happened to you?'' Bucky asked, closing his eyes to enjoy the embrace for a few more seconds before he pulled away, feeling his arms getting tired. ''After I left, I mean. I know the whole… Captain America story.''</p><p>Steve looked down at his body and Bucky swore that he saw a little bit of a pink hue rising on the man's cheeks. ''Oh, that… I didn't… I didn't even realize that you haven't seen me like this before.''</p><p>Bucky chuckled.</p><p>''After you left I uhh...'' Steve started awkwardly. ''I continued living in our apartment. I found the money you'd left behind and in between my little missions of trying to find you, I tried to do all the things that we'd planned on doing together. I never got around to buying a house plant though.''</p><p>Bucky shook his head, wiping away his tears as he laughed again.</p><p>''It wasn't long after that, that Ma...'' Steve turned serious again. ''You remember how she went to work in the tuberculosis ward?''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky replied. Steve looked away, tears shining in his eyes again. ''No. Don't tell me that-''</p><p>''She caught it,'' Steve continued, affirming Bucky's fear. ''She couldn't fight it. A nurse came to get me one night, told me the seriousness of the situation. I was with my Ma when she died.''</p><p>''I should have never left you,'' Bucky swallowed down his tears once again. ''I was supposed to take care of you! I promised your mother that I would- God, I really fucked it all up, didn't I?!''</p><p>''Bucky, shh,'' Steve hushed him again. He placed a comforting hand on Bucky's shoulder. ''We were both still so young, we didn't know any better. Everything is… okay now, Buck. Was I upset after you left? Yes, and that's probably the understatement of the year. Did I wish that you were there with me? That we could have enjoyed our lives together the way we had planned? Yes, of course. But I get it now. I really do. I don't think there's any use in worrying about everything that happened in the past, even though there's still a lot that we have to talk about. We're here now, Bucky.''</p><p>''Back then,'' Bucky started, sniffling his tears away. ''My only wish was that I'd get to see you again. That I'd get a second chance. Do I, Steve?''</p><p>Steve looked down at him, years of yearning in his eyes. ''Yes, you do, Bucky. We do.''</p><p>''Thank you,'' Bucky whispered. ''Thank you, Steve.''</p><p>''Bucky,'' Steve started gently, a small smile appearing on his face. ''Would you like to go on a walk with me?''</p><p>Bucky blinked away the last of his tears and gave Steve a small smirk. ''On a walk? Why? Are you not interested in joining the others? There's alcohol and girls… Nurses and such.''</p><p>Steve shook his head. ''Not really feeling like it. Something better came up.''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Bucky hummed, his grin only growing. ''The guys from my regiment have been so damn tense for the past several weeks that they've been starting to piss me off. But I doubt their bad mood is anything that can't be fixed with a night of drinking and girls.''</p><p>Steve laughed. ''Maybe so.''</p><p>''Have you… been tense?'' Bucky blurted out, his cheeks heating up again. This moment felt the same as the first time Bucky had told Steve that he loved him except right now he wasn't drunk, even though he sort of wished that he was. It would have made this rollercoaster of a conversation a little easier to handle.</p><p>''Once in a while, I guess,'' Steve mumbled with a shrug, sounding embarrassed as well.</p><p>''Mmh...'' Bucky hummed again, not knowing what to say next. Why had he even asked such a stupid question in the first place?</p><p>Thankfully, it was Steve who broke the silence first. ''I still can't believe you're here. I've missed you so much.''</p><p>Before Bucky could even open his mouth to reply, he found himself being squished against that sturdy chest once again as Steve wrapped his arms back around him.</p><p>''I've missed you too,'' he said, allowing himself to rest against Steve's chest. He couldn't ignore the pure muscle of the body that was now pressing against him. He chuckled. ''You've definitely grown up to be a handsome young man... Not that you weren't handsome before, you were. What I mean is-''</p><p>Steve pulled away so that he could look down at Bucky. ''I know what you mean and I think the serum might have had something to do with the growing up part but thank you. How about that walk now?''</p><p>If it had been up to Bucky, he would have stayed in Steve's arms for an eternity. ''Sure. I guess we have a lot to catch up on.''</p><p> </p><p>The sky had turned from grey to black and the clouds had moved out of the way to show the moon and the stars. Of course, that also meant that it was even colder outside and for the first time since losing his gloves, Bucky cursed at himself for doing so. There was nothing else that he could do but to keep his hands in his pockets to keep them at least a little warm.</p><p>The pond still looked like silence and the sounds of the drunken soldiers were starting to quiet down. Bucky breathed in the fresh air, feeling the burn of it in his lungs. Steve stood by his side, his eyes never leaving him for more than a second.</p><p>Now that they'd talked everything through, they both felt a lot lighter.</p><p>''When do you think this will all be over?'' Bucky asked. When Steve didn't seem to understand what he meant, Bucky waved his hand toward the camp. ''The war, all of this… Do you think it'll be ending anytime soon?''</p><p>''I hope so,'' Steve replied. ''Hard to tell. Anything could happen.''</p><p>''Haven't you thought about it? What you're going to do after the war?'' Bucky asked, looking Steve up and down. ''Or does the government get to choose for you because of the whole... Captain America, Super Soldier thing?''</p><p>''They can try,'' Steve said with a laugh but the look in his eyes showed the smallest hint of uncertainty. ''But I'll do whatever I want. I guess I just have to hope that the apartment building is still there. I'd like to live there again. Maybe do something with art. Other than that, I haven't really thought about it. How about you, Buck?''</p><p>''I'd like to visit the Grand Canyon,'' Bucky said and chuckled at the unimpressed look on Steve's face. ''Hey, it's something! I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since Coney Island. Ugh, I guess I haven't really thought about it either. To be fair, until tonight, I didn't have much to live for.''</p><p>''Don't say that, Bucky,'' Steve told him, even though he felt the same way. He smiled. ''Maybe we should go to Grand Canyon together.''</p><p>''Yeah? I guess it'd be nicer than going alone,'' Bucky teased and rested his hand on Steve's arm. ''Seriously, I would love it if you came with me.''</p><p>''Me too,'' Steve whispered, turning away from the pond so that he was facing Bucky. ''You really do look just as good as you did back then...''</p><p>Bucky let out an embarrassed laugh. ''Well, I sure hope that I've changed slightly from when I was nineteen years old.''</p><p>Steve nodded, moving even closer. ''You have.''</p><p>Bucky's heart began to beat faster. He couldn't stop himself from staring at Steve's lips, which were no longer so dry as he'd licked them only a moment before, leaving them shiny in the moonlight.</p><p>''Steve, we-''</p><p>''Can I, Buck?'' Steve asked carefully.</p><p>''Y- Yeah.''</p><p>And then there was silence. Exactly what Bucky had been needing for a long time now. Steve's hands were over his ears as he held Bucky there in front of him and licked his lips once again. With a quiet thud, that Bucky felt more than he heard, Steve leaned his forehead against his and softly brushed their lips together.</p><p>Bucky's hands found their way to Steve's waist so that he could pull him even closer. His eyes fluttered shut as he opened his mouth and desperately pushed against Steve's lips, taking back all the years that they had lost.</p><p>Cold air came between them when Steve pulled away, his hands dropping down to Bucky's shoulders.</p><p>''A- As much as I would like to stay… I really need to go and get some sleep. Have to be up early tomorrow morning to send a report,'' Steve whispered to him, his voice so faint that it seemed like the kiss had taken away all of his strength. ''Good night, Buck.''</p><p>''Good night, Stevie,'' Bucky whispered back, already missing the feeling of Steve's hands on his body. He watched as the man walked away from him, noticing a small pep in his step, and smiled to himself, feeling truly happy for the first time in a long, long time.</p><p>There was still a lot that they needed to work through but today had been a good start.</p><p>When Steve disappeared into the darkness, Bucky turned to face the pond again. On the ground, he saw an unfinished cigarette that was perfect for a quick nighttime smoke. He took it in his hand, lit it up, and took a long drag out of it.</p><p>Once he was done with it, which didn't take long at all, he held it up against the sky and pretended that the last bit of fire on it was a star among the many others. Then, he threw it with a curve and watched it fly like a shooting star before hitting the surface of the pond and drowning in the blue darkness as if it had never existed at all.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>S e p t e m b e r  2 9 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Bucky had always had good eyesight but right now, at this moment, he wasn't sure if his eyes were playing a trick on him or if what he thought he was seeing was just hopeful thinking.</p><p>He'd been sitting on the ground for three hours now, watching over as the other soldiers slept in their tents.</p><p>He could barely move his fingers anymore because of the cold but that didn't matter. Right now the sniper that had attacked them two days ago, forcing them to move out of their original campsite to a place further away from the pond, was at the end of his life.</p><p>Bucky blinked quickly, clearing his vision once again. He couldn't help but grin when he realized that the little flicker he was seeing wasn't just a creation of his imagination but the moonlight reflecting from the other sniper's scope.</p><p>''Amateur,'' Bucky whispered and pulled the trigger. Just like that, the flicker was gone.</p><p>Taking precautions, in case he had somehow managed to miss, Bucky crawled his way down the hill until he was sure that he was safe.</p><p>It didn't come as a surprise to find Steve waiting for him by the tent but it did disappoint him.</p><p>''What the hell do you think you're doing? I told everyone except the guy whose job it is to go and check out the dead body of that son of a bitch, to stay in their tents. We got two soldiers killed yesterday because we weren't being careful enough. You could've been fucking shot!'' Bucky told him, pushing Steve back into the tent. ''You really are just as stupid as you were back in the day, always looking for a way to get yourself killed. The serum definitely didn't affect your intellect. God damn it, Rogers.''</p><p>Steve waited patiently for Bucky to finish his little rant before wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him down for a heated kiss that screamed yearning, worry, and relief.</p><p>''You-'' Bucky started, only to get interrupted by another kiss. ''You really think you can get away with anything by kissing me, don't you?''</p><p>''Is it working?'' Steve asked, smiling down at him.</p><p>Bucky shrugged. ''Maybe. You do have fantastic lips, darling.''</p><p>''Right back at you, sweetheart.''</p><p>Just as Steve was about to bring their lips together again, a yell came from outside, calling out to Bucky. They both jumped away from each other as if they'd been burned and straightened out their clothes to make sure that there was no hint left of what they'd been doing only a second ago.</p><p>''Come in!'' Bucky yelled, and a young-looking soldier stepped in.</p><p>''The man's dead. You got him right in the head,'' the soldier announced, looking a little pale as he pulled some kind of an identification card from his pocket and showed it to them. ''I found this on him. It says that his name was Otto Heinrich Köhler. I took his gun as well. There was nothing else on him.''</p><p>Bucky took a good look at the card and nodded. ''Good job. We'll keep the gun but you can take the card back and put it wherever you found it. Not that I give a shit about that bastard but his family deserves to know that he has died.''</p><p>''Yes, Sergeant Barnes.'' And with that, the soldier exited the tent, leaving them alone again.</p><p>Steve tried to stifle his laughter by holding his hand in front of his mouth and shot Bucky a look that reminded him of all the mischief they had gotten into when they had been younger.</p><p>''That was close.''</p><p>''You don't say.'' Bucky grinned at him and sat down on Steve's bed to properly stretch out his legs. Feeling his hands starting to warm up and hence, tingle, he looked down at them, only to notice that they were almost as white as snow and curled up in odd positions almost as if he was still holding a gun.</p><p>Steve knelt down in front of him and took his hands in his, noticing the change in his skin color as well. ''Shit, Bucky. You must be freezing. How long exactly were you out there? I lost track of time.''</p><p>''Three hours or something. My hands kind of hurt,'' Bucky told him, kicking his wet shoes off when he realized his feet felt the same way his hands did. ''I wish we had warm water.''</p><p>''Poor thing,'' Steve whispered to him. He grabbed the wool blanket from the end of his bed and wrapped it around Bucky's shoulders before pulling him into his arms. ''You should have let someone else take over, Buck.''</p><p>''There's no one better than me here,'' Bucky whispered, holding his frozen fingers against Steve's stomach, trying to warm them up as well as he could.</p><p>Steve huffed out a laugh. ''Mmh, that is true.''</p><p>''Y- You know if someone walked in on us right now-''</p><p>''They would think that I'm just a soldier trying to help another soldier warm up,'' Steve said before Bucky could even finish his sentence. ''If you've never had to cuddle with other soldiers for warmth, can you even say you've been in the war?''</p><p>Bucky laughed softly against Steve's shoulder. ''Hey, I've been in my fair share of puppy piles, Captain.''</p><p>''Whatever you say, Buck.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>S e p t e m b e r  3 0 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The meetings in the forest after everyone had gone to sleep had quickly become a routine for them. Bucky had even cut down on the number of cigarettes he was smoking, mostly because he was quickly running out of them and it was going to be a while until he'd be able to buy some more, but saving the amount of time that it would take to smoke several times a day and spending it with Steve instead might have had a little something to do with it as well.</p><p>War wasn't routine and they were both very much aware that either of them could be swept away at any moment, whether that would be by an order or by a bullet. It wasn't something that Bucky liked to waste his time thinking about.</p><p>''I can hear that brain of yours working,'' Steve said, poking him gently on the forehead. ''Is everything alright?''</p><p>''Of course,'' Bucky smiled at him, leaning against the tree behind him and looking over the pond. The reflection of the moon in the water reminded him of a tale that his mother had told him and Becca when they had been little. ''I was just thinking about… Well, you and the war.''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Steve hummed, leaning closer to him. ''Do you need me to take your mind off of it? I heard from this very handsome young fella that I happen to be a good kisser.''</p><p>Bucky laughed and playfully pushed him away. ''You're such a jerk.''</p><p>''Likewise,'' Steve replied, taking a step closer again. His fingertips grazed against Bucky's arm as he looked down at him with a soft, slightly worried, expression. ''Now tell me what you were really thinking about.''</p><p>After placing his hands against Steve's chest and looking up at him, Bucky sighed. ''You know that I don't lie to you, Stevie. I was thinking about you and the war, and about all time we've somehow managed to spend together in these past few days. I'm just starting to get sick of having to be careful all the time. Yesterday we got scared by a damn squirrel.''</p><p>Steve chuckled. ''Yes, it's a bit tiring. But better than nothing, right?''</p><p>''Right,'' Bucky agreed. ''I just wish that we had a place where we could have some peace and quiet, some time alone, without having to fear about someone finding out about us. There is a lot more that I'd like to be doing with you than just kissing.''</p><p>''You shouldn't talk like that, sweetheart, or I might just have to have my way with you right here, right now,'' Steve growled, stealing a quick kiss from him and placing his hands on his hips.</p><p>''Hmm, I like the sound of that...'' Bucky whispered, leaning against Steve's touch. ''But we can't.''</p><p>''I know, I know,'' Steve let out a deep, frustrated sigh, and moved so that he could lean against the tree as well. ''How about I'll figure something out for tomorrow night? A place to go and stay at all by ourselves with no fear of getting caught by anyone.''</p><p>Bucky glanced at him with a curious look. ''You think you could do that?''</p><p>Steve nodded.</p><p>''You promise?''</p><p>''I promise.''</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><em>O c t o b e r  2 n d,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was already past midnight and since the moon and the stars had been covered by thick clouds, the whole forest was nothing but darkness. There would have been no way to tell where they were going if it hadn't been for Steve's flashlight.</p><p>Holding tightly onto Steve's hand, Bucky allowed himself to be lead deeper and deeper into the forest. Sticks and rocks were crackling beneath their feet and the further away they got from the camp, the more unsure Bucky became of Steve's plan.</p><p>''You're really not going to tell me where exactly this hide-out of yours is?'' Bucky asked quietly, not wanting to bother whatever animals there were hiding in the forest. The last thing he needed right now was having to shoot down a bear.</p><p>''It wouldn't be much of a surprise then, would it?'' Steve asked, gently squeezing Bucky's hand. ''Only a little longer. We're almost there.''</p><p>Bucky nodded and took a deep breath to calm himself down. He'd been in this forest before. Hell, he'd been in plenty of forests before. Of course, then he'd been surrounded by a lot of soldiers and his mind had been occupied with trying to come up with ideas on how to not get killed when other people were shooting at you. Monsters that only existed in his mind, or even wild animals, had been the least of his concerns.</p><p>Bucky almost fell over when he felt dirt beneath his feet. He tried looking around in the dark. ''Are we there yet?''</p><p>''A few more steps,'' Steve told him and Bucky could hear the smile in his voice. They walked along the dirt path a little longer until it turned so narrow that it barely existed. ''And there! Can you see it?''</p><p>Bucky squinted as he looked over to where Steve was pointing the flashlight and let out a surprised gasp when he saw that there was a small building in front of them. ''What is that?''</p><p>''It's an observation tower. One that's not in use right now and won't be for a while,'' Steve explained, already dragging him to the stairs of the wooden construction. ''I know that it's nowhere near perfect but it's som-''</p><p>''Shut up. It's perfect,'' Bucky told him, taking the flashlight from Steve's hand and leading him in the rest of the way.</p><p>It was obvious that it hadn't been used in a long time as it was almost as cold inside it as it was outside. The walls did shelter them from the wind though and that already was a big relief.</p><p>''Is there some kind of a light here or?'' Bucky asked, pointing the flashlight all over the place.</p><p>''There's definitely no electricity but when I came down here yesterday, there was an old oil lamp somewhere in the corner,'' Steve replied, walking around the small room by holding on to the wall with his hands.</p><p>''You bring other fellas here often?'' Bucky asked.</p><p>''Haha,'' Steve said dryly and cursed slightly when his foot hit something. ''I think I found the lamp, and for your information, I've only been here once before because I wanted to make sure that it was safe for me to bring you here.''</p><p>''Ugh, you're so sweet,'' Bucky said and walked over to him. ''Can you get the lamp working?''</p><p>''Of course, I can. Just give me some light. I can't see in the dark,'' Steve replied and then chuckled. ''I'm not that kind of a superhuman.''</p><p>Ignoring Steve's little joke, Bucky pointed the flashlight at the lamp before speaking up again, ''You know, sometimes I forget that you're a Super Soldier and not just… a normal one like the rest of us. I don't know how I could forget such a thing. You used to be so small.''</p><p>''And yet you already fell for me back then.''</p><p>''Why wouldn't I have?'' Bucky asked, shaking his head at the man.</p><p>''There we go!'' Steve exclaimed as the lamp lit up the tower, ignoring Bucky in return. The light was dim but better than darkness. ''Now we have the whole night to ourselves.''</p><p>Bucky turned off the flashlight. He placed it gently on the floor and watched it roll away from him. With the way that Steve was looking at him now, his heart began to beat a little faster and his breathing became heavier.</p><p>Steve grabbed his bag and placed it on the floor, taking out the blanket he'd packed with him. He spread it on the wooden floor and kicked off his shoes before sitting down on it.</p><p>''Come here,'' Steve told him.</p><p>Bucky kicked his own shoes off and sat down next to him. He could feel the roughness of the blanket through his socks as he scooted closer to Steve. He leaned his forehead against his and smiled softly at him.</p><p>''Can I?'' he asked.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve breathed.</p><p>Steve helped Bucky slide his jacket off and threw it where their shoes were. Bucky shivered slightly, not sure if it was from the cold or the anticipation. He pushed his lips against Steve's, letting out a small moan when Steve nibbled on his lower lip.</p><p>Their bodies rocked against one another, making them both moan, and Bucky couldn't help but smile into the kiss when he remembered that they didn't have to worry about anyone hearing or seeing them. They could be as loud or as quiet as they wanted to be.</p><p>Gasping for air, Steve broke away from the kiss and got rid of his off his own jacket, untucking his shirt from his trousers in the process.</p><p>''Take it off,'' Bucky rasped, pulling Steve's shirt upward with his right hand.</p><p>In one smooth motion, Steve did as he was told, revealing the top half of his Super Soldier body that made Bucky forget how to breathe properly. He'd loved the man's body when it had been thinner, sometimes even sickly, and he loved it now that it was so different but still Steve.</p><p>''You're gorgeous,'' Bucky gasped out, shamelessly running his hand up and down Steve's stomach, feeling each muscle beneath his fingertips. The cold air slowly made his nipples harden and turn even pinker than they already were and Bucky almost moaned at the sight of them. ''Absolutely perfect. Just like always.''</p><p>''You're the gorgeous one.'' Steve grabbed the hem of Bucky's shirt and helped him pass it over his head. His hands ran over his collarbones, then his chest, and finally, his waist, taking it all in. ''God, look at you, Buck.''</p><p>Feeling more sure of himself after Steve's praise, Bucky placed his hand over Steve's crotch and rubbed the slowly growing hardness there.</p><p>Steve wrapped his hand carefully around Bucky's wrist. ''Bucky. Have you… before?''</p><p>''I...'' Bucky started awkwardly, not moving his hand anywhere. ''With a few girls before the war. One guy at the beginning of the war. Those times didn't mean anything though. I didn't have any feelings toward them.''</p><p>''And you have feelings for me?'' Steve asked, smiling softly.</p><p>''Obviously. I don't tell just anyone that I love them,'' Bucky whispered back. ''I never stopped loving you, Steve. I need you to know that.''</p><p>''I believe you,'' Steve told him, brushing his nose against Bucky's. ''I love you too.''</p><p>Bucky smiled at him before turning more serious again. ''Steve, have you uhh… Have you ever?''</p><p>''Other than the fooling around we did when we first got together?'' Steve replied, looking down at their joined hands. ''No. Not really.''</p><p>''No one?'' Bucky repeated, surprised.</p><p>''No one,'' Steve confirmed, a blush rising on his cheeks. Adorable. ''Evetime an opportunity came up, I couldn't get myself to go all the way. You… It's stupid.''</p><p>''What?'' Bucky asked softly, wanting the man to continue.</p><p>''You were always on my mind, even in those moments,'' Steve told him. ''I have never wanted anyone the way I want you.''</p><p>Bucky sighed. ''I'm sorry that I-''</p><p>''No,'' Steve said, cupping Bucky's face in his hand. ''That's not what I meant, Buck.''</p><p>''The times that I… did it with other people,'' Bucky explained, feeling like he was an awkward teenager again. ''I was just trying to feel something. Anything other than… pain.''</p><p>''You were allowed to… move on, so to speak,'' Steve told him. ''You don't have to explain yourself to me. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. I will always want you, Bucky.''</p><p>''Then have me,'' Bucky whispered. ''I'm yours. Always have been.''</p><p>''And I'm yours,'' Steve whispered back, pressing a kiss on Bucky's swollen lips. ''I'll take care of you tonight, I will take my time and I'll make you forget everything that has ever hurt you.''</p><p>''Please,'' Bucky whined desperately, pulling him into a kiss. He held onto the waistband of Steve's trousers and started pulling them down alongside his underwear. Steve moved his hips and legs, helping him to get them off. ''Are you cold?''</p><p>''I'm okay,'' Steve replied, although he hissed at the feeling of the cool air hitting his naked body. ''God, Bucky...''</p><p>Bucky undressed fast, not taking his eyes off of Steve for even a moment. He threw his clothes in the pile that they had created and gently wrapped his hand around Steve's hardness, forcing a wounded yelp out of him.</p><p>''Oh, that's good, sweetheart,'' Steve rasped out when Bucky started moving his hand. ''So good.''</p><p>Bucky hummed quietly, mesmerized by Steve's reaction to his touch. There were some things that no serum or even time could change. Steve was still just as good at rambling as he'd been back in the day.</p><p>''I- If you keep doing that, this will be over way too soon,'' Steve chuckled, brushing Bucky's hand away. ''Lay down, Buck. Let me make you feel good.''</p><p>Bucky stretched himself out on the blanket and watched curiously as Steve took something out of the pocket of his jacket before laying down next to him. He snuggled his face against Bucky's neck, placing small kisses and nibbles there.</p><p>''Darling,'' Bucky gasped out, wrapping his hand lazily around himself. ''What have you got there?''</p><p>Steve showed Bucky a tin of Vaseline and a small cardboard package. ''They were handing out rubbers last month so I grabbed a few packages 'cause I'd heard of people using them for all kinds of other things than the obvious. And the vaseline… I may or may not have borrowed from one of the medical tents.''</p><p>''I see. Let's hope Beth doesn't notice that it's gone,'' Bucky said with a small chuckle. He winked at Steve and nodded toward the Vaseline. ''Get on it, Captain.''</p><p>Steve pushed himself against Bucky, resting some of his weight on top of him before pulling him into a loving, deep kiss. The coldness around them began to slowly disappear as they rubbed against each other desperately.</p><p>''Yes!'' Bucky hissed, feeling Steve's hand running down his stomach and then in between his thighs. ''Oh, please, please...''</p><p>''Shh, Buck,'' Steve cooed, working open the tin of Vaseline before dipping his fingers in it. ''You take it easy now and try to stay relaxed, okay? We've got all the time we need.''</p><p>Bucky nodded at him and relaxed his muscles, which he hadn't even noticed tensing up at Steve's touch.</p><p>Steve pushed his finger forward, prodding at his hole until it relaxed the smallest amount. He waited until Bucky gave him another nod as a sign to keep going and started moving slowly, going deeper with each thrust.</p><p>Bucky placed his hand on the back of Steve's neck and pulled him down to meet his lips. Their teeth knocked against each other, making both of them laugh breathlessly. Steve's free hand came up to Bucky's jaw, cupping it gently as they tried again, this time their lips practically melting together.</p><p>His back arching in pleasure, Bucky grasped at the hairs at the back of Steve's neck and moaned when Steve added another finger, stretching him out and touching a particularly sensitive spot inside of him.</p><p>''There you go,'' Steve crooned, placing kisses all over Bucky's face, even his closed eyelids. ''That feel good, sweetheart?''</p><p>''Y- Yes!'' Bucky managed to gasp out and pushed against Steve's fingers, needing more. More of everything, anything that Steve could give him. He cried out at the feeling of Steve adding one more finger. ''Oh yeah, please. Fuck!''</p><p>''Language, Bucky,'' Steve chuckled, breathing hard as he wrapped his free hand around his own erection. ''Do you- Do you feel like you're ready or…?''</p><p>Bucky smiled at him deliriously. ''I'm good. I feel good, so just please-''</p><p>''Okay, okay,'' Steve mumbled, finding the small cardboard package again. He started to take one of the three rubbers out but Bucky placed his hand on his wrist, stopping him. ''What is it?''</p><p>''Do you we really need that? I mean, it's not like I've got the clap or anything.''</p><p>''I didn't think you did,'' Steve told him, sounding amused. ''I can't catch anything and hence can't give you anything. I just wanted you to feel safe.''</p><p>''There's no place in the world that I'd feel safer than right here with you, right now,'' Bucky whispered to him, pushing himself up on his elbows. ''So don't wear one. I want to feel you. All of you.''</p><p>''Okay. Yeah, okay,'' Steve threw the package off to the side and pumped his fingers in and out one more time before carefully pulling them out completely, making Bucky whimper. ''Sorry, sorry. Just a moment, Buck.''</p><p>Bucky nodded at him, falling down on his back again. He pulled Steve down by his shoulders, forcing him on top of him. He spread his legs wider, feeling the hardness between the other man's legs resting heavily against his own.</p><p>They stared into each other's eyes, sharing a kiss or two while Steve dipped his fingers into the Vaseline once more and stroked the softened jelly all over his member. He guided himself against Bucky's hole and gasped out at the feeling of the muscles there relaxing and letting him in.</p><p>A loud moan escaped Bucky's throat, echoing through the room and most likely the entire forest around them. He held onto Steve's shoulders so tight that blood almost stopping flowing into his fingers and his eyes got wet with tears.</p><p>''A-Are you alright?'' Steve asked him gently as if the volume of his voice could hurt him. He brushed Bucky's hair out of his face and tugged it behind his ear. ''Buck? Hey, is it too much? We can stop...''</p><p>''No, no,'' Bucky replied quickly, wrapping his arms around Steve's neck and pulling him even closer to him. ''J- Just give me a moment, darling. I'll be alright.''</p><p>''You sure?'' Steve asked, his breath hot against Bucky's face.</p><p>Bucky nodded and brought one of his hands down, rubbing himself slightly to get his body to relax again. He smiled reassuringly at Steve, hating the worried expression on his face.</p><p>Slowly the sting began to disappear and turned into a mix of pleasure and mildly uncomfortable pressure.</p><p>''You can keep going now. It feels nice.''</p><p>Steve pressed one more kiss against Bucky's lips, wanting to distract him from the possible discomfort he might feel as he pushed in deeper again. Instead, Bucky moaned against him and wrapped his legs tightly around Steve's waist, the pleasure he was feeling turning more and more intense.</p><p>''Keep going,'' Bucky rasped out, feeling Steve hesitate against him.</p><p>''I don't want to hurt you,'' Steve whispered, his voice shaking.</p><p>Bucky sighed softly, brushing his thumb across Steve's cheek. ''You could never hurt me.''</p><p>With another shared kiss, Steve grabbed Bucky's hand away from his face and held onto it tightly as he moved his hips forward, pushing in the rest of the way.</p><p>The sound that came out from between his lips was somewhere between a moan and a whimper. He burrowed his face into Bucky's neck, gasping for air.</p><p>Bucky took in a deep breath, running his fingers through Steve's hair as he relaxed around him again. ''God, I love you.''</p><p>Steve glanced at him, his head resting on Bucky's shoulder. ''I love you too, Buck. I love you, I love you, I love you...''</p><p>Bucky hummed, pressing a kiss on Steve's cheek. ''Are you okay?''</p><p>''Yes,'' Steve nodded against his neck. ''You just… You're so tight, you feel amazing.''</p><p>''Good,'' Bucky said quietly, smiling up at him. He moved his hips in reassurance. ''Whenever you're ready, you can move.''</p><p>''Mmh, yeah.'' Steve placed his hand beneath Bucky's head and pulled out of him almost completely. Then, he pressed his hips forward, slowly pushing back in. He began a slow, comfortable rhythm that they both fell into easily.</p><p>''That's good, Stevie,'' Bucky praised, moaning as the sensitive spot inside of him was touched with each thrust. He tightened his legs around Steve's waist, pulling him even closer to his body and making him push in deeper.</p><p>Beads of sweat started appearing on both of their bodies despite the cool air around them. They were holding onto each other so tightly that they both knew there were going to be bruises left behind. That wasn't exactly a problem to Steve as he healed fast but Bucky that he would end up feeling all kinds of sore. He didn't mind it though; the longer he could feel what they had done tonight, the better.</p><p>Not letting go of each other, they rolled over. Steve laid down on his back, the blanket scratching against his skin as Bucky pulled himself up, holding onto Steve's chest for support and rolling his hips down experimentally.</p><p>Steve placed his hands on his hip, guiding him up and down, and his mouth opened in a silent groan when Bucky clenched around him.</p><p>''I- I don't think,'' Steve gasped out, taking in the sight of Bucky in front of him. ''I don't think I'm gonna last a lot longer. You're amazing.''</p><p>''So you've said. Come on, get up,'' Bucky told him with a big, happy grin on his face. He could feel himself turning redder and redder with each passing moment. ''Come on, Stevie.''</p><p>Steve sat up effortlessly and wrapped his arms around Bucky, thrusting up into him in time with his gentle movements. Bucky sobbed at the feeling of the other man inside of him, stretching him out so deliciously. A couple of tears of happiness escaped his eyes.</p><p>As the tip of his member drooled against Steve's abdominal muscles, Bucky threw his head back in ecstasy. Steve didn't waste a second and pressed his lips against the exposed neck, feeling Bucky's pulse on his lips.</p><p>''Ah, you can't… You can't leave any marks there,'' Bucky reminded him, hating he couldn't allow Steve to suck and bite his neck until it bruised. ''H- How close are you, darling?''</p><p>''So close. You feel too good, sweetheart,'' Steve replied, his thrusts turning more irregular and harsh. ''So fucking tight.''</p><p>''Mmh, go ahead, Stevie,'' Bucky encouraged him, clenching around him on purpose. He let out a whimper when Steve wrapped his hand tightly around his shaft to get him closer to the edge with him.</p><p>The familiar intense feeling at the bottom of Bucky's stomach began to rise immediately and he closed his eyes to give the feeling all of his attention. He planted his feet on the ground so that he could lift his hips better and let the hardness inside of him drag against his sweet spot.</p><p>''I can't, Bucky. I- I can't...'' Steve grunted desperately.</p><p>Bucky nodded encouragingly. Steve's hand was now furiously moving up and down between his legs, his grip tightening the closer he got.</p><p>''Ease up, darling,'' Bucky said and brushed his hand away from him, replacing it with his own.</p><p>Steve mumbled an apology under his breath and after one more nudge against Bucky's body, he stilled against him. The muscles on his abdomen spasmed harshly as he shot deep inside of Bucky.</p><p>Feeling spent, he slumped down against the blanket and slowly opened his eyes to look at the man on top of him.</p><p>Bucky pulled him into a kiss, humming against his lips as he continued to bounce in Steve's lap. Steve squeezed his hips gently and Bucky stroked himself faster, the burn in his body becoming almost unbearable.</p><p>''I love you,'' Bucky told him when he pulled away from the kiss. He stared into Steve's eyes, the blueness of them seeming brighter because of the moonlight shining onto his face, coming in from one of the windows. ''I love you.''</p><p>''I love you,'' Steve replied, the words coming out almost slurred. He pushed Bucky's hand away and began stroking him, now that he could control his strength again as his mind was no longer clouded by his own pleasure. ''Go on, Buck. Make yourself feel good.''</p><p>Bucky whimpered at his words and could feel his body tensing up. For the first time in forever, he only felt good. His entire body was on fire and whatever it was that was causing the heat was now traveling from his stomach into his groin and then into his erection before shooting out of him in several strong bursts that left him breathless.</p><p>''Steve!'' he yelled, back arching in satisfaction. Steve stroked him through it, his movement slowing down gradually until Bucky slumped down against him, still letting out the tiniest whimpers every once in a while.</p><p>Resting against Steve's chest, Bucky tried to get his breathing under control. Steve held onto him with one arm to keep him from rolling off his lap and wiped his other hand against the blanket to clean it up before using it to guide himself out of Bucky.</p><p>Bucky groaned at the unpleasant feeling of being empty again as a mixture of cum and vaseline made its way down his thighs. Steve hushed him gently, helping him wipe it away with something soft before pressing a kiss on his forehead and sighing in pure happiness.</p><p>''That was...'' he started.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Bucky finished for him, bringing his hand to rest on Steve's chest. He circled his muscles lazily with his palm, the feeling of his heart beating strong and obvious beneath his fingertips. He pressed a kiss right next to his nipple. ''It really was.''</p><p>A comfortable silence surrounded them and eventually, Bucky rolled onto the blanket. Although Steve was a Super Soldier and could easily handle his weight, Bucky didn't want to feel like he was crushing him down.</p><p>There was still warmth being shared between their bodies but Bucky could feel goosebumps starting to appear on his skin. Steve must have noticed as well as he immediately grabbed his jacket from the floor and wrapped it around Bucky's body to shield him from the cold.</p><p>''Aren't you cold?'' Bucky asked Steve as the man put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.</p><p>''I'm okay,'' Steve said softly, turning on to his side so that he could get a better look at Bucky. ''How about you? How are you feeling?''</p><p>''I'm… perfect.'' Bucky replied truthfully, despite the soreness he could feel in the lower part of his body. He had never felt better.</p><p>''Yes, you are,'' Steve whispered and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. ''You really are.''</p><p>Bucky chuckled, wrapping the jacket tighter around himself. The blanket beneath them had moved during their act and was now annoyingly wrinkled under his body and rubbing against his skin.</p><p>Sacrificing his hand to the cold, Bucky reached to stroke the back of it against Steve's reddened cheek. ''So are you. I wish that tonight didn't have to end.''</p><p>''Well,'' Steve started, pressing a kiss on Bucky's knuckles. ''The night isn't over yet. We still have some hours until we have to get back to the camp. It'll only be the two of us in the world until then.''</p><p>''I like the sound of that.'' Bucky smiled at him. ''Here we can be who we truly are… Each other's. I hate it that it can't always be this way.''</p><p>''I know, sweetheart,'' Steve whispered. ''It's not fair.''</p><p>''It's not,'' Bucky said, shaking his head. ''It's a big world. There must be a place for us.''</p><p>Steve blinked at him slowly. ''You don't think there is?''</p><p>''Men like us, Stevie,'' Bucky started, taking in a ragged breath. ''Men like us don't belong.''</p><p>''Anywhere?''</p><p>''In the future.'' Bucky tried to offer him a comforting smile. ''We belong in the future.''</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p><p>The line ''It's a big world. There must be a place for us.'' is NOT something I came up with. It's from a comic (I think Planet Hulk?) So credits to them for that. It's a beautiful line &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry that I'm late with this chapter :) Hope you all like it. Leave a comment to keep me going, haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>P a r t  V I I. </b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>T h e  1 0 7 t h</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>O c t o b e r  1 3 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>Over the past year, Steve had gotten used to sleeping in a fetal position as it was the only way he could fit in the small beds they had been given. The position did help with keeping warm, although the serum did most of the work when it came to that. Bucky had described it as having his own personal fireplace whenever they were occasionally able to sleep together.</p><p>Every night he missed having the other man in his arms. There had only been a handful of times he'd been able to wake up to the feeling of Bucky breathing against his neck, still in deep sleep and letting out sweet sounds as he dreamed. Kissing him awake had always been one of Steve's favorite things in the world.</p><p>He smiled softly at the thought of Bucky and put his shoes on in a hurry. He needed to see him.</p><p>Steve stood up and took a long sip of water to make his throat less dry and scratchy. The cold air was really affecting everything, even his voice.</p><p>There was a familiar knock on the tent pole outside that made Steve work faster at getting ready. He ran his fingers through his hair to smooth them out as well as he could without a proper comb or a brush and went to find his cup so that he could get some coffee in case someone had bothered making it that morning.</p><p>There was another knock before Bucky rushed into the tent and from the look that he had on his face, Steve could immediately tell that something was wrong. Only then he noticed that the usually quiet camp was the opposite of its usual self. Something was happening outside.</p><p>''Steve,'' Bucky gasped, out of breath and carrying a heavy-looking backpack.</p><p>''Buck… What's going on?'' Steve asked, dropping his water bottle on the ground. He watched on as Bucky tried to take deep breaths and placed his hands on his shoulders. ''Bucky, is everything okay? Were we attacked? Why wasn't I woken up?''</p><p>Bucky shook his head. ''No, no. We weren't attacked, just… Just come outside.''</p><p>''Okay,'' Steve whispered nervously and followed Bucky out of the tent. The right side of the area they had set up camp was now empty, other than the holes left in the ground from the tent poles. All the men were working hard to get everything packed up and ready to go. ''Are we leaving? I wasn't told-''</p><p>''The order came in early this morning. You're not going anywhere,'' Bucky explained to him quietly, his eyes wide and filled with unshed tears. ''The 107th regiment is set to leave in a few minutes for Italy.''</p><p>''Italy?'' Steve asked, his heart sinking as he slowly began to realize what all of this meant. He held onto Bucky even tighter. Tears burned in his eyes and were about to drop when Bucky took his hand in his and dragged him behind the tent. ''Bucky, I can't… Not again.''</p><p>Bucky wrapped his arms around his neck, getting up on his toes to reach him comfortably. He placed a kiss on his cheek. ''It's going to be okay. This is not the same as last time, I promise you. Steve, listen to me.''</p><p>Steve shook his head. He needed this to not be real. To be just a nightmare, nothing else. He'd just gotten Bucky back, he couldn't let him go again. Not ever again.</p><p>''Hey,'' Bucky whispered, his voice coming out shaky as well. He pulled away from the hug slightly and gently grabbed Steve's jaw, making him look him in the eye. ''I'm not allowed to tell you exactly what we will be doing when we get to Italy but it has something to do with Hydra. I know that probably doesn't help but it's the only thing I can tell you and I'm not going to keep anything from you from now on. You don't have to worry about me, okay?''</p><p>''Impossible,'' Steve replied, trying to keep his emotions in check. He took a deep breath and pulled Bucky into a quick kiss, not caring if anyone happened to see them. When they pulled apart, he placed his forehead against Bucky's just like he always did and let out a sigh. ''I love you, James Buchanan Barnes. I love you, I love you… I need you to take care of yourself, okay? You need to stay safe.''</p><p>''I love you.'' A small, brave smile appeared on Bucky's face. Steve knew he was trying his best to make him feel better. ''I love you more than anything else in the world, and that's why I need you to listen to me right now, alright?''</p><p>Steve nodded, letting go of Bucky for a second as he wiped away a tear that had escaped.</p><p>''I will always come back to you,'' Bucky told him, his voice now strict and serious. ''Because no matter what, I will always find you. And even if I'm not able to, I know you will find me.''</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve gasped out, holding Bucky's hand against his heart.</p><p>''Sergeant Barnes?!'' a voice yelled from somewhere in the camp.</p><p>Bucky's eyes widened and he hurried to take one of his dog tags from around his neck. ''I'll give you this and you give me one of yours, alright? That way we will be together even when we can't see each other.''</p><p>''A- Alright.'' Steve took his dog tag and placed it around Bucky's neck. ''I will write to you, sweetheart. I promise.''</p><p>''I'll write to you as much as I can,'' Bucky replied, kissing him one more time. He slipped his dog tag over Steve's head and pressed it against his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath his fingertips. ''And if I can't reply, just tell the stars what you want to say to me. I'll be looking up every night, I promise you. Every night.''</p><p>Steve couldn't bring himself to say anything more and from what he could tell, neither could Bucky. They looked at each other for a short moment, sharing a wordless goodbye with their eyes before Steve let him go.</p><p>Bucky walked away from him, slowly and constantly looking back. Steve could do nothing but stand there and watch him go, still feeling the warmth of his love's hand against his chest.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>N o v e m b e r  3 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>The first letter arrived three weeks later which meant that there was no need to start talking to the stars just yet, and even though Steve was happy to hear from Bucky, he couldn't bring himself to open the letter.</p><p>Even now, that he was sitting in a movie theater, watching a cartoon with his fellow soldiers that had gotten a two-day leave at the same time as him, he couldn't stop thinking about the piece of paper in his pocket.</p><p>A soldier sitting in the first row, who had had one too many, was loudly laughing at every single little movement of the characters on the big screen. Had Steve been younger, he would have gotten annoyed and yelled at the guy to shut. Of course, back then, he'd always been looking for a fight, even though he hadn't been able to fight back.</p><p>Maybe it had been one of the ways he'd dealt with losing all the important people in his life in a short period of time or maybe it had just been pure stupidity and recklessness.</p><p>Having had enough of the drunkard, Steve got up from his seat and made his way quietly out of the theater. The air outside wasn't as fresh as it had been back at camp but in a weird way, it was comforting. More familiar.</p><p>Steve sat down on the curb, not caring about the wet ground. He took the letter out, unfolding it carefully, not wanting to rip it. Bucky's handwriting was as messy as he had remembered it being.</p><p>
  <em>To. Steve Rogers</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write. I haven't had a single moment to sit down for more than a minute in weeks, until this moment, and even now, I don't have a lot of time so I apologize if this letter is short. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you've been doing well. I miss you so much and can't wait to see you again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Italy has been, well, different. Not too much though. It seems like in some odd way the war has united people. It's all the same chaos, just in different languages and with different guns. The people that I've met here have been very kind to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still don't know when I will be back but I hope it will be soon. Every morning I expect you to be next to me and it's always disheartening to find that it is not true.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've been in my dreams all these weeks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay safe,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>B.</em>
</p><p>Steve blinked his tears away and tried to tuck the letter back into the envelope. When he had trouble doing so, he took a good look in it, only to find something stuck to the inside of it. It looked like another piece of paper, just smaller.</p><p>With care, he took hold of the corner of the said piece of paper and pulled it out, only slightly ripping the side of it in the process. He turned it around and smiled brightly at what he found. It was a photograph of Bucky with two other soldiers. His expression was sweet but he looked slightly caught off guard. Whoever it had been that had taken the photograph, must have surprised him.</p><p>Steve turned the photograph around again, noticing a small string of text written in the bottom right corner.</p><p>
  <em>Me and my friends in Italy, 1943. To Steve. I love you.</em>
</p><p>Steve was sure that his heart was about to leap out of his chest for all the love he felt for the man far, far away. At least now he knew that Bucky was alive and well. He just hoped that wherever Bucky was sleeping tonight, he was at least warm. He always got cold so easily.</p><p>
  <em>''Are you boys sure you want to sleep out here?'' she asked, looking around the dark neighborhood. ''It might get cold during the night and there are most likely a lot of bugs here.''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>’’We’re sure, Ma,’’ Steve answered for the both of them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>’’The living room floor is about just as cool,’’ Ma continued. ’’You could sleep there.’’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bucky glanced at Steve. ’’Maybe we sho-’’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>’’No, we’re going to stay here,’’ Steve replied stubbornly.</em>
</p><p>''That a love letter?''</p><p>Steve jumped at the voice, shoving the photograph and the letter back into the envelope and hiding it in his pocket. The man the voice belonged to, stood next to him, his shoes dirty and a cigarette hanging in between his fingers.</p><p>''Yeah, something like that.''</p><p>''Can I join you?''</p><p>''By all means,'' Steve replied, shifting slightly to the side.</p><p>The man sat down next to him and took a puff of his cigarette. ''I'm Gabriel Jones, but everyone calls me Gabe.''</p><p>''Steve Rogers,'' Steve said and shook his hand, tugging the letter further into his pocket with his free hand.</p><p>''Yeah, I know,'' Gabe laughed, blowing smoke out of his mouth. He held the cigarette out to Steve. ''Want a drag? You don't seem to be having a good night, sitting out here in the rain all alone. Did you get bad news or something?''</p><p>Before Steve replied, he took the cigarette in his hand and put it between his lips. He wasn't one to smoke often, barely ever. He'd done it enough when he'd had to deal with his asthma, but today was an exception.</p><p>He took a long drag of it, the same way Bucky did almost every night, and let the smoke escape his mouth into the air. He passed the cigarette back to Gabe.</p><p>''Thanks,'' he said. ''I'm just missing someone.''</p><p>''Yeah, that's rough,'' Gabe replied, putting out the cigarette on the wet ground. ''Do you know when you'll be able to see them again?''</p><p>''That's the thing,'' Steve sighed. ''I have no idea.''</p><p>''Hmm...'' Gabe hummed and gently nudged Steve on the shoulder, making him look at him. ''Thank God for letters, huh? It would be even worse if there was no way to keep in contact with the people we care about.''</p><p>''I guess that's true.''</p><p>''Haven't you thought about getting drunk? It helps sometimes.''</p><p>Steve huffed out a laugh. ''I don't really feel like doing anything today.''</p><p>''I see,'' Gabe replied. ''You got a place to stay for the night?''</p><p>''Nah, the hotel was full,'' Steve said with a wave of his hand. ''I'm sure I'll figure something out.''</p><p>''Here, pal,'' Gabe took out a key from his pocket and held it in front of Steve's face. ''I got a room in that small hotel right over there at the end of the street. It's got two beds. You're free to have the other one if you want it.''</p><p>Steve eyed the key for a moment. ''You really don't have to-''</p><p>''Captain...'' Gabe placed the key in Steve's palm and closed his fist around it. ''Take it. The room number is twenty-three.''</p><p>Steve gave him a small smile. ''Thank you, Gabe. And call me Steve, please.''</p><p>''Whatever you say,'' Gabe replied, smiling right back. ''<em>Steve</em>.''</p><p>''You're a good man, Gabe. I owe you,'' Steve told him as he got up from the ground. ''I think I'll go and try to get some sleep. Don't have too much fun out there.''</p><p>Gabe stood up as well and laughed. ''Yeah, yeah. Sleep tight.''</p><p>Steve nodded at him and crossed the street in a couple of long strides. He made his way to the end of the street and eyed the hotel for a moment, figuring that it looked good enough for the night, and opened the door.</p><p>The hallways of the hotel were almost like a maze and it took Steve an embarrassing amount of time to find the correct room, even though it was on the first floor of the building. The place was slightly messy, in some places even sort of disgusting, but Steve didn't care. He'd seen worse and was just glad to be able to spend his night in a place that was dry and warm.</p><p>He walked into the room and closed the door behind him. The room was small, barely spacious enough to fit two beds and a desk in it. He threw his bag on the floor, slightly off to the side so that when Gabe came into the room later on, probably drunk, he wouldn't stumble on it.</p><p>Luckily for Steve, there was paper and pens on the desk, even a couple of envelopes. Steve sat down on the chair in front of the desk and placed one of the papers in front of him before taking the pen in his hand.</p><p>He began to write.</p><p>
  <em>To James Barnes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was so good to hear from you. I'm glad that you're doing well. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind ever since the day that you left. Everything is alright here as well, I'm on a leave right now. Elizabeth told me to say hello. She got engaged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love the photograph you sent me. You look tired but just as wonderful as you always do. Take good care of yourself and try to find the time to rest, even though I'm sure it's busy there. I'm also glad that you've made friends.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I met a kind man today, just now actually. He offered me a hotel room to stay at and I know what that sounds like but there's no need for you to worry. My heart belongs to you, but I think this man might make a good friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been thinking of you a lot, dreaming of the day that you come back to me. When you do, I will wrap you in my arms and never let you go again. I love you so, so much, sweetheart. No matter where we'll go in the future, I will be with you until the end of the line.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now that I'm not surrounded by war and can live a couple of days as if it doesn't exist, I can't help but feel that despite the chaos that the world is in, it will all be alright in the end. Do you believe me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS. I wish I had a photograph to send you.</em>
</p><p>Steve read through the letter a couple of times and set it off to the side. He took one of the envelopes and wrote down Bucky's location on it before slipping the letter inside of it. Just as he was about to lick the adhesive, there was a knock on the door.</p><p>With a sigh, he set the envelope down and got up from his seat. He opened the door, only to find Gabe standing there, looking like he'd already had a little bit to drink.</p><p>''Oh,'' Steve mumbled. ''Hello.''</p><p>''Hi,'' Gabe replied with a smile. ''I won't be bothering you for long. I didn't think this key thing through so uhh... I just came to get the key since I don't want to wake you up when I come back from the celebration later tonight.''</p><p>Steve blinked. ''Oh, yes. Of course. Here you go.''</p><p>Gabe took the key from his hand. ''Thank you, Rogers. Oh, and before I go, I was told by… someone, to give you these. I don't even know if you want them or anything but… Here you go.''</p><p>Steve looked at the photographs Gabe was holding and took them cautiously in his hand. ''Alright.''</p><p>''Good night,'' Gabe told him with a drunken nod.</p><p>''Good night,'' Steve replied, smiling at him wearily. ''Don't do anything stupid.''</p><p>''Aye, aye, Captain!'' Gabe yelled, already walking out of the door and into the hallway.</p><p>With a chuckle, Steve closed the door again and sat back down by the desk. He looked through the photographs, only to find most of them blurred as they had probably been taken at one of the several parties that the soldiers had been having during their leave days.</p><p>Surprisingly though, the last photograph was one that had been taken of him only the day before when he'd been wearing his uniform at an important meeting. Steve blushed at the sight of himself.</p><p>He placed the photographs down and grabbed his pen again. He took out the letter for a quick moment, crossed out what he'd said about not having a photograph of himself, and let the ink dry before putting it back in the envelope.</p><p>With the same pen, he wrote on the back of the photograph.</p><p>
  <em>To my Bucky. I love you. It seems as though the stars are listening to my wishes.</em>
</p><p>He slipped the photograph into the envelope as well and sealed it shut before putting it in the pocket of his jacket, which he then threw on top of the small bedside table.</p><p>Steve slumped down on the bed nearest to him and groaned when he was able to stretch his legs out for the first time in a long while.</p><p>It didn't take him long to fall asleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>N o v e m b e r  1 4 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>''I don't think I'll ever get used to shooting someone,'' Gabe mumbled, washing his face in a bucket of water to get rid of the dirt that had piled up on his skin for the past couple of days.</p><p>Steve hummed in agreement, pouring some water over his head and rubbing his scalp with his fingertips. ''You know, Gabe, feeling guilty for shooting a man, even if that man is the enemy, makes you a better man than most.''</p><p>Gabe let out a loud laugh and clapped Steve on the back. ''You think so?''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Steve hummed with a smile. He shook his head back and forth to get the excess water out of his hair. He couldn't wait to get a proper bath one of these days. ''I'll go get changed out of these clothes. If anyone asks for me, tell them I'll be in my tent.''</p><p>''Sure.''</p><p>Steve pushed past the other soldiers, making his way to the tent he shared with a few other men, one of them being Gabe. He sat down on his bed and took off his jacket that was covered in disgusting smelling dirt before throwing it on the ground. He wasn't even sure if there was any use in trying to wash it anymore.</p><p>On his bed, right on top of his pillow, was a letter. Steve smiled at it and ripped it open as quickly as he could. It was from Bucky.</p><p>
  <em>To. Steve Rogers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write back, it's been busy. My entire body hurts more and more every day but I will be okay. The thought of you waiting for me there makes me feel stronger and more hopeful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell Beth that I said hello and that I'm happy for her. She deserves all the good in the world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm glad that you've found a friend, Steve and I'm not worried at all. You have to have someone there taking care of you when I can't. What's his name? I'd like to meet him when I get back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You look so handsome in that photograph, darling. With each passing minute, I miss you more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry that this letter is short too, they're already telling me to get back to work. I've been trying to take some time to rest whenever I can, so I don't want you to worry about me, okay? All is well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, I love you, I love you. Remember that.</em>
</p><p>Gabe rushed into the tent, his breathing coming out in harsh gasps. ''Steve! Oh, Steve, I-''</p><p>Steve dropped the letter onto his bed and stood up so that he could figure out what was wrong. He placed his hands on Gabe's shoulders.</p><p>''Hey, hey. Breathe, Gabe, come on.''</p><p>''I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'' Gabe whispered, the expression on his face odd. He looked somewhere between worried and sad.</p><p>''Are we under attack?'' Steve asked, starting to panic himself. He took a quick look outside. Everyone there was now moving around in a hurry. Something bad must have happened. ''Hey, you need to tell me what the hell is going on!''</p><p>''Steve, the 107th regiment,'' Gabe started slowly and Steve's heart skipped a beat. <em>No.</em> ''They are gone. Disappeared. Captured or killed. I am so, so sorry.''</p><p>''No… Don't be,'' Steve mumbled, already running out of the tent. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Even if it was, why would the enemy just kill the soldiers? They'd get more use out of them if they kept them captured. <em>Oh, stars, let it not be true.</em></p><p>Steve stood there in the middle of the chaos, looking around to see if he could find anyone who could have an answer to all of the questions he had. He spotted a man who seemed to be in charge of everything, standing in one of the open tents, and rushed toward him, pushing a few people out of his way perhaps a little too harshly.</p><p>''Excuse me, excuse me!'' Steve exclaimed, finally getting to the man who was talking into a walkie-talkie.</p><p>''Not now, soldier, can't you see that I'm busy?!'' the man yelled back at him, browsing through different types of lists he had on the table in front of him. One of them looked to have names on it.</p><p>''Excuse me, sir?'' Steve glanced to his right and found Gabe standing there with a serious look on his face. He seemed to know the man in charge. ''His friend was in the 107th, he just wants to know if he's alright.''</p><p>The man stopped for a moment and looked Steve up and down as if he was judging whether he deserved the information or not. ''Alright, fine. What's the name?''</p><p>Steve let out a sigh of relief. ''James Buchanan Barnes. That's B-A-R-N-''</p><p>''I know how to spell, son,'' the man said to him, his voice all of a sudden turning just a little softer. ''The name does sound familiar, I'm sorry.''</p><p>''What?'' Steve asked harshly. Gabe's hand came up on his shoulder. ''Wha the hell do you mean familiar?''</p><p>''Steve, you know what that means,'' Gabe whispered.</p><p>''Like I said, I'm sorry,'' the man told him again. He turned to look at Gabe. ''Take him somewhere else to calm down. We're all trying to figure out what exactly is going on.''</p><p>Somehow Gabe, who was shorter and weaker than Steve, managed to push him out of the way of other soldiers and back to their tent. To be fair, Steve had felt like the ground had just shattered from beneath his feet and someone had taken all of his strength away.</p><p>Gabe pushed him to sit on the bed and sat down right next to him, his hand running up and down Steve's back.</p><p>Without saying a word, Steve took the letter in his hands again. He hadn't finished reading it.</p><p>
  <em>Until the end of the line,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>B.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS. Of course, the stars listened to you. Who wouldn't?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PPS. There are rumors going around that we will be getting out of here in a week or two. When I get back, I think we should go somewhere with good music and a lot of dancing.''</em>
</p><p>''I'm so sorry,'' Steve gasped out, holding the letter against his chest, no longer trying to keep the tears in. His body wracked with sobs, feeling the great emptiness growing inside of him. ''I'm so sorry.''</p><p>''Shh,'' Gabe tried to hush him. ''It's going to be okay.''</p><p>It wasn't. Nothing was ever going to be okay ever again. This was the second time that he'd lost <em>him</em> and they hadn't even had that much time together. For seven years, he had waited for him, only for the world to take him away once again.</p><p>''I know that this isn't probably the best time to ask this, but uhh...'' Gabe cleared his throat before speaking up again, ''Is James the one you love?''</p><p>Steve didn't say anything. He couldn't. It wasn't safe. The universe didn't care who he loved but people did. That was what his Ma had told him on her death bed.</p><p>He stayed silent but the silence spoke louder than any words ever could have.</p><p>Bucky was the one that Steve had always loved and would always love and if it was up to him, he would scream it from the top of a mountain for the whole world to hear.</p><p>He refused to be ashamed of loving James Buchanan Barnes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>N o v e m b e r  2 8 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>The Captain America suit had been sitting in a bag for several months already. It wasn't the most suitable garment for any kind of fighting as it gave him very minimal protection, other than the helmet of course. For some unknown reason, he still ended up putting it on this morning.</p><p>Steve did decide to wear a brown leather jacket over it as well as a comfortable pair of trousers so that he wouldn't draw too much attention to himself. His shield was still waiting in the corner and he wasn't even sure if he would be bringing it with him since the material it was made of wasn't the most durable.</p><p>Ever since the news of the 107th disappearing, even though it had already been two weeks since then and even though everyone had told him to grieve and move on, the voice in the back of Steve's head or his gut feeling or whatever you wanted to call it, kept telling him that Bucky was still alive.</p><p>He'd tried everything to get rid of the feeling. He'd screamed at the stars in hopes that Bucky would somehow hear him. He'd cried against Gabe's shoulder many times. He'd even written a goodbye letter and an apology to Bucky to get his heart to stop hurting but nothing had helped.</p><p>Now Steve was done thinking. He needed to do something. Bucky had told him that if he wasn't able to find Steve, Steve would be able to find him. And that was exactly what he was going to do.</p><p>Just as he was about to step outside the tent, a hand came to rest on his chest and pushed him back in.</p><p>''What the hell do you think you're doing?'' Gabe hissed at him, looking almost angry.</p><p>''I need to go, Gabe,'' Steve whispered back harshly. ''Bucky is alive and I need to go get him. He is not dead! I can still feel him.''</p><p>''Okay, okay. Whatever you say, man,'' Gabe replied. ''But what are you exactly planning on doing? Walking to Italy?''</p><p>Steve sighed. ''I'll do whatever it takes to get him back. So yes, I'll walk to Italy if I have to. I'll do it a thousand times if it means that I get to see him again.''</p><p>''Sit down, Rogers,'' Gabe barked, stopping Steve from trying to get out of the tent again. He pushed him down on the bed. ''For the past two weeks, you've been a wreck. What changed? Why do you need to leave now?''</p><p>''I'm already two weeks late,'' Steve told him, a bit too loudly. Another soldier who was still sleeping let out a groan and rolled onto his other side. ''If Bucky is out there captured is some cell, getting tortured or anything along those lines, I need to-''</p><p>''Yeah, yeah, I get it,'' Gabe interrupted him, sounding annoyed. He knelt down in front of Steve. ''You listen to me, Rogers, and you listen well, okay?''</p><p>Steve took in a deep breath and nodded.</p><p>''Alright,'' Gabe nodded back at him. ''I don't care how much of a super-soldier you are. I will not let you walk to Italy all alone in cold weather like this. You will go back to sleep and let me take care of everything. I will figure out a way for you to get to Italy faster than by walking, okay? If your boy is out there, we're going to get him back.''</p><p>''You swear?''</p><p>''I swear on my mama's life,'' Gabe told him. ''And she would kill me if she knew I said that.''</p><p>That got a small laugh out of Steve but his expression turned back to serious quickly. ''You swore. I don't take that lightly. You better be here by midnight, you get that?''</p><p>''Yeah, I got that,'' Gabe replied. ''Now go the hell to sleep.''</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>N o v e m b e r  2 9 t h,</em> <em> 1 </em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>A whistle came from outside the tent three minutes past midnight and Steve, who had been wearing his gear for the past hour, rushed out at the mark he'd been waiting for. It was so dark outside that it was almost impossible to see where all the other tents were but thankfully the moonlight gave him a little bit of guidance.</p><p>''Don't say anything and just follow me,'' Gabe whispered to him, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him further into the forest next to their campsite.</p><p>Despite having a thousand questions, Steve stayed quiet. He didn't know what Gabe had done to help him to get to Italy but he was already grateful and ready to do whatever the man asked him to do.</p><p>They walked through the dark forest for the next twenty minutes until Steve could see a glimpse of something behind the pine trees. It was big and looked like it was made of metal.</p><p>''Come on, he's waiting for us,'' Gabe finally spoke up again and let go of Steve's arm.</p><p>''Who?'' Steve allowed himself to ask, rushing after Gabe when he started running toward the big junk of metal.</p><p>Gabe didn't reply, just turned around for a moment to give him a small, mischievous smirk that Steve had already gotten used to seeing on his face. How he always managed to be so energetic, Steve had no idea.</p><p>A branch that had a couple of dead leaves still stuck on it got wrapped around Steve's ankle and he shook it off before taking in the sight in front of him. The ''metal junk'' was actually a small plane and in front of it was standing a young-looking man with black hair and a smart-looking mustache.</p><p>Howard Stark. The man that had helped Steve become Captain America and had even given him his uniform and shield.</p><p>''Steven, it's good to see you!'' Howard said with a big smile on his face. They shook hands. ''Going on a little trip, huh?''</p><p>''Apparently,'' Steve answered, eyeing the plane. ''Is this yours?''</p><p>''Yes, of course,'' Howard replied, patting the side of the plane with his hand. ''She's a beauty, isn't she?''</p><p>Steve only nodded, not really knowing what else to do. ''You're taking us to Italy?''</p><p>''Italy?'' Howard asked, glancing at Gabe in confusion.</p><p>''Oh yeah,'' Gabe said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. ''I forgot to tell you. Let's get on the plane and I'll tell you everything once we're in the air. We've gotta get out of here before anyone figures out that we've left the camp.''</p><p>Howard agreed with him. ''That's a smart plan. Climb in, boys!''</p><p>Gabe climbed in first, knowing what he was doing, and even offered to take Steve's backpack so that it wouldn't weigh Steve down when he climbed up the ladder. Steve refused with a wave of a hand. The letter he had written to Bucky, his apology and goodbye, was in there and there was no way that he was going to trust anyone, even his friend, to take good care of it.</p><p>Once they were on their seats in the plane and strapped it, the ladder moved up on its own and the door closed.</p><p>''You boys ready?'' Howard yelled from the cockpit.</p><p>''Yep! Let's go!'' Gabe yelled back.</p><p>The take-off wasn't as smooth as Steve had hoped it would be. Before the war he had never been in a plane before and to be honest, he had never dreamed of being in one. As much as he'd always liked danger and had his fair share of stupid ideas, getting in a big chunk of metal that could fall from the sky while he was in it had never even crossed his mind.</p><p>He'd never been a big fan of heights but his fear had never been as bad as Bucky's.</p><p>Steve cleared his throat. Even the thought of Bucky's name made his throat feel tight. ''So… Are we not going to Italy?''</p><p>''Stark found out something about the 107th that no one else knows about yet,'' Gabe told him, a serious but still somehow happy expression on his face. ''It is true that a lot of the soldiers in 107th were killed...''</p><p>Steve gulped down his tears. Bucky was not dead.</p><p>''But not all of them. Some of them were captured,'' Gabe continued. ''They are not in Italy anymore though, they are in Austria, somewhere between Kitzbühel and Klagenfurt.''</p><p>Steve nodded. ''Do we have a plan?''</p><p>''Of course,'' Gabe rolled his eyes at him. ''In a little over two hours, we will be in Austria. We will land in a very specific spot and Howard will leave so that none of us get caught. At 4 am, there should be a convoy of Hydra trucks heading towards where we think they are holding all the captives. That's where Bucky will be if… Well, you know.''</p><p>Steve knew.</p><p>''How did you get Stark to do this for me?''</p><p>''It didn't take much,'' Gabe whispered, chuckling. ''He owes me one and he is your biggest fan, you know that right? He doesn't make individualized shields to just anyone.''</p><p>Steve nodded again, a slight blush rising on his cheeks.</p><p>''Who's this Bucky guy anyway?'' Howard's voice came from the front of the plane.</p><p>Not feeling like answering, Steve pretended not to have heard the question and looked out of the small window behind them. The night sky was so dark that it almost looked like they were flying in outer space.</p><p>''He's uh...'' Gabe started, thinking about his answer for a moment. ''He's someone important.''</p><p>They all stayed quiet for the rest of the flight.</p><p> </p><p>The landing was even worse than the take-off. If Steve hadn't been so focused on the reason why they were in Austria, he would have probably been sick. They climbed out of the plane with a bit of a struggle and took some weapons with them as they hadn't been able to get any from the camp.</p><p>After a quick thank you to Stark and even a hug, they rushed into a nearby forest so that they wouldn't be seen by anyone.</p><p>''Where exactly do we have to go from here?'' Steve asked quietly. He couldn't see anyone or anything around them, other than trees and a dirt road but if there was anything he'd learned since the beginning of the war, it was that even trees had ears.</p><p>''Do you see that lamp over there?'' Gabe pointed to the other side of the forest where there was a visible glow shining between the trees. ''The trucks will be driving right past it and we will get a ride from the one that arrives last.''</p><p>''Should we go there then?''</p><p>''In a minute or so,'' Gabe replied. ''I don't want to risk getting caught.''</p><p>Steve nodded. ''And when we've freed the captives, how were you planning on getting back to the camp? Are we going to walk or…?''</p><p>''Of course not,'' Gabe told him. He really had thought of everything. ''The moment we figure out if there are our soldiers captured in the building we're going to, I'm going to communicate with the SSR base in England. They will send aircraft to come pick us up as soon as possible.''</p><p>''Sounds… dangerous.''</p><p>''It's our only choice,'' Gabe said, getting up from his crouched position. ''It's going to be okay. Time to go, Captain, I can see headlights.''</p><p>They moved through the forest as quietly and inconspicuously as they could before hiding behind a large tree while three trucks went by. Gabe nodded at Steve as a sign that it would soon be their turn to go and just like always before a mission, Steve's body began shaking with adrenaline.</p><p>After they had made sure that there would be no more trucks, they ran after the last one and jumped in it. It all seemed a bit too easy.</p><p>The back of the truck was filled with big boxes, perfect for hiding behind until they were at their destination. They didn't speak, only gave each other looks of worry, hope, and trust. Steve had a good feeling about this. They were going to be bringing their men home. Hopefully, those men also included the man that he loved.</p><p>For the rest of their secret trip, Steve kept going over in his mind all the things he had written in his letter to Bucky that the man might never get to read. He'd tried his best to explain what he had meant to him and how sorry he was for failing him.</p><p>He snapped out of his daze when Gabe poked him on his side and only then, he noticed that the truck had stopped moving. He had completely lost his sense of time but had a feeling that it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes since they'd gotten on the truck.</p><p>''We have to jump out now, come on,'' Gabe whispered to him, practically pushing Steve out of the truck. He followed soon after and led him behind a small building that was nearby.</p><p>''We made it,'' Steve whispered, mostly to himself. He'd only seen a quick glimpse of the building they were meant to break into and could already tell that it was huge and probably much like a maze. It wasn't going to be easy to find one person from such a place.</p><p>''Do you want to wait for a minute or should we just go?'' Gabe asked, sounding nervous.</p><p>''I don't know,'' Steve said honestly. ''You're the one with the plan. You tell me.''</p><p>Gabe peeked around the wall and quickly turned back to Steve. ''They don't seem to be unloading the trucks just yet but they are going in. I say we sneak behind the trucks and grab the door when the last man is going in.''</p><p>''That's kind of risky, isn't it?'' Steve asked, immediately feeling stupid afterward. All of this was risky.</p><p>''Yep,'' Gabe agreed with him. ''But let's try. Come on, otherwise, we'll be here all night long.''</p><p>This time around it was Steve who went first and Gabe followed right after him. The lack of light was an advance to them and allowed them to run behind the parked trucks.</p><p>There were two men smoking cigarettes by the door, talking and laughing about something that neither of them understood. It was odd seeing them so happy as sometimes Steve forgot that their enemies were people too. Possibly bad people but still people.</p><p>After throwing their finished cigarettes on the ground and putting them out, they walked into the building. Steve ran to the door, laid down on his stomach, and stuck a stick that happened to be on the ground, between the door so that it wouldn't close fully.</p><p>''Good job,'' Gabe told him quietly, helping Steve up.</p><p>Steve brushed his clothes clean from the dirt and took out one of his guns and Gabe followed suit. They gave each other a quick nod before going into the building, a certain kind of energy bouncing off between the two of them from all the suspense and anxiety.</p><p>They strangled the two guards near the door until they were unconscious and carefully laid them down on the floor. Unlike Steve had thought, the building was quite simple and it didn't take long for them to see the big cages that held in people who looked exhausted and desperate for help.</p><p>Steve immediately recognized some of them as their own and a small spark of hope lit inside of him. From the grin on Gabe's face, he could tell that his friend was feeling the exact same way.</p><p>''Hey!'' Steve hissed at the captives who turned to look at him, shock and even a hint of happiness clear on their faces.</p><p>One of the men looked Steve up and down. ''Who are you supposed to be?''</p><p>''I'm...'' Steve looked around nervously, trying to figure out the rest of the place. ''Captain America.''</p><p>''We'll let you out, don't worry. Are there more of you someplace else?'' Gabe asked.</p><p>'' There are some more people nearby,'' the man, who was still staring at Steve, said. ''I can show you where when you let us out. This isn't gonna end pretty though, the security here is top-notch.''</p><p>''Didn't feel like it,'' Gabe mumbled. ''I know this may sound weird but I have to ask you about one particular soldier.''</p><p>''Go ahead, we ain't got a lot of time.''</p><p>''James Buchanan Barnes,'' Gabe said and Steve's head snapped toward him at the sound of his love's name. ''Is he here?''</p><p>The man turned to his fellow soldier beside him. ''Do you remember anyone called that?''</p><p>''Yes,'' the other man said quickly. ''They took him, I'm not sure where. We all tried to stop them. He might still be in the building.''</p><p>''Thank you! Oh, thank you!'' Steve exclaimed, a little too loudly for anyone's liking. He placed his hand on Gabe's shoulder. ''You let everyone out, I'm going to go find Bucky. I'll see you outside, okay? Remember to contact the SSR.''</p><p>''Yes, Captain.''</p><p> </p><p>The moment Steve stepped into a part of the building that had even more cages, he was attacked by two guards. One of them grabbed Steve by the neck while the other one tried to stop him from kicking but they weren't able to hold him in place for too long.</p><p>He elbowed the man behind him in the face, knocking him unconscious in an instant, and kicked the other man where it hurt, making him fall on the floor.</p><p>The camera in the ceiling made a quiet whirring sound that Steve was more than capable of hearing and he stared right into it, locking eyes with whoever it was that was watching him from behind the lens.</p><p>Alarms went off, screeching, causing pain to travel through Steve's brain. He tried to shake it off and kept running along the hallway, desperate to find any sign of life. He looked into every single room as he passed by them and then turned right to another hallway.</p><p>A short man, almost as short as Steve had once been, was standing there with a briefcase that was so full of papers that it looked like it was going to burst at any given moment. The man stared at him, the look on his face fearful but brave at the same time.</p><p>Steve couldn't bring himself to move. For some reason, he had a feeling that there was no use in fighting the man. The short man turned around and ran away from him, leaving behind a room that was dimly lit.</p><p>Steve ran toward the room, peeking in carefully before walking in. It seemed to be some kind of a lab, although it was mostly empty. The moonlight was shining in from the big windows, creating a beautiful pattern on the floor.</p><p>''Five, five, seven,'' Steve looked up at the sound of someone mumbling. ''Zero, three, eight.''</p><p>In the middle of the room, there was an examination table, and someone, the person mumbling, was laying down on it. Steve was almost too afraid to take a step forward but his body did so anyway.</p><p>What if?</p><p>''James Barnes, five, five, seven-''</p><p>''Bucky?'' the name slipped from between Steve's lips when he finally recognized the voice to belong to no one other than the love of his life. He hurried to him, taking a moment to look him up and down, just to make sure that he was truly there, alive. ''Oh, sweetheart. What have they done to you?''</p><p>''Is that…?'' Steve put on a brave smile when Bucky seemed to snap out of it and turned to look at him, a soft, sweet smile spreading on his face. ''Steve?''</p><p>''Yeah, Buck, it's me,'' Steve told him, ripping the straps off of him. He helped him to sit up quickly, knowing that they were in a hurry to get out. He cupped Bucky's face between his hands. ''I thought you were dead.''</p><p>Bucky placed his hand on Steve's arm as he looked up at him, his pupils dilated, leaving very little room for the blue of his eyes. ''I thought you were smaller.''</p><p>Steve wasn't sure what to say to that. He was still caught off guard that he had actually found Bucky, alive and somewhat well, although the poor thing did seem to be completely out of it. Thinking about all the things these people had done to Bucky made Steve fill up with unimaginable rage, that he just had to push away for now.</p><p>''Sweetheart,'' Steve started slowly and clearly, trying to make sure that Bucky understood what he was saying. ''We don't have a lot of time to get out of here, so we need to hurry. Are you alright? Are you hurting anywhere?''</p><p>''I'm...'' Bucky breathed out, his words coming out slurred as he held onto Steve. ''I'm alright.''</p><p>Steve knew him better than that. He wasn't alright but there wasn't any time to deal with it right now. He placed a quick kiss on Bucky's forehead before wrapping Bucky's arm around his shoulders and rushing out of the room.</p><p>He could hear explosions going off in the building but couldn't see or feel anything yet. There were also all kinds of sounds coming from outside.</p><p>''Let's go up these stairs. We should be able to get to the roof.''</p><p>Bucky grasped onto the railing and pulled himself up the stairs. Steve kept his hands on his back, trying to push him forward, and couldn't help but notice how much skinnier Bucky had gotten. His breathing sounded difficult as well and for a moment, Steve thought about throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him out of the building but if something came up, he was going to need his hands free to fight.</p><p>They got to a platform, a sea of fire and explosions beneath them. He held onto Bucky, just to make sure that he wouldn't fall in. He looked so tired.</p><p>''Captain America!'' a voice yelled, making both of the men look up. Steve stepped in front of Bucky. ''How exciting! I'm a great fan of you.''</p><p>Steve stepped onto the drawbridge, meeting Johann Schmidt in the middle. He brought his shield in front of him and grabbed his gun from his tactical belt.</p><p>''So Dr. Erskine managed it after all,'' Schmidt continued his speech. ''Not exactly an improvement but still… Impressive.''</p><p>Steve noticed the short man from earlier standing on the platform on the other side of the bridge.</p><p>He turned back to Schmidt. ''You got no idea.''</p><p>He punched the man in the face, making him stumble backward.</p><p>The look on Schmidt's face turned from smug to angry. ''Haven't I?''</p><p>He brought his fist up and swung it toward Steve but thanks to his fast reflexes, he was able to block the hit with his shield that ended up denting badly.</p><p>Steve pointed the gun at Schmidt, ready to shoot, only to have the other man kick the weapon out of his hand into the fire beneath them. Steve kicked him away, making him fall on his back.</p><p>The short man pulled a lever, making the drawbridge split into two and retract, ending the fight between Steve and Schmidt. Bucky grasped onto his arm immediately.</p><p>''No matter what lies Erskine told you, you see, I was his greatest success,'' Schmidt smirked at him, the smugness back on his face, even though Steve had tried his best to punch it out of him.</p><p>The man grabbed onto something by his neck and started pulling off what looked a lot like skin until there was nothing left but a skull-like face, colored bright red.</p><p>''You don't have one of those, do you?'' Bucky asked, his voice coming out raspy.</p><p>''You are diluted, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier but in reality, you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind,'' Schmidt and the short man stepped into the elevator that had been waiting for them. ''Unlike you, I embrace it proudly… Without fear!''</p><p>''Then how come you're running?!'' Steve yelled, just as the elevator doors closed. The explosions were getting more aggressive and loud. ''Buck, we need to get out of here now.''</p><p>He pushed Bucky forward again, helping him up the stairs as fast as he could. He could tell that even though Bucky was trying to stay strong, he was getting tired. They got to another platform and the only way to get to the other side, where there was another elevator waiting, was by walking on a thin beam.</p><p>Steve put his shield back on his back and placed his hands on Bucky's waist as he started climbing over the low metal fence. ''Come on, let's go. One at a time.''</p><p>Bucky spread his arms out, trying to keep his balance as he took careful steps forward. Each time he swayed, Steve's stomach dropped. When the beam started making horrible noises as a sign of not staying up much longer, Bucky ran as fast as he could and took a leap of faith, only to barely get to the other side.</p><p>After pulling himself up with what was left of his strength, Bucky turned around to look at Steve, pain shining from his eyes.</p><p>''There's gotta be a rope or something!'' he yelled, grasping onto the railing in front of him.</p><p>Steve looked around, trying to figure out a way for him to get out as well, only to come up with nothing.</p><p>''Just go! Get out of here!''</p><p>''No!'' Bucky yelled back immediately, barely letting Steve finish his sentence. ''Not without you!''</p><p>
  <em>Damn it.</em>
</p><p>Steve bent the railing with ease as if it was nothing but flimsy iron wire. He took several steps back, keeping his eyes on Bucky the whole time because if this was going to be his last jump, he wanted those beautiful eyes of his to be the last thing he saw.</p><p>With a deep breath, he ran and he ran and he ran, before jumping into the air, hoping that he'd gotten enough speed to get to the other side. More explosions went off around him, some of them even burning parts of his suit and before Steve was even able to comprehend what he had just done, he felt something solid beneath his feet.</p><p>He had made it.</p><p>A laugh escaped from between his lips as he held onto Bucky again and took them into the elevator. Instead of going up, as he had originally intended, he pressed the button that would take them down. It was probably a safer choice.</p><p>Bucky's eyes were closed as he leaned against Steve's shoulder. It was difficult not to notice the terrible bruising by his temples.</p><p>The elevator shot down fast, although it let out some unnerving noises, and opened its door to the first floor that was nothing but fire and chaos. No one was there anymore which made it slightly easier for them to get out.</p><p>The smoke around them was so thick that it was difficult to see the front door from where they were standing but somehow Steve managed to find it just by remembering the layout of the place he'd seen earlier. When the fresh air hit their faces, Bucky almost slumped down on his knees. Steve kept him up on his feet and took him further away from the building that was beginning to collapse.</p><p>Not able to find any more enemies, only their own soldiers, Steve walked to the edge of the forest, where everyone else was resting as well. They looked tired and some of them were injured. They must have fought against the Hydra goons while Steve had been on his own mission.</p><p>He helped Bucky sit down on the grass and sat down next to him before taking his face between his hands again. ''I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry that I didn't get you sooner.''</p><p>''I love you,'' Bucky replied wearily, looking into Steve's eyes. ''I knew you'd find me.''</p><p>''Steve, Steve!'' a familiar voice yelled, breaking the tender moment between the two men. Gabe rushed toward them, a painful-looking cut on his cheek and covered in ash but otherwise alright. ''It's so good to see you.''</p><p>''It's good to see you too, my friend,'' Steve replied, patting him on the back when he slumped down next to him. ''Is help on the way?''</p><p>''They will be here in about an hour or so,'' Gabe said, eyeing at Bucky who was now leaning his forehead against his knees. ''Is this <em>the man</em>?''</p><p>''Yes,'' Steve smiled at him, feeling proud to be able to show Bucky off to his friend, despite the circumstances. He placed his hands on Bucky's neck, his skin burning beneath his fingertips. ''Buck? Can you look up for a moment?''</p><p>Bucky did, resting his chin on his knee, his eyes barely staying open. ''Mmh?''</p><p>''Bucky, sweetheart,'' Steve whispered, glancing over at his friend. ''This is Gabe, the friend I told you about.''</p><p>''It's...'' Bucky yawned. ''It's good to meet you, Gabe. I hope you've been taking good care of Stevie while I was gone.''</p><p>''I sure did,'' Gabe told him. ''It's nice to meet you, and to see you alive.''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Bucky hummed again, leaning against Steve and finally allowing himself to close his eyes.</p><p>For the first time in two weeks, Steve felt like he could breathe again.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>P a r t  V I I I. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>W e ' l l  M e e t  A g a i n</b>
</p><hr/><p><em>N o v e m b e r  3 0 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>All the soldiers were taken to a small medical unit that was located in a building attached to the Strategic Scientific Reserve in London that Gabe had told Steve about at the beginning of the mission. Thankfully, most of those who had been held captive were not badly injured, although almost all of them were showing signs of dehydration.</p><p>The unit wasn't at all what Steve had expected it to be. Since it belonged to the SSR, he'd thought that it would have been spacious and efficient but instead, it had ended up being just like every other hospital he'd seen during the war. Cramped, with as many beds as possible stuffed into one big room, leaving only narrow walkways between them.</p><p>There were several nurses walking around, helping out the injured to the best of their abilities. A doctor was visiting the patients one by one and he'd been at it for about an hour now and Steve couldn't help but feel a bit frustrated.</p><p>Bucky had been placed in a bed right in the corner of the room and Steve had squeezed himself between his bed and the bed next to him so that he could stay with Bucky, who was still coughing every few minutes.</p><p>''Buck,'' Steve spoke up while they waited for the doctor. ''Can you tell me what exactly happened?''</p><p>''What happened...'' Bucky whispered, repeating Steve's question. ''When we were captured?''</p><p>''Yes,'' Steve replied, taking Bucky's hand in his. He wasn't sure if he was ready to hear it because he knew that whatever it was that Bucky was going to tell him, it wasn't going to be pretty.</p><p>Bucky nodded, his eyes looking a little clearer now. He'd slept all the way from Austria to England. ''Most of our regiment, they were shot right in front of us. For some reason, they didn't do that to the rest of us but took us with them instead. Th-''</p><p>The pained look that appeared on Bucky's face could only mean one thing. Steve placed his hand on Bucky's neck so that when the coughing fit would start, he would be ready to help him. Bucky let out a painful wheeze and soon the coughs began wrecking his body again.</p><p>Steve lifted Bucky slightly, wanting to do nothing more than to just wrap him in his arms. He patted him on the back, trying to help him breathe at least a little better.</p><p>''We can talk later,'' Steve said when Bucky finally relaxed back against his pillow.</p><p>''No, it's fine,'' Bucky said, his voice coming out raspy. He tried to give Steve a smile and took a hold of his hand again. ''When we got to Austria, they took me and several others to build components for some kind of aircraft. I think… I think they called it the Valkyrie. We didn't get any breaks, we just had to keep working all day and night long. I saw a man drop dead right in front of me...''</p><p>Steve let out a small sigh and inconspicuously pressed a small kiss on his knuckles. ''Oh, Buck.''</p><p>''I got sick almost immediately,'' Bucky continued. ''I contracted pneumonia, and when I finally collapsed, they took me away to an isolation ward that also worked as… some kind of lab. It was the room that you found me in.''</p><p>''Oh, sweetheart.'' There were only two things that made Steve feel better about this whole situation. The fact, that Bucky was back with him again and that the people who had hurt him were all dead and gone. ''What did they do to you in the lab?''</p><p>''I don't know,'' Bucky answered, shaking his head. ''I can't remember anything after they put me on that table and strapped me to it. I thought that I was at a hospital.''</p><p>''Okay. Let's not worry about that now,'' Steve brushed a strand of hair out of Bucky's face. ''We'll figure out what happened, I promise you. The most important thing right now is that you're back and out of their hands.''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Bucky hummed in agreement. ''Thank you.''</p><p>Steve smiled. ''For what?''</p><p>''For finding me,'' Bucky told him, smiling tiredly back at him. ''I knew that you would.''</p><p>''I'll always find you,'' Steve said. ''I'm with you 'til the end of the line, remember?''</p><p>''Until the end of the line...''</p><p>''Sergeant Barnes!'' The young-looking doctor appeared next to them, eyeing Steve with a confused look on his face before turning back to his patient. ''I'm Dr. Mowry. How are you feeling?''</p><p>Steve could tell that Bucky wanted to answer with some kind of a curse word but gulped it down and put on a generous smile.</p><p>''As well as one can after having been strapped to a table for… Lord knows how long.''</p><p>''He told me that he'd contracted pneumonia at some point,'' Steve said to the doctor.</p><p>''That so?'' the doctor asked. Bucky gave him a small nod. ''Let's take a look then. Sit up, please.''</p><p>Bucky pushed himself up and allowed Steve to help him pull his shirt over his head when the doctor told him to take it off. When the resonator of the stethoscope was placed against his chest, Bucky couldn't help but shiver at the feeling of cold metal being pressed against his skin.</p><p>''Take a deep breath,'' the doctor told him.</p><p>Bucky did.</p><p>''Alright,'' the doctor moved the resonator to Bucky's back, making him jump slightly. ''I'm sorry, I know that it's cold. Take another deep breath.''</p><p>Steve watched as Bucky struggled to fill his lungs up again, only to get into yet another coughing fit. The doctor placed his stethoscope back around his neck and patted Bucky gently on the back.</p><p>''Your lungs don't sound as bad as I was expecting them to. You seem to be healing just fine.''</p><p>Steve let out a sigh of relief and smiled at Bucky before helping him lay back down. He looked up at the doctor. ''What about his cough? He also felt a little warm earlier.''</p><p>The doctor placed his hand on Bucky's forehead without a warning and nodded to himself. ''You do have a slight fever, it seems, but it's nothing that won't go away on its own in a day or two. The same thing with the coughing, although you might have to suffer with it a little longer, maybe a week or two. So unless you're in pain, the only thing I will prescribe to you is a week of rest.''</p><p>''I'll take that,'' Bucky said with a chuckle. ''Thank you, doctor.''</p><p>''No problem, Sergeant.'' And just like that, the doctor moved onto the next patient.</p><p>Bucky rolled over on his side so that he could face Steve. ''Are you okay?''</p><p>''You're asking me?'' Steve laughed. ''Of course, I'm okay. Are you?''</p><p>''I'm okay now that you're with me again,'' Bucky whispered to him. ''I love you.''</p><p>''I love you too,'' Steve whispered back. ''More than you could ever know.''</p><p>Bucky smirked at him. ''I think I've got an idea, darling.''</p><p>''Excuse me? Captain Rogers?'' A shy-looking nurse walked over to them, a blush rising on her cheeks. ''I was told to tell you that you are needed by Colonel Chester Phillips. He has some questions about the mission.''</p><p>''Right now?''</p><p>''Yes,'' she replied. ''Right now, if possible. I will keep an eye on Sergeant Barnes for you.''</p><p>Steve turned to look at Bucky.</p><p>''You go,'' Bucky whispered before Steve could even ask. ''I'll be okay. This pretty dame will keep me company.''</p><p>''Jerk,'' Steve told him quietly with a smile and got up from his uncomfortable seat on the floor. ''Where exactly am I meant to go?''</p><p>''When you get out of the medical unit, turn right and walk until the end of the hall and then turn left. There will be a locked door there but just press the red button and someone will open it for you,'' the nurse explained, sitting down on the edge of Bucky's bed. ''They are expecting you. Mr. Jones will be there as well.''</p><p>Steve brushed his hand against Bucky's and made his way out of the medical unit. He felt slightly embarrassed and guilty to admit that from the moment that they had arrived in England, he hadn't thought about Gabe even once but he had a feeling that his friend would understand.</p><p>He followed the nurse's instructions, turning right and then left before arriving at the door. It felt wrong to press the red button as they were usually only for emergencies but he did so anyway. If it made some kind of an alarm go off, he could always blame the nurse.</p><p>The door opened on its own with a quiet buzzing noise and Steve peeked in cautiously before stepping into the room. In the middle of it was a big table and in front of it a white screen almost like in a movie theater.</p><p>The Colonel stood up while the rest of the people in the room stayed seated, including Gabe.</p><p>''Good morning, Mr. Rogers,'' the Colonel said. ''Why don't you take a seat next to Mr. Jones?''</p><p>With a nod, Steve walked around the table and took a seat next to his friend.</p><p>''So...'' the Colonel started. ''I'm Colonel Phillips and we're here to talk about Hydra, the group of bastards that killed and kidnapped a lot of our men. We are to make a team of people that will focus on taking down the Hydra facilities and forces and most importantly, finding Arnim Zola.''</p><p>Arnim Zola. He had to be the short man Steve had seen at the facility right before finding Bucky.</p><p>''You saw a map of the locations of other Hydra facilities, is that correct, Mr. Rogers?'' the Colonel asked.</p><p>''Yes, Sir.''</p><p>''Alright. Do you remember what you saw?''</p><p>''Of course.'' Ever since he'd gotten the serum, even his memory had gotten better. He was sure that his memory was almost eidetic. ''If you give me a map, I will be able to show you exactly where the facilities are.''</p><p>''Good,'' the Colonel replied, giving Steve a look that was almost kind. ''You will get a map once we're done and we will go from there. Would you be interested in being the one to assemble the special team to take down Hydra?''</p><p>''Me?'' Steve asked stupidly, pointing at himself. Gabe snickered next to him but covered it up as a cough.</p><p>''Yes, Captain. You.''</p><p>Steve gulped nervously. There was almost nothing he wanted to do more than to take down Hydra. ''Yes, Sir. I'm very much interested.''</p><p>The Colonel nodded. ''Alright, so we'll-''</p><p>''Oh, and excuse me?'' Steve continued. ''With all due respect, Colonel, I'm not a real Captain.''</p><p>The Colonel stared at him for a while and let out a small sigh, before walking around the table to where Steve was sitting. He held his hand out to Steve, who quickly got up from his seat and shook hands with him.</p><p>''From this moment on, Mr. Rogers,'' the Colonel started, a small hint of a smile appearing on his face. ''You will be a real Captain.''</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>D e c e m b e r  7 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>A week later, Bucky was up on his feet again, breathing normally and no longer feverish. Steve had almost managed to persuade him to stay in bed for at least another week but he'd made the great mistake of telling Bucky that the other soldiers were going to be celebrating at the bar that evening.</p><p>''It's been forever since I've heard proper music!'' Bucky had whined while he had placed several kisses all over Steve's face. Steve had reminded him that they did, in fact, own a radio but in the end, he hadn't been able to say no to him.</p><p>And that was how they had ended up sitting by the bar counter, enjoying simple but tasty drinks while Gabe stood behind them, his arms wrapped over both of their shoulders as he went on and on about how for the next several months they were going to be killing Hydra goons. He was obviously drunk out of his mind.</p><p>''You seem bored, Gabe. Would you like something to do?'' Steve asked him with a deep sigh. As much as he'd grown to care for his friend, he had planned on spending tonight with Bucky.</p><p>''Uh-huh, sure,'' Gabe replied with a nod.</p><p>''Why don't you go ask your friends over there if they are interested in joining my team to take down Hydra?'' Steve suggested, pointing at the four men sitting by a table. Timothy Dugan, Jim Morita, James Falsworth, and Jacques Dernier.</p><p>Steve had asked about them and other than a few remarks about how they were never able to take anything seriously, he'd only heard good things of them. He didn't mind a little bit of humor in the middle of all this madness.</p><p>''Really?'' Gabe asked.</p><p>''Yeah, I'm with him,'' Bucky said, taking a sip of his drink. ''Them? Really?''</p><p>''They're great men, you'll see,'' Steve replied and slipped Gabe's arm from around his shoulders. ''Go on, soldier.''</p><p>''Yes, Captain, Sir!'' Gabe yelled while saluting, and embarrassing Steve, before joining his friends at the table.</p><p>''Oh God,'' Steve whispered to Bucky, a blush rising on his cheeks. Bucky apparently thought it was all hilarious. ''What are you laughing about? This is embarrassing.''</p><p>''Nothing,'' Bucky told him, calming down. He still looked tired even though he'd done almost nothing else but sleep for the past week. ''I just think that the title of Captain suits you perfectly… as does the red on your cheeks.''</p><p>Steve huffed out a laugh and took a sip of his drink, Bucky's comment only making him blush more.</p><p>''They are idiots if they decide to join your little team,'' Bucky continued, smirking. ''Their leader is a self-sacrificing idiot.''</p><p>''You know you love me.''</p><p>Bucky laughed at him again and finished his drink. ''Yeah. For some damn reason, I do.''</p><p>''Hey, Captain!'' Gabe's voice interrupted them again and they both turned to look at him. The other men around him gave Steve a thumbs up and the widest smiles in the world.</p><p>Steve smiled back at them before turning back to look at Bucky.</p><p>''See? They're all idiots.''</p><p>Steve played with the glass in his hands, smiling down at it. He knew that Bucky was only teasing him. It was one of the many, many ways they showed each other that they were truly in love with one another.</p><p>''How about you?'' Steve asked as the man behind the counter poured him another drink. ''You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?''</p><p>''Hell no,'' Bucky replied, pushing his glass away, done with drinking for the night. ''That kid from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight… I'm following him.''</p><p>Steve smiled at him sheepishly. Of course, Bucky would say that.</p><p>''But you're keeping the outfit, right?'' The smirk on Bucky's face turned even more mischievous.</p><p>''You know what?'' Steve asked him with a smirk of his own. ''Ever since I saved you, it's started growing on me. Now it's more than just… a costume of a character that someone else created. It's mine.''</p><p>''I'm glad you feel that way,'' Bucky told him. ''You're a hero to many. Including me.''</p><p>''<em>We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when but I know we'll meet again some sunny day,''</em> Gabe and his friends started singing, their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders as they swayed along with the song. <em>''Keep smiling through, just like you always do, 'til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.''</em></p><p>''They sound horrible,'' Steve laughed.</p><p>''I love this song,'' Bucky told him with a wide smile on his face. It was good to see him so happy and relaxed again. ''But you're right. They're completely butchering it.''</p><p>''<em>So will you please say hello to the folks that I know, tell them I won't be long. They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go, I was singin' this song.''</em></p><p>''I guess it sounds nice,'' Steve commented shyly, staring at Bucky again. He fought the urge to brush the strand of hair, that was always on Bucky's face, out of the way. ''But I don't know much about any songs other than the ones Ma used to sing.''</p><p>''You don't like music?'' Bucky asked, confused.</p><p>''Oh, I do, you know that,'' Steve replied, brushing his and Bucky's hands together for a quick, unnoticeable moment. ''Don't you remember when we were younger? I was a picky little bastard, rarely liked any of the songs that came on the radio. I always just wanted Ma to sing to me.''</p><p>''Yeah, I remember,'' Bucky chuckled. ''How about dancing?''</p><p>''I've never danced with anyone,'' Steve told him. ''One day I'd like to, though.''</p><p>Bucky raised his eyebrow at him and placed his hand on top of Steve's. ''Then what are we waiting for?''</p><p>For a moment, Steve imagined the two of them in the middle of the bar, swaying in time with the music and only focusing on each other as if they were the only people in the world.</p><p>Steve sighed sadly while looking down at their hands. ''Buck, you know we can't...''</p><p>''I know, Steve.'' The warmth of Bucky's hand disappeared.</p><p>Steve hated having to disappoint the other man, even though he knew that they were both aware that it just wasn't possible for them to dance or hold hands or kiss like any other couple. No matter how unfair it was.</p><p>''You know, there's a hotel nearby. A lot of soldiers stay there and they wouldn't think anything of it even if we shared a room,'' Steve suggested quietly into Bucky's ear.</p><p>Bucky looked at him with a curious look in his eyes and got up from his seat. There was still a small hint of disappointment somewhere behind his smile but obviously, Steve's idea had put him in a better mood.</p><p>''Lead the way, Captain.''</p><p>''<em>We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when but I know we'll meet again some sunny day.''</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>D e c e m b e r  8 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 3</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>After a long night of laughter, love, and pleasure, even some sweat and happy tears, Steve woke up the next morning to the feeling of emptiness as Bucky wasn't tugged under his arm like he had been when they had fallen asleep the previous night.</p><p>He stretched out his arms and legs before sitting up and leaning against the wall that the head of the bed had been pushed up against. Only then he properly opened his eyes, blinking at the bright light coming in from the window, and allowed his eyes to get used to it.</p><p>Then he noticed Bucky, sitting on the edge of the bed, still naked, sobbing as he held a piece of paper in his hands. Quickly, Steve wrapped the blanket around his waist and crawled to where Bucky was.</p><p>''Hey, hey,'' Steve cooed, wrapping an arm around him. He quickly recognized the paper in Bucky's hand. It was the letter that he had written to Bucky when he'd thought that he'd died. ''Shh, sweetheart. It's okay-''</p><p>''Steve, I'm so sorry,'' Bucky sobbed, turning to look at him. His eyes were red, almost as red as his cheeks were. The tears that were falling down his cheeks were so big they looked almost like pearls. ''I didn't mean to hurt you this way. Not again, Steve-''</p><p>''No, no, no,'' Steve mumbled, taking the letter out of Bucky's hand and placing it behind them on the bed. ''You did nothing wrong. I wrote that because I was heartbroken and felt the need to speak to you again. I didn't think that I'd ever get another chance to do so.''</p><p>Bucky turned around slightly so that he was able to grab the letter again. He showed it to Steve as if he had never seen it before, let alone written it. ''You kept apologizing for not saving me and not telling me that you love me enough! If anything ever happens to me again, I don't want you to blame yourself when there was nothing that you could have done! And most of all, I never want you to think that the love you've given me hasn't been enough!''</p><p>''Okay,'' Steve whispered calmly. Bucky nodded at him, only to break into another bout of sobs. ''Okay, come here. Come here, sweetheart.''</p><p>Bucky hid his face into Steve's neck, finally letting go of the letter and allowing it to fall on the floor. Steve kissed him on his wet cheek before brushing his fingers through his messy hair.</p><p>''It's okay, it's okay,'' he cooed affectionally as they slowly relaxed against each other's bare bodies. ''We're okay now. We're together again and no one or nothing can take that away from us. Even when we'll start going after Hydra, we'll be able to work together for several months. If we're lucky, the war might be over by then and then we can go home. Until the end of the line, remember?''</p><p>Bucky chuckled softly against his neck and carefully peeked up at Steve. ''I remember. Until the end of the line. I love you.''</p><p>''I love you too, Buck. So much.'' He pressed a kiss into his hair.</p><p>Bucky pulled away from his embrace and took his hands in his. ''Stevie, can I make you a promise?''</p><p>Steve nodded and squeezed Bucky's hands. ''If that's what you want, Buck.''</p><p>''Okay,'' Bucky said, shifting slightly to get into a more comfortable position. ''I, James Buchanan Barnes, promise you, Steven Rogers, that one day we will dance right in the middle of people with no shame.''</p><p>''Bucky...'' Steve started slowly. He wanted to believe Bucky's promise with all of his heart but he couldn't stop himself from doubting it. ''Bucky, thank you… Do you truly promise?''</p><p>''I promise.''</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>S e p t e m b e r  1 9 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 4</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>''Are you sure this is the one?'' Bucky asked, checking the number on the mailbox for the millionth time. Steve stood next to him, the present they'd picked out together in his hands, patiently waiting.</p><p>''I'm sure, Buck,'' Steve told him and opened the gate in front of them. Bucky followed after him cautiously, as Steve walked across the yard and all the way to the front door. He knocked.</p><p>''This better be the right house,'' Bucky said quietly under his breath.</p><p>''Would you calm down?'' Steve laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. ''This is the address she gave us.''</p><p>Before Bucky could reply, the door opened, and in front of him stood Elizabeth, looking about the same as the last time they'd seen her except that her hair was a lot shorter. She smiled brightly at them.</p><p>''James! Steve! Oh, it's so good to see you.'' She wrapped her arms around them, squeezing them tightly before letting go. ''Come on in, come on in. I'm so glad you decided to spend your free day coming to see me.''</p><p>''Of course,'' Steve said pleasantly as they stepped into the house.</p><p>Bucky closed the door behind them. ''Beth, this house is amazing.''</p><p>Elizabeth smiled proudly, nodding to herself. ''I think so too. We're so lucky to have gotten it at a time like this.''</p><p>''Here,'' Steve said, holding the present out to her. ''We're sorry we didn't make it to your wedding last year. We just wanted to buy you a little something as a wedding present and an apology for missing your big day.''</p><p>''It's from the both of us,'' Bucky quipped in.</p><p>''Oh, you shouldn't have!'' Elizabeth told them, smiling brightly. She took the present in her hands and shook it carefully. ''I wonder what it is.''</p><p>''I guess you'll just have to open it,'' Bucky laughed.</p><p>''I guess so,'' Elizabeth smirked and waved them toward the living room. ''Follow me. I already have some tea ready for you.''</p><p>Steve and Bucky followed her into the living room, which looked like it had been cleaned not long ago. They sat down on the soft couch and soon Elizabeth sat down next to them, the present on her lap.</p><p>She pulled the ribbon away and quickly got rid of the brown paper that covered her present. To her disappointment, it only revealed another box. She gave the two men on her couch a quick look before opening up the box with a little bit of a struggle.</p><p>Elizabeth's eyes widened and Bucky and Steve smiled at her excitedly.</p><p>''Oh my goodness!'' she exclaimed, carefully picking up one of the silver forks. ''You shouldn't have, you really shouldn't!''</p><p>''It's beautiful, isn't it?'' Steve asked.</p><p>''It is,'' Elizabeth said, smiling brightly. ''Thank you so much.''</p><p>''It's no problem,'' Bucky replied. He'd be lying if he said that the price of the silverware hadn't hurt his wallet but seeing her so happy made it all worth it.</p><p>Elizabeth moved the silverware off to the side and took a hold of Steve and Bucky's hands for a moment, tears shining in her eyes.</p><p>''I'm so happy to see you again. I've missed you,'' she told them. ''I wish Christopher could've been here but he's working.''</p><p>''Maybe we'll get to see him some other time,'' Steve comforted.</p><p>''Yes, I hope so too,'' Elizabeth said, letting go of their hands. ''Go ahead, have some tea. I even made some cookies, almost burned them but I think they came out okay. Maybe just a little crispier than they were originally meant to me.''</p><p>''Thank you,'' Steve replied and took the cup of tea into his hand. He sipped it carefully. ''That's nice. Try it, Buck.''</p><p>Bucky had never been a big fan of tea. Coffee was the way to go but he could hear his mother's voice in his head telling him to not be rude. He grabbed the teacup and tasted it carefully.</p><p>He decided against commenting on it and only smiled instead.</p><p>''You know,'' Elizabeth started, as she placed two cookies on each of their plates. ''Getting married isn't the only thing that uh… you missed.''</p><p>''Oh?'' Bucky spoke up, dumbfounded, trying to wrack his brain over what it could be. He couldn't remember Elizabeth writing anything that special in her letters to him.</p><p>''I didn't really tell anyone other than our families of course,'' Elizabeth continued, seeing the confusion on the men's faces. ''Wait here.''</p><p>Bucky glanced at Steve when Elizabeth exited the room.</p><p>''What could we have missed?'' Bucky asked. ''Do you think it's something we should've gotten her another present over?''</p><p>Steve shrugged, seeming calm but Bucky could tell that he was confused as well. ''I guess we'll find out soon.''</p><p>They sat there, nervously waiting. Steve drank his cup empty of the dark tea and Bucky decided that he couldn't bring himself to finish his so he just poured it into Steve's cup.</p><p>''Jerk,'' Steve whispered to him.</p><p>Finally, Elizabeth joined them back in the living room. She walked slow, the hem of her dress swaying with each step she took. She looked up at them from the bundle that she was holding in her arms.</p><p>Bucky's eyes widened and he stood up from his seat on the couch, taking a careful step toward his friend.</p><p>''Beth...'' he whispered.</p><p>''This,'' Elizabeth started, walking closer to them. ''Is my son. Surprise?''</p><p>''Oh my God,'' Bucky whispered, standing next to Elizabeth and looking down at the small baby in her arms. Steve came to stand behind them. ''How old is he?''</p><p>''Only about three weeks,'' Elizabeth replied, smiling softly at her child. ''I would have told you but it felt weird to do it over a letter. Doesn't he look like his father?''</p><p>''I don't really remember what his father looks like,'' Steve joined the conversation. ''But in my opinion, he looks like you, Elizabeth.''</p><p>''Maybe he's a good mix of both,'' Elizabeth replied, sitting back down on the couch.</p><p>Steve and Bucky followed suit, still staring at the small human in shock.</p><p>''Would you like to hold him?'' Elizabeth asked Bucky.</p><p>''Me?'' Bucky asked. ''I don't know if that's a good idea, I've never held a baby in my entire life.''</p><p>''Well, isn't it about time then?'' Steve asked, being his ''helpful'' self.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded at him supportively. ''It's okay. All you have to do is support his neck.''</p><p>Bucky eyed the baby for a moment before letting out a small sigh as the baby cooed in his sleep.</p><p>''Alright, fine.''</p><p>Elizabeth's smile widened. ''Okay, put your arms the way I'm holding them right now.''</p><p>Bucky copied her position. ''Like this?''</p><p>''Mmh,'' Elizabeth hummed and sat up a little so that she could place the sleeping baby into Bucky's arms a little easier. ''There. Hold his neck, hold his neck.''</p><p>''I- I think I've got him,'' Bucky told her, trying not to squeeze the baby too hard while still holding him sturdily enough. He was so warm.</p><p>Elizabeth rearranged the small, white blanket covering the baby, revealing his face a little more. ''There we go.''</p><p>''Hi,'' Bucky whispered to the baby, carefully bouncing him back and forth. ''Hi, little one.''</p><p>''Does he have a name yet?'' Steve asked, peering over Bucky's shoulder at the baby.</p><p>''No,'' Elizabeth sighed, shaking her head. ''We've been thinking about it but just haven't been able to agree on anything. Christopher wanted to make him a Junior but I wasn't too keen on the idea.''</p><p>''Well, whatever you pick, is going to be just fine,'' Bucky whispered in his baby voice that he didn't even know he had. ''Yeah, it doesn't matter what you're name is going to be when you have such a great mama like her.''</p><p>''Aww,'' Beth whispered, looking at her baby in the arms of her friend. ''Have you ever thought of becoming a father, James?''</p><p>Bucky's head snapped up and he quickly glanced at Steve and then back at Elizabeth. ''Me? Oh no, I don't think I'm the type.''</p><p>''Oh?'' Elizabeth said.</p><p>''Yeah, I just...'' Bucky continued, turning to look back at the baby again. ''I think more of the uncle type.''</p><p>''I see,'' Elizabeth replied, smiling. ''How about you, Steve?''</p><p>''I think I'm like Bucky when it comes to this subject,'' Steve told her. ''Children are wonderful, just… Not for me.''</p><p>''I always wanted to have children,'' Elizabeth said, her eyes focused on her son. ''We weren't planning on having any this soon, especially since the war is still going on, but sometimes the world has other plans for you.''</p><p>''It sure does sometimes,'' Steve replied. ''But you should know that it's good things like children that make times like this a little better. They remind us that there is a future, something different from what it's like now.''</p><p>''And just because you can't exactly be a nurse right now, doesn't mean that you won't be in the future,'' Bucky reminded her. ''There's still a lot of life left to live, Elizabeth.''</p><p>Elizabeth nodded in agreement and once again adjusted the blanket on top of her child. ''There is.''</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>M a r c h  1 0 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 5</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>In the films made about their missions against Hydra, they were made out to seem like some sort of heroes. The battles were made to look easy, even though behind each of them, there had been weeks, if not months, of planning and a ton of waiting.</p><p>It had been as exhausting as it sounded but it had almost become routine for all of them. Steve had already gotten rid of his need for revenge for what they had done to Bucky but he did still feel a little bit of pleasure each time they managed to destroy another Hydra facility. That feeling was something he hadn't admitted to anyone else but Bucky.</p><p>And Bucky, he was the only one still excited about the missions. Before a mission, he would always get a burst of energy that helped him get through even the more difficult situations. Although it was probably very odd in everyone else's eyes, Steve couldn't help but find it a little charming.</p><p>Steve rolled over to his side and wrapped an arm around Bucky's waist. He needed to stop thinking about the past missions and he wasn't even going to allow himself to start worrying about the future ones, especially the last big one.</p><p>Right now, he just needed to focus on today and the man that he loved.</p><p>''Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,'' Steve sang gently against Bucky's neck as he slowly woke up. ''Happy birthday, dear Bucky. Happy birthday to you.''</p><p>Bucky rolled over onto his back, accidentally almost smacking Steve in the face. ''It's too early. Shut the hell up, Rogers.''</p><p>Steve chuckled and pressed a kiss on the birthday boy's cheek. ''You're welcome, Buck. I love you too. Oh, and by the way, it's already 11 am.''</p><p>''Like I said, too early,'' Bucky mumbled, rolling over again so that he could press his face against Steve's chest. ''So… What do you have planned for my birthday? Did you bake me a cake or were you planning on spending the entire day in bed?''</p><p>''As much as I love the idea of the latter, we're out of vaseline. Again,'' Steve told him, laughing a little as he brushed his fingers through Bucky's hair. ''But I may have already woken up at 8 am to go and buy you a cake from the nearby coffee house. It's waiting for you in the kitchen.''</p><p>''Is it a chocolate cake?'' Bucky asked, pressing a kiss on Steve's bare chest.</p><p>''Of course, it's a chocolate cake,'' Steve said, sitting up. Bucky whined as he slumped against the mattress. ''Let's get up now. Once we're finished with having cake for breakfast, we can come back to bed.''</p><p>''Hmmm… Fine,'' Bucky finally said, pushing himself up as well. ''It's not like there isn't stuff we can do without the vaseline.''</p><p>''You're ridiculous,'' Steve laughed, walking over to the bed and pressing one more kiss on Bucky's forehead. He took his hands in his and helped him get out of bed. ''Come on, let's go.''</p><p>Not bothering to change out of their nightwear, they walked straight into the kitchen. The apartment they'd been renting for a while now was owned by a sweet old lady and her husband and Steve was almost completely sure that the elderly couple thought that he and Bucky were either cousins or brothers, despite not looking anything alike.</p><p>It was odd to have a home but it was definitely something they had already gotten used to. They'd only lived there for about three months in between missions but that had been enough time to fall in love with the place. That was what made it so hard to think about the fact that once they had finished their final mission, they were going to have to find a new place to live unless something else came up. They had talked a little bit about their plans after the war was over and had both agreed that they wanted to move back to America, maybe even buy an apartment of their own there, whenever that would be possible.</p><p>''Steve, this is amazing! Get the plates and forks out!'' Bucky exclaimed with excitement, already sitting by the table, right in front of the cake. Steve raised his eyebrows at him. ''What are you looking at me for? Get the forks!''</p><p>''Yes, my dear,'' Steve said with a kind but mocking tone. ''Are you slowly making me into a housewife, Buck?''</p><p>Bucky threw his head back in laughter. ''As pretty as you would look in a dress, no. I'm not trying to make you anything.''</p><p>Steve set the plates down on the table along with the forks as well as one knife for slicing the cake.</p><p>He sat down next to Bucky. ''And let's be honest, if one of us was going to be a housewife, it would be you.''</p><p>''What?'' Bucky said, shocked. He cut two pieces of the cake and placed the bigger piece on his own plate. ''How am I more of a housewife than you? Who's the one that always cooks and cleans, huh?''</p><p>''That's because you're a lazy piece of shit, Buck,'' Steve told him, smiling at him endearingly as Bucky balanced the other piece of cake on top of the knife before putting it down on the plate Steve was holding out.</p><p>''Oh, fuck off, Steve,'' Bucky laughed, taking some of the whipped cream on his finger and wiping it on Steve's chin.</p><p>''That's very mature, Buck,'' Steve chuckled, licking the cream off. ''How old were you again? Twenty-eight? That can't be right, you must be only eight.''</p><p>Bucky pouted at him. ''Is that how you speak to your elders, Steven? How dare you?''</p><p>''You're barely a year older than me.''</p><p>''I'm well over a year older than you,'' Bucky corrected him, taking the first bite of his slice of cake. ''Oh my God, this is heavenly. This is almost better than the rush I get while killing Hydra goons.''</p><p>Steve chuckled and began to eat as well. ''I'm glad you like it, sweetheart.''</p><p>''So, when is our next mission? I feel like we've been stuck inside this apartment forever,'' Bucky asked, mouth full of cake. He waved his fork around as he kept talking. ''How long has it been since the last mission? Was it this month or…?''</p><p>So much for not thinking about missions today.</p><p>Steve sighed. ''It's in three days. We have to go to Germany. Gabe is still working on the plan for that one, he might need your help. And no, we've not been in this apartment for forever, only about three weeks.''</p><p>''Three weeks? Damn,'' Bucky cursed. ''That's longer than usual. Not that I mind being here with you. I would say we've had a lot of fun.''</p><p>''I bet the neighbors think that too,'' Steve chuckled.</p><p>Bucky burst into laughter as well. ''Hey! I am not that loud!''</p><p>''Whatever you say, sweetheart,'' Steve said, smirking at him. ''Whatever you say.''</p><p>''You're a jerk,'' Bucky told him while shaking his head. ''I can't believe that you're the person I've been in love with ever since we were teenagers. Out of everyone in this world, I picked you.''</p><p>''And I'm glad you did.'' Steve leaned over the table to place a kiss on Bucky's lips that now tasted like chocolate.</p><p>Bucky smiled at him, blood rushing to his cheeks. ''So am I.''</p><p>Steve smiled back and finished his small slice of cake in silence. He loved mornings like this, no rush to do anything, no place to be. Only the two of them, doing nothing in their perfect little apartment. Surely, it wasn't actually perfect, or even any good to anyone else but they thought that the poor shape of it only added character. And also, they didn't have any money to fix anything anyway.</p><p>Sure, a bed that had once belonged to someone else or a dining set that was meant for six people that only had two chairs wasn't ideal but right now, it was as close to perfection as real life could possibly get.</p><p>''So Steve,'' Bucky's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Steve tried to stifle his laughter when he noticed that there was chocolate all over Bucky's mouth. He wasn't going to say anything about it though because he was planning on kissing all away as soon as he could. ''Did you buy me a present?''</p><p>Steve smiled proudly and nodded. ''I did.''</p><p>''What?'' Bucky asked, his eyes widening in surprise. ''Steve, I was just joking. I thought we agreed that we wouldn't spend money on anything excessive… Especially after Beth's gift.''</p><p>''I know, I know, but I've been secretly saving money for a while now,'' Steve explained and went to get the present from the bedroom. He hurried back into the kitchen with a gift box and placed it down on the table before sitting back down. ''And it's not exactly only for you but kind of for the both of us...''</p><p>Bucky eyed the gift for a moment and looked up at Steve with a sigh. ''I guess it's alright then. Just don't do it again!''</p><p>''Okay, okay,'' Steve agreed and pushed the box toward Bucky. ''I will not buy you a birthday present-''</p><p>''Or a Christmas present.''</p><p>''-Or a Christmas present until the war is over and we've bought a place of our own,'' Steve swore with a hand over his heart. ''Now open the damn thing, I already know what's in it and I'm getting impatient.''</p><p>''Sorry,'' Bucky replied sheepishly and pulled the string off of the box and carefully opened it the rest of the way. He peeked in quickly and looked up at Steve in shock. ''Steve? What the hell?''</p><p>''Go on, take it out.''</p><p>Bucky pulled the present out of the box and placed it extremely gently on the table. ''This… This is too much. This must have caused a fortune, Steve. We need to take it back o- or maybe-''</p><p>''Hey, I waited a month for it to get made,'' Steve told him and placed his hand on top of Bucky's. ''It's ours now and it was worth every single penny.''</p><p>Steve watched as Bucky gently ran his finger along the patterns on the lid of the wooden box and he could swear that he saw his eyes watering slightly at the sight of his present.</p><p>God, he loved him so much.</p><p>''Are you okay?''</p><p>''Yes,'' Bucky whispered, opening the wooden box carefully. ''Steve, this is so beautiful.''</p><p>It really was. When Steve had been coming home from one of his late-night walks about a month ago, he'd noticed the memory box in the window of a small shop down the road and hadn't been able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the night. The next day, when Bucky had been taking a nap, he'd walked into the shop and ordered to get a similar memory box made right on time for Bucky's birthday.</p><p>''I was thinking that we could put all the letters we've written to each other in it. Maybe even a few of my drawings from all the places we've visited during missions,'' Steve explained to him. ''We could put photographs there too, instead of having them in a boring album like normal people.''</p><p>Bucky chuckled and wiped away a tear that hadn't even fallen yet. He got up and walked over to Steve, only to sit down in his lap. ''I love you more than anything in this world, you know that right?''</p><p>''After all of these times that you've said that to me, yes, I do know,'' Steve answered honestly, wrapping his arm around Bucky's waist so that he wouldn't fall. ''And you do know that I love you more than anything in this universe, right?''</p><p>''I do,'' Bucky said, a small smile on his face as he leaned his head against Steve's shoulder. ''How could I not? Even in public, you make it pretty damn clear that you love me, even though you cannot say it.''</p><p>Steve shifted his shoulder slightly, making Bucky lift his head. He placed his other hand on the back of Bucky's head and pulled him into a long, deep kiss, making sure he licked all of the dried-up chocolate away in the process.</p><p>''Steve?'' Bucky whispered against his lips when they broke apart.</p><p>''Yes?''</p><p>''If it was possible...'' Bucky started, sounding almost nervous. Steve ran his fingers through his hair to let him know that he was okay, no matter what it was that he was going to say next. ''In the future, somehow, if it was possible… Would you marry me?''</p><p>Steve blinked once.</p><p>Then a second time.</p><p>''Did I break you, Rogers?'' Bucky asked, smiling shyly at him.</p><p>''No, no, you did not,'' Steve finally rasped out. ''If it was possible then yes, I would marry you. Of course, I would.''</p><p>Bucky let out a small sigh of relief before resting his head on Steve's shoulder again. He placed a kiss on his cheek.</p><p>''Would you marry me?'' the question slipped out of Steve's mouth and he could feel his cheeks turning pink.</p><p>''Yes,'' Bucky whispered immediately, looking up at him. ''I would marry you in a heartbeat.''</p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>A p r i l  2 n d,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 5</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>The news of Arnim Zola having been found messed up the plans Steve and Bucky had made for the rest of the day. Instead of going on a nice picnic despite the cold weather, they were now stuck at the Strategic Scientific Reserve, trying to figure out where Zola was right at this moment and where he would be when they were ready to go and get him.</p><p>''From what I was able to find, I believe he will be on a train in two days,'' Gabe explained to everyone in the room while flipping through the file in front of him. ''I still have to figure out the exact time and the best place to catch him.''</p><p>''Sounds good,'' Steve replied, going through the file as well. They had nowhere near enough information to get Zola but Gabe had proved time and time again that he was capable of miracles. ''Should we come back for another meeting tomorrow?''</p><p>''Yes, that's a good idea,'' Gabe replied. ''I'm sure I'll have some more information by then.''</p><p>''Before we go, I do have one more question,'' Bucky quipped in, just as everyone started getting up from their seats. Several groans filled the room as they sat back down. ''Sorry, sorry, I won't keep you long. But what do we do if Zola kills himself with cyanide, just like many other Hydra goons have done?''</p><p>Gabe shrugged. ''There's not much we can do. We just have to hope that the man is afraid of death.''</p><p>''Then how will we find Schmidt? There's no way we'll find him without at least a small hint of his whereabouts,'' Steve said.</p><p>''We're not going to think about that right now,'' Gabe told them, putting his file away. ''It's a bridge we'll cross if we get there. Is that enough of an answer or…?''</p><p>''It's fine,'' Steve told him. They had been stuck in the damn room for two hours already and he was pretty sure he couldn't feel his behind anymore because of all the sitting. ''We can talk about it more later if needed.''</p><p>''Okay. Now we can leave,'' Gabe told everyone, a smile appearing on his face when he turned to look at Bucky. ''Or does Sergeant Barnes have something more to say?''</p><p>''No, Sergeant Barnes does not,'' Bucky replied, getting up from his chair and walking over to where Steve was. When most of the people in the room had left, he placed his hands on the taller man's shoulders. ''Wanna get out of here?''</p><p>''I need some food in me,'' Steve said, patting Bucky's hand with his own before standing up as well. ''I'm starving.''</p><p>''You and your super stomach,'' Bucky chuckled and gently slapped him on the stomach. ''Do you want it to be just the two of us or should we ask if Gabe wanted to join us? I have a feeling that he hasn't been doing anything other than work ever since we found out about Zola.''</p><p>''Yes, I think we should ask him,'' Steve replied, wrapping his arm around Bucky's shoulders as they made their way to their friend.</p><p>''Oh, hi,'' Gabe said awkwardly when he noticed them. ''Was there something more you wanted to talk about?''</p><p>''No, no,'' Steve said. ''We were just wondering if you had some time to take a break and come eat with us. You must be hungry if you've been working all day long.''</p><p>Gabe stared at them for a moment before placing his file in his bag. ''Hell, I guess I can stop working for twenty minutes… but only if you and your loverboy pay?''</p><p>''I'll buy both of you something to eat,'' Steve told Bucky and Gabe. ''Let's get out of here now or I'll go crazy from being inside these four walls.''</p><p>''I think you already went crazy the moment you decided to get with him,'' Gabe replied, pointing at Bucky.</p><p>Steve slipped his arm away from Bucky's shoulders when they stepped out of the room. ''Hey, I've known Bucky ever since we were only babies.''</p><p>''What? You never told me that!'' Gabe said, sounding almost offended at the fact that he didn't know everything about his friends. ''How did that happen?''</p><p>''Our mothers knew each other,'' Steve explained simply as he held the door open so that the two men could walk out of the building first and followed them soon after.</p><p>''That's crazy,'' Gabe replied, shaking his head in disbelief. ''You two are true soulmates.''</p><p>Steve and Bucky shared a knowing look as they started walking toward the small coffee house only a couple of minutes away. From what they knew, Gabe had never been there before so they were going to be having a lot of fun watching his reaction to the homemade vegetable soup they served there every single day.</p><p>In Steve and Bucky's opinion, the soup was heaven on Earth.</p><p> </p><p>The woman that owned the coffee shop welcomed them with a big smile the moment they stepped in through the door. Steve and Bucky had gotten to know her, Edna, well through the past several months and it so happened to be that she was the daughter of the old couple from who they had rented their apartment.</p><p>''The usual?'' she asked with her soft voice from behind the counter.</p><p>''Yes, please, but for three instead of two,'' Steve told her as they found a free table right in the middle of the coffee house. It tended to get busy around this time of day but most of the time they had gotten lucky with getting a table.</p><p>''What exactly is the usual?'' Gabe asked when they sat down.</p><p>''Vegetable soup and freshly squeezed apple juice,'' Bucky answered. ''It's been about a week since we ate it last and I have chosen to never go through another week without having it at least once.''</p><p>Steve chuckled at him. ''What are you going to do when we eventually have to get back to the States?''</p><p>Bucky shrugged and started playing with a clean napkin that someone had left on the table. ''I don't know. Maybe I'll just take Edna with me.''</p><p>''I don't think she'd like that, Buck.''</p><p>''You don't know that,'' Bucky replied, and just then Edna walked up to them, carrying a huge tray in her hands. ''Edna, you'd go to America with us if we asked kindly, wouldn't you?''</p><p>''Oh my God,'' Gabe whispered to himself, embarrassed.</p><p>Edna only smiled at them as they all took their bowls of soup from the tray. She put their drinks down on the table. ''It's not like there's much keeping me here. I wouldn't say no to three handsome men like you asking me to go with you.''</p><p>''I told you!'' Bucky exclaimed, hitting Steve on the shoulder.</p><p>Edna held the now empty tray sideways against her thigh and turned to look at Gabe, who was sitting there looking like he had no idea what was going on. ''And who are you? I've never seen you here before.''</p><p>''Gabriel Jones,'' Gabe introduced himself, immediately getting up from his seat and holding his hand out for Edna to take. ''But you can call me Gabe. Everyone does.''</p><p>''Why ruin such a beautiful name with a nickname like that?'' Edna asked, taking his hand in hers and shaking it. ''I'm Edna but you already knew that.''</p><p>''Now that is a beautiful name,'' Gabe told her. ''Suits you well. Strong but still soft.''</p><p>''And how do you know what I'm like, Mr. Jones?'' she asked with a smirk.</p><p>''I don't,'' Gabe replied. ''But I'd like to.''</p><p>''To what?''</p><p>''To know more about you,'' he said, his smile only growing bigger.</p><p>Edna cocked her head to the side and looked at him for a moment. ''Why don't you eat your soup before it gets cold and after that, we'll see?''</p><p>Gabe sat down immediately and watched as Edna walked back behind the counter again.</p><p>''Wow, way to go, man!'' Bucky whispered to him, patting him on the back. ''I didn't know you were capable of talking like that. Wait, do you always talk that way? Does it just not sound flirty to me? God, apparently I'm only attracted to idiots.''</p><p>''Shut up and eat your food,'' Steve told him, shoving his napkin into Bucky's mouth.</p><p>''Chant ehactly dho that with this inh mah mouth,'' Bucky spoke around the napkin.</p><p>''You are such a baby,'' Steve said and took the napkin out of his mouth as if he wasn't able to do it himself. ''Now eat.''</p><p>Bucky lifted the spoon to his lips and blew on the steaming soup before gulping it down. ''Unless something unexpected happens, we could still go on a picnic after we're done eating if the park we were planning on going to is still open.''</p><p>''I'm not sure if it will be,'' Steve replied. ''I've only been there once before and that was very early in the morning. Gabe, do you know anything about it?''</p><p>When there was no answer after a short moment, Steve looked up from his bowl of soup and let out a small laugh when he noticed Gabe staring at Edna, who was working behind the counter, talking to other customers. ''Gabriel Jones!''</p><p>Gabe startled so badly at Steve's voice that he almost fell out of his chair. ''What the hell, man?''</p><p>''It is improper to stare,'' Bucky told him, faking a posh British accent that Edna spoke with.</p><p>Gabe rolled his eyes at him. ''I wasn't staring. I was just… thinking.''</p><p>''Yeah, thinking about Edna,'' Bucky laughed.</p><p>''I will pour this soup in your lap, Barnes,'' Gabe threatened, finally focusing on the conversation. ''Don't think I won't.''</p><p>Steve sighed and clanked his spoon against the bowl. ''For heaven's sake, nobody is pouring anything in anyone's lap. Can't stand the two of you.''</p><p>''You love me,'' Bucky whispered into his ear, and after that, they ate in silence.</p><p> </p><p>The weather outside had turned worse by the time they stepped out of the coffee house. The wind was no longer just a cool breeze but the kind that you could feel all the way in your bones. The streets were now almost completely empty.</p><p>Steve could imagine everyone sitting at home by a fireplace, wrapped up in heavy blankets, and he would have given anything to be able to do that as well right now but the truth was, there was still a war going on. Just because they had been able to live almost normal lives in between missions, didn't mean it had gone anywhere.</p><p>''Where is that jerk?'' Bucky asked, wrapping his jacket tighter around himself. ''Steve? Where's Gabe?''</p><p>''Oh, he's right-'' Steve turned around, only to see no one else but Bucky. ''He did come out of the coffee house with us, didn't he? I was talking to him...''</p><p>''I thought you were talking to me,'' Bucky replied with a shrug. ''I was slightly confused when you kept going on and on about mathematics or whatever it was that you were talking about. You know I don't really care for-''</p><p>''Buck,'' Steve interrupted him. ''I know you don't like mathematics, we've had this conversation many times ever since we were ten. Let's go find our friend?''</p><p>Bucky rolled his eyes at him. ''There's no use in looking for him. We both know exactly where he is.''</p><p>''We do?''</p><p>''Of course!'' Bucky said. ''If he didn't come out of the coffee house with us then there is only one place where he could be. At the coffee house.''</p><p>They turned around and hurried down the street, quickly getting back to the coffee house. Bucky opened the front door and immediately saw Gabe leaning against the counter, deep in conversation with Edna. They laughed at something that Edna said and Gabe's hand grazed against hers.</p><p>''He really went for it,'' Steve whispered with a huff of laughter.</p><p>''I guess he did,'' Bucky replied and closed the door. The warmth coming from inside the building had almost made him want to go back in again.</p><p>''Why don't we get back already? I have a feeling he won't be joining us anytime soon.''</p><p>''As happy as I am for the man,'' Bucky started. ''We do have an important job to do. I mean, I would love to do nothing else but be with you in the warmth of that coffee house but that just isn't a realistic wish right now. We've had our break and now Gabe has to figure out where the hell Zola is and we need to help him.''</p><p>''So we should tell him to get out of there?''</p><p>''Yes,'' Bucky replied, sounding almost sad. ''We should have brought him here earlier so that they would've been able to spend more time together. He really picked the worst time to find a girl for himself.''</p><p>Steve couldn't help but feel bad as well. He hadn't seen Gabe this relaxed in a long, long time. With a sigh, he knocked on the window of the coffee house, trying to get his attention.</p><p>''Wow, he must be in love,'' Bucky mumbled when Gabe didn't notice them. He opened the door once again and peeked in. ''Hey, lover boy! We've got to get back to work!''</p><p>Only then both Gabe and Edna turned to look at him. When it dawned on Gabe what Bucky had just said, his eyes widened for a second as if he had only then remembered that he did in fact have a job, an important one at that, and then lowered his head in disappointment.</p><p>He whispered something to Edna that made her smile before he quickly said goodbye to her and walked out of the building, looking about as sad as a kicked puppy.</p><p>''Sometimes I hate the war,'' Gabe mumbled as they started making their way back to SSR.</p><p>''Only sometimes?'' Bucky chuckled.</p><p>''This of it this way,'' Steve started, ignoring Bucky and placing a comforting hand on Gabe's shoulder. ''The faster you do your job, the sooner it will be done and then we'll have some free time again.</p><p>Gabe offered him a small smile. ''I guess...''</p><p>''The coffee house will still be there when we come back from the mission,'' Bucky told him, trying to sound comforting as well. ''It's not going anywhere. I say that once the war is over, we go and celebrate there with everyone we know. Doesn't that sound nice?''</p><p>''It does,'' Gabe whispered. ''The war just seems like it's never going to end, no matter how hard anyone tries.''</p><p>Steve turned to look at him and give him his usual optimistic smile. ''Well… Then we're just going to have to try even harder.''</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>A p r i l  5 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 5</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>It had only taken them two more days to come up with a detailed plan, and that plan was the reason why they were high up in the Alps so early in the morning that Bucky couldn't help but think about how right now, he was supposed to be enjoying his second cup of coffee in the safety of their apartment while Steve made them breakfast.</p><p>Steve put his helmet on, even though it was still going to be a few minutes until their mission actually started.</p><p>''You cold?'' Bucky asked him.</p><p>Steve shook his head. ''No. The uniform's keeping me warm.''</p><p>One night, only a couple of months ago, during Stark's visit to England, he and Steve had stayed up almost all night trying to come up with better ideas for his uniform. It had taken all night but eventually, they'd ended up with what Steve was wearing right now at this moment. It was much sturdier and thicker and it gave him a lot more protection.</p><p>The shield though, had been the biggest improvement. It was made of something called Vibranium and Stark had promised Steve, that if anyone, including Schmidt, were to punch it again, they would probably break their fingers and there would not even be a mark left on the shield itself.</p><p>Bucky, of course, had wanted to try it out but Steve hadn't let him. For obvious reasons.</p><p>''Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone in Coney Island?'' Bucky asked, looking down into the ravine. Steve knew that he wasn't the biggest fan of heights but just like always, Bucky tried his best to keep his fear in check and to himself.</p><p>''Yeah,'' Steve replied, while the rest of the team kept working behind them. ''And I threw up?''</p><p>Bucky turned to look at him. ''This isn't payback, is it?''</p><p>Steve gave him an innocent smile and patted him on the back. ''Now why would I do that?''</p><p>''We were right, Zola is on the train,'' Gabe told them, interrupting their little moment. The serious look on his face told them it was almost time to go. ''Get ready. It's coming.''</p><p>Steve nodded, his jaw tight. ''We only got about a ten-second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield.''</p><p>''Not making me feel any better,'' Bucky mumbled.</p><p>''It's gonna be okay'' Gabe told him with a tight smile. ''Steve's gonna go first, you're going next and I'll be going last.''</p><p>The train could be heard before it could be seen and Steve grabbed onto the handle on the zipline. He could feel his heart beginning to beat a little faster and his body beginning to shake but it wasn't only because of nervousness. Maybe this feeling was the same feeling Bucky had always tried to describe to him.</p><p>''Okay, you need to get ready now. I can see the train,'' Jim said to them. ''Good luck, gentleman.''</p><p>When the train finally zoomed in front of them, Steve took a quick glance at Bucky before pushing himself off the cliff. His stomach dropped at the feeling of nothingness beneath him and whatever the exciting feeling he'd had only a few seconds ago, was now gone and replaced with nothing but fear and uncertainty.</p><p>He felt slightly better when his feet and hands touched the top of the train but only felt like he could breathe again when he saw that Bucky and Gabe were right behind him, waiting for the order to move.</p><p>With a nod, Steve started walking slowly, holding his arms out to balance himself until he got to the curved metal ladder. He climbed it down and waited for a moment until he saw that Bucky was following him. They made their way inside the train, leaving Gabe behind, and Bucky slammed the door shut behind them.</p><p>In silence, they looked around the place before making any sudden movements. When there was no sign of danger, they started moving forward to get to the other section of the train, Bucky holding the gun in front of him in case he needed to shoot and Steve holding his shield in case he needed to protect either himself or Bucky.</p><p>Since the door to the other section was open, Steve stepped in and looked around again, from floor to ceiling. Before he could even register what was happening, the door that was now behind him was slammed shut by Bucky.</p><p>Their eyes met for a moment through the small window on the door before Bucky turned around and started shooting at whatever it was that he had noticed moving in the train.</p><p>A whirring sound made Steve turn around again and he was only just able to shoot a couple of bullets and hide behind a box before a robot fired a blue beam at him.</p><p>The sound of bullets flying everywhere on the other side of the door made Steve feel uneasy. He hated not being able to see what was going on with Bucky or if he was okay but for now, he at least sounded like he was holding his ground.</p><p>Steve jumped up while the robot was charging its weapon and grabbed onto some kind of device in the ceiling that slid him over to the enemy. His shield took a hit from one of the blue blasts but despite it, he managed to kick the damn robot down on the floor. He hit it in the head area with his shield, hoping to make it immobile before grabbing its hand to shoot a beam at the door.</p><p>He rushed to the damaged door and took out his gun again. He could see Bucky now, scrunched up in the corner, looking terrified. He must have run out of bullets.</p><p>Their eyes met and Steve gave him a quick nod as a heads up before throwing his gun to him. He ran out of the other section of the train, shield in front of his face as he pushed a large metal chest out of its place on a shelf, distracting whoever it was that was shooting at them.</p><p>When the enemy moved out of the metal chest's way, Bucky aimed and shot him right in the head.</p><p>''I had him on the ropes, darling,'' Bucky said as he made his way to Steve.</p><p>''I know you did, sweetheart,'' Steve said with a small huff of laughter. The whirring sound of the robot and the small glimpse of blue light made Steve look behind him. ''Get down!''</p><p>Bucky almost fell from the force of Steve pushing him behind the shield as the robot appeared in front of them and shot at them, making them fly all over the place and worst of all, blowing a huge hole on the side of the train.</p><p>With a groan, Steve turned on his side, only to see that Bucky was holding his shield in front of him, shooting at the robot with a determined and brave look on his face.</p><p>The robot whirred once more, shooting another blue beam right in the middle of the shield that Bucky was holding onto for dear life and making him fly right out of the train, only leaving the shield behind, laying uselessly on the floor.</p><p>Steve's heart stopped.</p><p>His brain was no longer working but his body moved without any commands. He leaped onto his feet, grabbed his shield from the floor, and threw it with such force that when it hit the robot, it flew backward back into the other section of the train.</p><p>Steve ripped his damaged helmet from his head and threw it behind him before looking out of the hole in the train. Bucky was still there, holding on.</p><p>''Bucky!'' he yelled, climbing out as well. Holding onto a long metal handle on the side of the train, he took careful but fast steps to get as close to the other man as he could. Bucky was trying to move as well but he already looked exhausted. ''Hang on!''</p><p>As the metal handle Bucky was holding onto started breaking from the weight and strain of it all, a flash of fear appeared in Bucky's eyes. Desperately, he reached his hand out to Steve.</p><p>''Grab my hand!'' Steve yelled over the loud noise of the train, holding out his hand as well.</p><p>Just as their fingertips brushed against each other, creating a small bit of hope, the sound of the metal handle finally breaking off of its place sealed Bucky's fate and there was nothing either of them could do but accept it.</p><p>The sound of Bucky's painful scream and the sharp pain shooting through Steve's heart replaced every sound and feeling that existed in the world at that moment. Steve couldn't bring himself to move, keeping his eyes on the man he had loved his whole life until he was but a dot and then, in the end, nothing at all.</p><p>Only then he allowed himself to lean his head against the side of the train and burst into tears, knowing for sure that Bucky's screams would echo around in his mind and the main chain of the Alps for the rest of eternity.</p><p> </p><p>That day, Dr. Zola was captured, and Steve Rogers lost Bucky Barnes for the third and the final time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p><em>A p r i l  1 0 t h,</em> <em> 1</em> <em> 9 4 5</em></p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>